(Closed) Invitation Address étiquette question!!!!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which is correct?
    1 : (5 votes)
    12 %
    2 : (34 votes)
    81 %
    3 : (2 votes)
    5 %
    4 : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 4
    9419 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I believe #2 is technically correct for a formal invite unless she has a different last name.  Informally I think you can do John and Jennifer Smith

    Post # 5
    2674 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church

    @Lepidoptera:  How formal is your wedding going to be? We did “John and Jennifer Smith” (we added “and Family” for those with children under 18) for ours, but our wedding was semi-formal. I think #2 is traditionally correct, but many people prefer the format of #1 now because it gives the woman a name. Also, how traditional is your family when it comes to these things? Mine isn’t the most traditional and our invitations were actually the most formal I’ve seen.

    Post # 6
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    #1 or #2 works. I did #1 for younger couples who might be offended and #2 for everyone else. I personally like to be addressed by my husbands name, but know many people who don’t.

    Post # 8
    12885 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It depends on your guests.  Some women prefer to have their names on the envelopes.  Some are traditional and use “Mrs. John Smith” as a formal name. 

    For your poll, I would do an outer envelope with Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, and an inner envelope with Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  Inner envelopes omit first names, but can also be as informal as “John and Sue” if you desire. 

    Personally, my invitations are addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, with Mr. and Mrs. Smith as an inner envelope.

    Post # 9
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    Abbie017 has the right of it.

    Formal traditional etiquette mandates that:

    1) On outer envelopes you follow the instructions of your postal service, to ensure that the invitation gets delivered on time. The outer envelope is a business document between the sender and the postal service, and should be discarded (by your personal secretary or butler if you have one, or by whomever keeps the household social calendar) before the inside envelope is handed to the addressees. In the U.S. the outer envelope is traditionally addressed to both members of a married couple if they are the co-heads-of-house; outside the U.S. it is traditionally addressed only to the female head-of-house.

    2) The form of name used for a business document, is the title, first name, and surname that the addressee CHOOSES to use as his or her business name. Mr and Mrs John Smith is correct if the gentleman goes by Mr John Smith and the lady goes by Mrs John Smith. It is incorrect by the standards of proper etiquette, if the lady goes by Mrs Jennifer Smith, and in this case the correct form is Mr John Smith and Mrs Jennifer Smith, even if that form happens to make you shudder.

    3) The form of name used for social correspondence is either title+surname (for an eldest child or head-of-family) or title+given-name (for an younger child to differentiate him/her from his elder brother or sister) in the case of formal correspondence; or given-name only in the case of informal correspondence. Given name and surname are not used together in social situations. The inner-envelope is social correspondence, so it is addressed either “Mr and Mrs Smith” or “John and Jennifer “

    Post # 11
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Lepidoptera:  I am afraid so.

    Writing out the outer envelope is one of those necessary administrative chores you undertake when dealing with government monopolies like the post office. For that reason, though, I find the “you must hand-write your addresses” argument specious, so if you want to cut yourself some slack somewhere, why not cut it there?

    The inner envelope is the place where you actually reach out to your guests and let them know whom you are inviting. The time you spend writing “Mr and Mrs Smith” in your very best black had-writing is time you spend on your guests and not on your friend the letter-carrier. If you don’t want to do this on the inner envelope, propriety demands that you leave a write-in line on the invitation itself and write their names there, which is more proper but certainly doesn’t save you any time.

    Post # 12
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Although I believe that Mr. and Mrs. John Smith is traditionally proper, every time I see this on any piece of mail it sends me into a rant.  I don’t ever remember giving up my first name when I got married!  This “tradition” seriously seems so outdated to me and needs to die.

    Post # 13
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Lepidoptera:  isn’t that the point of having the inner envelope?  where as if you aren’t going to address the inner then just leave it out.

    Post # 15
    817 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I believe #2 is correct.

    Post # 16
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Lepidoptera:  so you’d have a blank innter envelope? I’ve never heard of that.

    The topic ‘Invitation Address étiquette question!!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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