Introducing "step" children.

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Djacks88:  As a mother who’s children have a step-mother I would just like to say that I would be deeply offended if any of my children referred to their step-mother as anything more than step-mother. She is certainly not their other mother as they only have one mother. Only one mother who carried them in her uterus, birthed them, breastfed them, cared for them. Mothers do not share their place with the step-mother. Their step-mother may be nice to them and share a certain bond with them, but she is by no means their other mother. My ex agrees with me, so we’re all good.

Post # 4
Member
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Djacks88:  I heard of some women using the term “bonus daughter or bonus son”

 

Post # 5
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jadlnc:  If the bio-mom is okay with her being called Mama Nicole… then, I don’t think your situation and feelings really apply. 

 

@Djacks88:  I had a step mom growing up, I’m not sure how she felt about introducing us, but I actually looked more like her than my own mother because of our similar hair. So people always assumed that I was her daughter and she didn’t correct them. It seemed to work out. 

As far as introducing them goes, you could say something like “they are my BEAUTIFUL step children” or “I claim them as my own” …something along those lines maybe?

 

Post # 8
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

As a step child, I made sure to correct people that I was my stepmoms stepdaughter, not her daughter. She would have probably just let them believe i was her daughter. Nope, not I! But it sounds like your stepchildren have a different view than I did, so they might let it go.

Post # 9
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lolita39:  Yes, I see your point.

@Djacks88:  Sorry, I got off on a little tangent. Please ignore me. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Djacks88:  They’re my kids, I don’t really feel like pointing out the fact that someone else brought them into this world, neither of them have contact with their bio-mom…so I’m pretty much all they’ve got.  My daughter calls me Mom, son calls me Nona…its fine, whatever works for them.

Post # 12
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@Djacks88:  no, i know. for the most part, in my experience, people assumed i was her child. and i corrected them, where i dont think she would. i never though of being a “step” daughter was a bad or ugly thing. families are so blended these days, its just another lable. i think you’re harping too much over not liking a word. it is what it is.

Post # 13
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Djacks88:  My husband refers to his step father as his dad and his step father calls him son. I too call my StepFIL dad. My husband and I feel privilleged to have 3 wonderful dads and being blood related or not has no bearing on the bond/relationship we have with them as a parental figure in our lives.

Since their mother has no issues with it I would just call them your children.

Post # 14
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Djacks88:  It sounds like you all have a really good healthy relationship which I think is awesome. A big kudos to you all, it will pay off in spades for those kids to have so many adults loving them and cooperating for their benefit.

As for your question, I don’t have any step-children or step-parents so I can’t give much advice but I would recommend to maybe play it by ear. I’m not sure how often it comes up but maybe base your response on the situation and on who is asking.  

Post # 15
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 27, and my parents seperated 10 years ago…

I’ve had a ‘step’ mom for 7 years, and I have always just called her by her first name… If I need to explain our relationship I just say “oh this is [insert her name her], my step-mom”… and she typically introduces me to people like “this is [insert my name], [insert Dad’s name]’s oldest daughter”… its not really a big deal, and i we mostly introduce each other to friends because i am caucasian and she is 1/2 japanese so we dont look the least bit related so people wonder why we’re together… I know that she loves me and I her… but we are old enough that we can just use first names…

When my dad and step mom first got together her oldest daughter had just given birth a few months earlier and was living with them… when the baby grew up she called my dad “Padre” because they did not want her to think of my dad as her grandpa incase the relationship did not work out… the little girl never had any other father figure in her life so my dad has become more permanent in her life, but still goes by Padre…

I’d say there really is no normal here 🙂 G/L

Post # 16
Member
11001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have four stepchildren who were adults and ‘tweens when I came into their life.  They have a wonderful mother whom they all love very much, with whom they are all very close, and with whom the two younger children live 50 percent of the time.

I always refer to my stepchildren as my stepchildren when talking with someone who does not yet know that they are my stepchildren.  To those who ARE aware of the situation, I will sometimes refer to my stepchildren as “my kids” or as  “our daughter” or “our son” when referring to them in context with DH and I parenting them at our house, since HE obviously is not their stepparent. I do consider them to be my kids, but I am always very aware of the fact that I am not their mother, and, out of respect for their mother, I always make certain to not infringe upon her rightful territory.

Now that we all share a grandchild, however, I do not usually refer to myself as a stepgrandparent, since this precious little girl has known me her entire three years of life. She simply has three grandmothers (and all three grandmothers have unique names that are special to each of us.) She also knows that DH is “Daddy’s Daddy” and that _______ is “Daddy’s Mommy.” 🙂

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