- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hey, I am getting married in May and would like to get in shape and tone up in the coming months. But I have several concerns and need some guidance.
The first is that I have never, ever had to worry about losing weight growing up. I was naturally petite and couldn’t eat a lot before getting full fast. I am 5ft and always weighed around 90 lbs. I look back at pictures, and I don’t like seeing myself that small. I didn’t want to be underweight, I wanted to be at the right weight for my height, which I think is 100 lbs. I started gaining weight in undergrad, around age 22, when I did hit 100 lbs for the first time. I had another weight gain in grad school and got to about 110 lbs. I lost 11 lbs unintentially over the course of last year due to ono appetite caused by anxiety and depression. I started taking an antidepressant, Remeron, which brought my appetite back and then some. I am now at 113 lbs. It’s not a lot, I know. People still comment on how small I am. But on my body, it FEELS like I’m not myself. I’ve gained most of the weight in my tum, thighs, and butt, some in my arms and face. I started grad school wearing size 0 pants, and four years later, I wear a 6. It’s noticeable to me.
The more important issue is that I am in AWFUL shape. I have asthma, which causes issues when trying to exert myself. I can’t get up a flight of stairs without having to catch my breath. I’m very inflexible and have leg pain probably from being so sedentary. I get pain in my chest when I have worked out, like on an elliptical, and get headaches (I’m seeing someone about it). But aside from those issues, I’ll find any excuse to not do it, like the soreness/tiredness afterward will upset me, or I’ll do it when X, Y, or Z happens. Honestly? Exercising makes me EXTREMELY anxious. Like if Fiance starts talking about a workout plan, I start crying and hyperventilating. I am scared of it.
I feel like someone my size should not be in this poor of shape, and it embarrasses me. I also don’t look like how many of my friends before Fiance knew me, and I don’t like it. I feel like I look stupid when I’m working out. People I know are running in half-marathons, and I can’t talk a walk without dizziness and shortness of breath. I am scared to have Fiance or anyone else see how bad it is. Fiance is in the best shape he’s been in a long time, and I’m so proud…but he’s always been struggling with weight, and I never had to until now. My mind can’t seen to wrap itself around the idea of having to watch what I eat and working out regularly. But I feel so much better on this medication and don’t want to lose my appetite again, so I have to get it under control. I WANT to be more fit. I just don’t know what to do, I know nothing about this stuff.
So I got on MyFitPal yesterday and will start tracking my meals. It’s going to be hard because I’m a vegetarian who LOVES carbs and doesn’t cook, plus I have IBS and am cutting dairy down. Fiance is a meat lover that doesn’t eat any carbs. We both have guilty pleasures (pizza, ice cream, etc.), but Fiance can have a cheat meal because he works out 5-6 times a week. I just lump around the house or am involved in other projects (wedding stuff, cleaning the house, watching my shows on TV :P).
I want to start walking 30 minutes, 3 times a week and see if I can handle that. I wish my apartment or work had equipment or something. My work is offering a weekly Zumba class that I want to join. I have Wii Zumba as well. There is a community center nearby that offers gym and classes for a yearly fee, but with the wedding, I’m not sure we can do it. Should I join? Or should I just try some DVDs or something else?
I just want to improve my health because it’s not good. I’m tired a lot and achy and have no energy. And I want to get toned like I was, at least in my abs and thighs. Any help or encouragement would be great. It’s hard putting myself out there like this, but I have to try.