- 6 years ago
Just wanted to introduce myself and give a little background on my situation and get some advice from the hive:)
I have been with SO for 9 years – this valentine’s day was our 9 year dating aniversary. Love SO, been living together for almost 3 years now. When my parents met him about 8 years things didn’t go so well, over the years they’ve made it pretty clear they didn’t really like him. So for these 3 years they have had no idea we are living together – every time they visit he hides his things and goes to stay with a friend for a couple days. i HATE this. HATE HATE HATE.
SO and I talk about this – we both HATE it. But to save face with my family we don’t tell them. They are very traditional and would really be disappointed that we are living together before being married. well, at least my mom would.
We went house shopping today – well window shopping really because we are REALLY in a tight money situation lately (I am working a good job – he’s been out of work for a couple years….all the more reason I don’t tell my family he is living with me). Talked about houses and how we are working so hard to get things in order to afford one. He talked about wanting to start a family once we can afford a house.
While we were out he started talking about different cultural wedding traditions and which ones he liked (we are not ethnic – both plain old american) and how some of them sounded exciting and weddings here are boring.
Also, laying in bed watching TV last week he said “i want to give you a ring and a wedding” and mentioned that he wanted to get a ring once we could get $1,000 together.
I NEVER bring it up except the occasional (every few months) news of a friend’s engagement or something like that – I am pretty shy about the whole thing and don’t want to pressure him at all.
I’d really be fine with no ring, no formal proposal, no real engagement – I just want to make things more official….
I want to tell my family how serious we are so they can start working on accepting him as my choice – but there is NO WAY they would respect an engagement without a ring or even with a small ring (I’d say anything less than a 3/4 diamond like my mom’s first ring) – I just want them to accept things so I can get on with my life and stop having to hide by BF living with me.
I am 28 BF is 29.
I am waiting waiting waiting and I want this so bad – He’s probably going to be getting back to work in a couple months (he’s got some really good prospects but needs to finish up a semester at school first).
It’s making me crazy waiting – can’t focus on my job, keep looking and ring p*rn. But i never talk to him about how waiting is killing me. I just really don’t want to put any pressure on him about getting engaged.
Advice? Encouragement? just help me keep my sanity bees!