Post # 1
Need to ask an etiquette question related to the invitations. How should I invite someone that I haven’t seen in a long time? And is it OK to include a letter in the invitation?
I spent most of my childhood in foster care. Some were good, some not so much. Anyway, there are a few people from that time that I would like to reconnect with and share my day with. One is easy, she worked for the state, and as I was growing up whenever she wanted me to do something, she would say, “Come on, do it for me, and I’ll dance at your wedding.” We’ve kept sporadic contact since I aged out so I’m just going to send the invitation with a note reminding her that she promised to dance. I know it’s just an expression, but I’m going to hold her to it.
But the other two are more difficult. I’ve written letters to both. Just letting them know how much of an impact they had on my life, updating them on what I’m doing now. Stuff like that. I originally planned to put the letters in with the invitations, but I’m a little unsure of the etiquette involved with adding anything to the invitations.
So should I – include the letter with the invitation? Send the letter first, wait for a response, then send the invitation? I have time. And is it too weird to invite people that I’ve had no contact with for years? We’re having a small ceremony with just friends (neither of us has any family) FI is fully supportive of my intention. I’m not sure what the restrictions for fosters may be, but I kind of think that would be on them – in other words, I don’t think there’s anything against me inviting them. If they’re not allowed to come, they should know and can decide.
Edit – FYI – I do plan on sending all three as invitations for two, I know two of the women are married
Post # 3
I think putting a letter in your invitation is a lovely idea! It may not be the most traditional route, but it sounds like your wedding will not be a big “formal” affair, and the bigger stuffy weddings are the ones that are usually more strict on formal etiquette.
I can certainly see nothing wrong or rude about enclosing a letter! I hope these individuals are able to make it, and that you will be able to reconnect with them, as they’ve had a positive impact in your life.
Post # 4
I don’t know if there is a specific etiquette for a situation like this but I think it is a lovely idea! I’m sure these people would be thrilled to hear from you and receive a letter like that and to be invited to your wedding. I don’t see anything wrong with it at all.
Just a little reminder – if you add something to the invite, have it weighed before mailing because it may require extra postage.
Post # 5
I think it’s a wonderful idea, and while it might not be traditional, I don’t think that anyone would think it rude. What a sweet thought, and I think it’s very appropriate.
Post # 6
anyone else? I see from searching that there are foster parents on the board. Would you want to be contacted after all these years? Any opinions on how to contact?
Post # 7
I think writing them a letter and inviting them to your wedding is sweet! Go for it!
Post # 8
I’m not a foster parent but, I think that is super sweet! Putting the letter with the invitation would be my choice.
Post # 9
I don’t see how anyone could have anything negative to say about this plan…I think it’s great. Go for it! Screw etiquette. Why do we all worry so much about it!?
Post # 10
Updating my other post reminded me of this one – in case anyone cares
Wedding was in December, just before Christmas. I did as recommended and put the letters into the invitations and got very warm/positive reactions. The ‘dance at your wedding’ woman came with her husband and yes they both danced with me. The other two replied with letters and gifts but were unable to come.
I’ve kept in touch with all of them since then, Christmas cards and email.
Glad I did it, thanks again for your responses.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I missed this post 6 months ago- glad to see you sent the letter, and that you had your dance. 🙂
Post # 12
weddings are definitely a milestone where we reconnenct with people who have impacted our lives greatly. I had two of these at my wedding and both of them accepted. I contacted them before as I did not have addresses for them, this is the only reason … this is so beautiful