- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I’m getting married myself in September, but coincidentally, so are two of my cousins a few months before (June and July). No big deal, we are all within ~5 years age of each other so it was bound to happen.
Some back story… I’ll try not to get too long-winded here, ha
This side of the family has a history of being catty, jealous, competitive… you name it. For various other family events, they have a tendency to notify the rest of the family just a few days before said events. They also have a tendency to tell one person in a group and expect that person to call/text/email everyone else (essentially doing the inviting footwork) for them. For instance, recently they had an anniversary party, called my mother two days before and told her to call everyone else within our family. My mother, irritated, told her that she’d have to call/text everybody (because how hard is it to at least send a mass text?!) because she didn’t have time to track everyone down. Nobody called me about said party, so I didn’t go obviously, and cue the drama from that side of the family because I was “blowing off” their events. This isn’t the first/only time this has happened even with more formal events – they would mail out invitations with only my father’s name (and not even his wife’s/my mom’s name!) and somehow magically expect the rest of our family to know who was invited and who was not, or expect whoever’s name made the lottery onto the invitation to call/text everyone else…
Anyway, recently we received a save the date for one of these cousins’ weddings. It was once again addressed to my father only. I have also found out that apparently there was a bridal shower that which almost everyone in the family was invited to – except for my immediate family and an aunt. I only found out because my grandmother asked why none of us were there, and none of us had any idea about it. My grandmother was very upset that we were not invited. Let me just say that I would find it hard to believe that it was an oversight because all of us get together for major holidays/events and so we (in some form) would be included on any invitation lists for family functions.
I know this is poor etiquette on their part (the invitation handling). What I don’t know is how to handle this. On one hand, they have a history of assuming that we know we are invited without being specifically told so. On the other hand, it appears that we have been cut from the list of people participating in other wedding-related activities which makes me think that in fact we are not invited. This is not a situation where I would feel particularly comfortable just “showing up” and hoping I interpreted their poor addressing skills correctly as there will likely be limited seating, food, etc. as is the case with weddings. It is very rude for a guest to assume they are invited and rude/awkward for the guest to ask the host if they are invited. Part of me just wants to forget about it – because I personally think if they wanted me/my family there they would have sent us invitations specifically (especially since myself and my sister are living independently, and my sister is married with a child!), but I know this would cause all kinds of horrible drama.
I have sort of asked a few other relatives if they might know, and my grandmother insists that of course we are invited, but others have expressed doubt.
tldr; please, please address your invitations with care so that it is clear who is and isn’t invited… and how do you handle those that refuse to do so?