Invitation Advice Needed

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

I vote for white lie; “oops MIL, my mom already ordered the invites and I can’t change them, its so generous of them to pay for them I can’t ask for them to be reprinted!”

better for MIL to hold a grudge against your mom, who she will rarely see, than you…forever.

Post # 5
Member
7179 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@lolalulu_24:  You might have to deal with a FMIL tantrum, but they aren’t hosting the wedding.  Let her throw her tantrum.  Invites will reflect your parents hosting.   I’d also let FI deal with his mother!  It’s not up for discussion. Your parents are hosting.  End of story.  (I love the ‘son of’ solution you came up with – it’s perfect.)

ETA:  I wouldn’t offer wedding details up to FMIL as if it were a point for discussion (e.g. – this is how we were wording the invites – what do you think? vs. this is what the invites are going to look like – isn’t it great!) 🙂

 

Post # 6
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lolalulu_24:  we are doing the son of route. 

Just tell her as your parents are paying for them, this is how they will be done. End of story. 

Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The way you are planning to word the invite is the way I would do it under these circumstances.

Create a rehearsal dinner invitation which clearly shows FIL as hosts.

Post # 8
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have this convo with the stationery and when everyone is altogether let the expert weigh on how to correctly word the invite- the way you want it.

Post # 9
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@lolalulu_24:  It is a common misconception that the person writing the check buys top billing on the invitation. One set of parents, both sets of parents, or the bride and groom can “host” the wedding and issue the invitations, regardless of who is or is not contributing financally to the wedding.

This is because “hosting” is not about who is writing the checks, it is about who is lending their name to the social event and ensuring the comfort of their guests. Many couples today will list all of the parents involved so that guests aren’t confused to receive an invitation from people they don’t know.

Long story short, neither of your parents are right or wrong. I personally think that the wording you proposed (“Bride’s parents request the honor of your presence at marriage of their daughter , Bride to Groom, SON OF Groom’s parents….”) is a good compromise, but I also see no harm in including your FILs on the host line if it’s really important to your fiance’s mom.

Your guests don’t care who is paying for the wedding and they won’t try to infer it from the wording on the invitation.

Post # 10
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lolalulu_24:  That is really really tough situation 🙁  On one hand, his parents are helping out via the rehearsal dinner, which is perhaps all they can afford to do(??!!), so in some essence have assisted in the all-around event.  On the other hand, your parents are paying for 95% of the bigger picture cost, and the most expensive cost!

I think, if it were me, as much as I would HATE having to do it all (because in a perfect world your FIL’s will be OK with how you guys want the invite worded, because you guys (your family) are paying for the invites), I would try to get your parents to understand the predicament you are facing, and appease the in-laws.  It just seems the lesser of two evils, in my opinion.  

Sure, your parents deserve the recognition, but I am guessing that is not why they chose to pay for the reception.  They chose to pay as a gift to you and your FI.  At the end of the day, it is a piece of paper, that no one really reads, throws away, and never thinks twice about…except for the intimate parties involved.  I would rather make it something my mom and I laugh about down the road, rather than something your FMIL resents you for!

We had to make the choice to do “Together with our parents” at the top of our invites, even though FI and I are paying 100% of the total wedding costs.  Again, appease the parents, knowing in the end, it will not ‘matter’!

Post # 12
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@lolalulu_24:  We used the “Bride’s parents request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, ME!!!!!! to FI!!!!!, son of groom’s parents” option.  They are not paying for anything except the rehearsal dinner, but we still wanted them to feel included and honored.

Post # 13
Member
7179 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@lolalulu_24:  and that’s ok – she will do that the ENTIRE planning time!  Get used to saying “Thanks for the idea!” and then smile, be grateful she wants to share her input and then make the decision you and FI want.  

Post # 15
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

“Sorry FMIL, but this is the traditional way of wording the invitation to reflect the traditional division of expenses, with the bride’s family paying for the wedding. Since we have been going the traditional route with my parents paying for the wedding, this is the wording that provides an accurate reflection. If you would like to contribute to reception expenses, then by all means we would be happy to add you as a host! And don’t worry- you will definitely be the host on the rehearsal dinner invitations!”

Post # 16
Member
3960 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@lolalulu_24:   The host(s) of the wedding issue the invitation.   Your parents are hosting the wedding.   It is traditional for the groom’s parent’s to host the rehearsal dinner.  No special notice of this is required or necessary.  Go ahead and order the invitations as you want them worded.  

FMIL can get over herself!  😉

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