Post # 1
So I met my SO on one of those cheesy online dating sites. He was 8 hours from me, but we hit it off. We did the whole LDR thing for over a year and he moved here April of this year!
I was in an abusive marriage before and have a son that I full custody of, so the whole “moving in together” thing was a little different for me. I needed for him to make a commitment to me and my son that this was it- He said he couldn’t propose to someone he had never lived with. Instead he gave me a promise ring (On one knee @xmas time @@ THAT was a huge misunderstanding/disaster moment that thank goodness I laugh about now) and said he would’t make me wait long.
It’s been 4 months and I know that not nearly as long to be complaining but I’ve told him before that living together to me is as serious as marraige and I’ve made it very clear that I’m not OK with a common law marriage. When our lease is up in April I will NOT renew and we can have a normal dating relationship for a while if that’s what he feels he needs.
Just wish I would have stuck to my guns a bit more. I was so happy to be done with the LDR (he fiannly got a job here) I folded and moved right on in. I did want to see what kind of father he could be (wonderfull) but I’m still kicking myself for caveing. It’s not something I’m 100% comfortable with at all. I’ll be happy either way-ring or seperate living arragements- So that way I will feel true to myself again
Post # 3
Welcome!! I don’t think you should be kicking your self for ‘caving in’ in regards to moving in together. I met my wonderful SO on Eharmony and we bought a house together this past January. I have a 3 yr old daughter who has a ‘deadbeat’ father…my SO loves and adores her like his own. I don’t feel bad that we are living together but not engaged yet. I know it will happen in the next few months (we are waiting until some court/custody issues are resolved with my ex). I am 36 and have been in about 5 long term (2+ years) relationships…I know without question that he is the man I have been looking for and that my daughter and I deserve.
You said he gave you a promise ring around xmas time…that was way over 4 months ago. You need to let him know what your plans are for moving out in April…hopefully he is on the same page as you! Good luck!!
Post # 4
I’ve told him that come April we can live seprerate if he needs time. He keeps saying “I won’t make you wait too much longer” but he’s trying to make plans to buy a car & go on vacation……
I think I just need to leave it alone and come january start looking for Apartments and see if he gets the hint. Harry said it best : ” When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” -When Harry met Sally
Post # 5
Personally living together really puts things into perspective whether you can actually live and be with this guy forever so I don’t think you made a mistake at ALL.
Heck – It’s even more important to find out these things if you have been in a LDR, and to make 100%sure he is the one you want to marry and introduce to your child as a stepfather.
Post # 6
Welcome- hope you see progress soon!
Post # 7
I met my Fiance on plenty of fish 🙂 Since the day we met we have spent 5 days apart, (because I had to go to Ohio for a funeral). I had never lived with a guy before and within a month I was completely living with him. He took me to Costa Rica! A year later he proposed and we moved here to Kauai. That was a year ago tomorrow! I think you should definitely live with someone before. I am pretty old fashioned when it comes to certain things, but you want to test drive the car before you buy it! BUT, you should be happy with your decision.
Post # 8
Hey. I think its great your looking out for your son, thats your number one job. It sounds like the only reason you dint want to live together without a commitment is because you dont want your son to be confused about things, and thats honorable. But I dont think you should be kicking yourself. I think its important to live together before marriage etc, just so you know what your “getting into” and you can get that living together chemistry down. 4 months isnt to long so I wouldnt be on him yet. It could take him longer than that to save up for the ring.
Post # 9
I met my SO on match.com. 🙂
I agree with the concept of living together first as long as you both are in agreement that the relationship is eventually headed towards marriage. Which is where it sounds like you’re headed.
Don’t beat yourself up. Now, after a year and no proposal, then I would start to bug him. But not yet!!!