Invitation Dilema…her finacee's kids?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who do I invite?
    N, J & B : (45 votes)
    80 %
    N & J Only (and see how they RSVP) : (10 votes)
    18 %
    N, J, B, and J's kids : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6279 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    if you planned to invite N, A, and B, i would still just invite N, her fiance, and B.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would either invite just the couple, or the couple plus her kid!

    Then see how they RSVP.

    Post # 6
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would invite who you planned, N and B, and then J. You certainly do not have to invite kids you have never met, or don’t know.  I would speak with them if they did RSVP with additional. They way I see it, it is fine for her son to be invited and not J’s children as I assume you have been a part of B’s life for so long, which would warrent him being a part of your special day.

    Post # 8
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MsGinkgo:  Ok. Hopefully the different opinions will help you figure what you think is best. If you felt comfortable, maybe ask N what her thoughts are?

    Post # 9
    Member
    1881 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    no, you don’t need to invite his kids. Most likely they don’t live with him, so he probably wouldn’t hve them that weekend anyways. I would only invite his kids if they all lived under one roof.

    Post # 10
    Member
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think you should just invite B. If J does have kids and N & J ask you if they can come, you can make a decision at that point – but don’t feel like you need to invite his kids up front.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @MsGinkgo:I will share a little story- since this happened to me.

     

    We invited D, C, and thier 2 adult chidlren, T and T.  At the time of invite, T and T were both known to be single to my DH, who stays in the loop with his family.

    Turns out that T was actually engaged.  OK-well had we known that, we definitely would have invited his FI, K.

     

    But this is how we found out:  On the VERY last day RSVP’s were due, they send thiers in- with an RSVP for EIGHT.  Four were on the invite.  Now I understand if T was engaged, that his FI needs to be invited as well.  No prob.  But they also RSVPed for THREE of T’s fiance’s kids.  Ummmmmmmm.  Strange as it seems- were at the cap of a very intimate venue—-  they didn’t even ASK if we were having a kid friendly wedding (we did)– and it really messed things up with the kids seating.

     

     

    Thankfully my venue was awesome and seamlessy dealt with switching things up last minute and it turned out great.

    I didn’t really have an option, in my case.  But I was upset because it was going to be a lot more money.  Each kid got a nice bucket of stuff, and thier own meal, plus open access to (overpriced) non-alcoholic drinks from the bar.

     

     Had I known about this more than 2 weeks before the wedding, I don’t think I would have been as upset– we likely would have invited them all if we had known about the situation though.  And here’s why:  marriage is all about joining families, and we had a kid friendly wedding.  So I think it’s wrong to invite one kid from one part of a family and not the others- since they are now engaged.  You wouldn’t invite a friend and not thier FI….so when you’re inviting one “side” of kids….it’s only fair to invite the other.

     

    I know that if my DH- when he was my FI- had been invited to a wedding, and I had been, and my son wasn’t (assuming there were other kids at the wedding, and not just wedding party kids), it would be slightly offensive.  The ONLY reason why I was pissed is because the invites went out in August- my wedding was in November.  I sent them out early because I was tired of them sitting in my dining room LOL….but needless to say, they had PLENTY of time to just contact us, or FI’s mom- and say “hey, T is engaged to K, and K has 3 kids.  Sorry you didn’t know about this- is it OK if they come?”

     

     

     

    We would have been more than happy to accomodate them if they had communicated.  Instead, I felt like we were forced to accomodate them, and it made me slightly angry.  If you feel it’s important enough to attend our wedding, I guess I feel like you should be comfortable communicating with us!! 🙂

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think inviting a random guys kids could possibly be opening a can of worms. You do not know how they were raised and you’d be super pissed if they were the type to go running around your ceremony screaming at the top of your lungs. Stick to inviting N +1 (whomever it maybe) and B like you initially planned.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @MrsDiddles:  This isn’t a “random guy’s” kids- it’s his friend’s fiance’s children.  

     

    Sorry- but I take offense to this.  OP said she has met the guy- that doesn’t exactly make him rando, does it?  He’s also her friend’s FI.

     

    Even childrem who are well bahaved can be unpredictable- because they are children.  It’s the parents responsibility to make sure thier children behave.  If you are inviting your friend, and you trust her judgement, I’m sure you figure your friend has decent taste in men and that the kids are decently behaved.

     

    FYI:  we had children we had never met at our wedding.  The kids had so much fun with eachother that they were ALL extremely well behaved.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Why not just skip ALL of their kids?

    They can hire a sitter and you can rest easy not concerning yourself with their family dynamic.

    Post # 16
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @MrsEME:  Feel free to take offense if you would like as my post was not directed towards you. And they ARE some random guys kids because OP said she had NOT met this guy. ”  I’ve never met J, obviously never met his kids.”

    I’m glad the children you invited to your wedding had a good time. Great! However her firend’s taste in men has nothing to do with what type of father he is or how he has raised (or not raised) his offspring.

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