Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2015 - Anchor Inn, MD
After much deliberation, my fiance and I have decided to not invite children to our wedding, aside from my niece and fiance’s daughter, who are flower girls.
I read something that said putting “Adults Only” on the invitation is not approriate but I’m not sure how else to make sure everyone knows that they should not bring their kids…
My fiance had the idea to make the RSVP cards say “# of Adults Attending” but I don’t want people to mistake that for meaning we just don’t need to know how many kids are coming for some reason, but that it is ok to bring them.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do we handle this, since we know it’ll likely be a touchy topic for some family members in particular?
Post # 2
JMer711: “Adults Only Reception to Follow” is perfectly acceptable.
Post # 3
I agree “Adult only reception to follow”. I wish i had put that on mine!
Post # 4
While I personally don’t mind it, putting “adults only” on the invitation is considered poor etiquette. You address the invitation to only those that are invited, and on the RSVP can put “two seats have been reserved” or “___ of two guests attending”
Post # 5
JMer711: This was my Fi and I’s intention. We figured a black tie wedding going until 1 am would give people the idea that this was for adults only. Also, we made sure to address it only to Mr. and Mrs. Smith no the Smith family. Unfortunately, people did not put the pieces together and we had several people include their children on the rsvp i.g. “Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Little Johnny!”. We tried to follow proper etiquette and that clearly didn’t work for us so maybe as Pixiecat has suggested might get the point acorss more firmly.
Post # 6
Putting “Adults Only” or any form of is not, actually, perfectly acceptable. You never point out who isn’t invited to something. You address the invitation to those who are invited. When people RSVP, if they RSVP for more than the adults in the household (e.g. saying 3 people are attending when you invited mom and dad only) then you can talk to those guests specifically and tell them it’s adult only.
Post # 7
It may not be the proper definition of etiquette but practically ever person on this site has experienced people adding their kids or plus ones to the RSVP despite who the invitation is written to.
Unless you’re planning a wedding most people don’t know the exact etiquette rules which is obviously why so many of them feel it’s OK to add guests. “Adults Only” at least makes it very clear.
Post # 8
I’m not sure there’s a good way to handle this. How many potential kid intruders are you worried about? If it’s a big number, then perhaps go the Adults Only route. If it’s a small number, then perhaps address any kid write-ins individually. It’s really unfortunate that people don’t understand that if someone’s name isn’t on the invitation and the unaddressed person would like to come, then that is something that should be proactively addressed with the person doing the inviting vs. passively written in.
Post # 9
playdohpants: Well, she did ask for invitation etiquette. So that’s the suggestion I gave her. If she doesn’t care about etiquette, obviously she can disregard my advice.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead
JMer711: My coordinator suggested “Adult Reception to Follow.” It doesn’t explictly say the words ONLY but it is implied that the reception is for adults, hence an “Adult Reception.” Still praying and crossing fingers and toes people don’t try to conveniently forget that note at the bottom which is always still a great possibility. Either way, can’t let it stress you too much. Just put it out there and let the chips fall where they may.
Post # 11
playdohpants: I honestly wish we had done this haha it’s a lot easier than the awkward conversation of your kids aren’t invited (we have an additional 6 kids). We ended up jsut eating the cost and not correcting anyone, unfortunately people are now freaking out about the shuttles we hired leaving too late and the kids won’t make it the whole night.
Post # 12
we addressed our invitations to who we wanted to come, and if there was any question when people rsvp’d (a couple did include their kids), we called them and let them know that we were only having adults at the reception. some were annoyed and i understood that, but it was our wedding and we didn’t want kids there. we didn’t have a ton of guests with kids, so we didn’t think it was necessary to do “adults only reception” or anything.
Post # 13
JMer711: I agree to put ‘adult only reception to follow’.
We addressed the invites to specidic people, not + family, and have tried to spread the word around… but we’ll see what happens.
Post # 14
“Adult Reception to Follow” helps to reinforce the idea, without being in your face about kids not being included.
You will likely still have some guests who either write in their children or phone to inquire. Have a sentence opr two prepared so that you can nip that idea in the bud.
“I’m sorry. There must have been a misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate extra guests. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”
Do not make excuses. Soome people just go into problem solving mode.
Not enough chairs- Little Johnny can sit on my lap
Meal not approprioate for children- He eats everything
etc etc etc
Post # 15
We didn’t feel comfortable saying “adults only” on the actual invitation so we simply addressed the envelopes to the parents. We also printed a separate little slip to include in the invitations of people with kids saying something like:
“Although we’re unable to accommodate young children at the reception, we’d love to extend a warm welcome to everyone, including children, to a brunch the next day. Please let us know if we can assist with childcare services during the reception.”
Most parents commented how nice it was to be considered and to have it clearly defined that it was adults only (rather than having to call and check). We only had one rsvp with children and that was my cousin who never reads anything haha.