(Closed) Invitation etiquette confusion

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had two showers – one hostess put the registry info in the shower invite and one didn’t.  At the first, nearly everyone ordered off the registry.  At the second, about 70-80% ordered off the registry which they found out about either through my mom, through me, or through checking the website which was on our save the dates.  So you are DEFINITELY fine with the way you’re doing it!

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Etiquette says the registry should not be listed within the invite suite however, it’s different I guess within your circle though.  I think etiquette should be updated with the times.  Over the years my mom has held onto invites from other weddings as inspiration for later and I would say 75% included a registry card.

I did not include the registry information and it’s one of the things I would change.  Lets be honest.  We all are wanting gifts.  It’s why we register to make it easier on the guests and the guests mostly plan on bringing a gift.  So why not put it on there on its own card after you run it by a few close friends/family? 

 ETA: I would say 5 gifts did not come off my registry.  And two of those were beautiful handmade quilts.  The others probably didn’t look at my registry.  Everyone else either gave cash or found the registry so don’t worry too much about it.

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You did the right thing. You don’t throw a wedding to get gifts. You throw a wedding to celebrate with your family and friends.

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree, you did the right thing.  That said, we have had a few people calling to ask where we’re registered and then wonder why we didn’t include that informationg in with the wedding invitation.  These are people from different parts of the country, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a regional thing.

At the end of the day, some would find it okay to put the information there.  Some would be offended.  For me, it’s better to err on the side of caution and not include that information.  So far, all of the gifts we’ve received (minus one check) in the mail were all off our registry, so people either looked at the website (which was included with a card in the invite) or asked around.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about.  I’m sure you’ll get a lot of presents from the registry.

Post # 7
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your bridesmaids, mom, etc. don’t know what they’re talking about. You did the polite thing. And think about it, if you wanted to give a bride a gift off their registry, wouldn’t you A) Ask her or someone close to her where she’s registered or B) Do a tiny bit of digging and look on her website?

Honestly, someone who is not willing to do something that simple isn’t the type of guest that would give you a gift off your registry in the first place. They would probably either give you cash (yay!) or some crappy, generic gift (boo!)

Post # 8
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You did exactly the right thing. We’ve received a lot of gifts, all but one from our registry, and our guests have either looked on the website or asked our parents. People know how to figure these things out!

Post # 9
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We didn’t put any registry info on our invites and our guests either asked us, the bridal party, or family member for the info.  So it all worked out…don’t stress about it. 

Post # 10
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I did what you did and had an insert that said for more information . . . and that included links to the registry, where to stay, what to do in town, etc.  All the gifts I received were off my registries with the exception of a couple things at my shower.  My hostesses listed my registry info on the shower invite.  Ironic, eh?

Post # 11
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@peasantsong: FH’s family responded in the same way, so you’re not alone, but I still think both of us were right to not include that info. It’s just tacky to put gift info on your invites. Period.

Post # 12
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Ditto PP’s – you did the right thing.  I don’t see what’s so hard about someone picking up a phone and calling the parents of the bride or groom (or emailing!) and asking, “Where is the happy couple registered?”

If I got a wedding invitation with registry info on it, I have to say I’d be slightly put off.  Not to the point where I’d be thinking, “Oh my god, what a bunch of rude, money-grubbing jerks!”  But I’d probably have a momentary reaction of “Really, guys?  Really?”

I guess in some people’s minds it’s inconvenient to have to ask about registry info, but in that case what’s really the worst that can happen?  I highly doubt they’ll just refuse to get a gift at all.  Most likely you wind up getting cash or a gift card or some random item that’s not on your registry but that you can return.

It’s interesting how much people’s opinions on etiquette can vary.  And it doesn’t even mean they’re rude people – it just means these etiquette rules don’t really ever occur to them because they’re not spending all their time surfing wedding forums like you are.  🙂

 

Post # 13
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think that people from different regions or communities do things differently. I believe correct etiquette would be to do what you did – put it on the website or use word of mouth. But many people put registry info on their invitations… I know many people in my area do it. Do what you feel comfortable with!!

Post # 14
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I didn’t include the registry info with my wedding invites just the bridal shower invites. However not all our guests were invited to the shower. So far everyone thinks its weird I didn’t include it. I wish I had. It’s common to in my circle and so far no one has asked where we are registered. I feel like I made a honeymoon registry for no reason.

Post # 15
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ditto to what everyone else is saying! We didn’t include registry information on our invites (but my mom did in my shower invitations). I wanted to err on the side of caution and didn’t want to offend our guests. To be honest, when I see registry information in a wedding invitation, it seems a little tacky to me.

We’ve gotten lots of wedding gifts purchased from our registry already and a few cash gifts, and gift cards from the stores we are registered at. The only person that has actually asked me where we are registered is my boss. And she did say she hadn’t looked at our wedding website yet. I think the word of mouth thing works well among your family and friends. Plus, if you are registered at a well known store like Macy’s, Target or Crate and Barrel, people will be able to find your registry! I wouldn’t worry too much. I think you did the right thing!

Post # 16
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Haha, you’ll get plenty of presents! I don’t think even one person has looked at my website (maybe 3…) But I’ve already gotten several items from two different registries. I think people these days are smart enough to search in familiar stores to see where you’re registered. Or they will ask your family/friends. Either that, or they’ll get you something random… that will probably end up being nice anyway 🙂

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