Post # 1
Engaged only a little over a week and the drama has already started! Ha ha – so here is the dilemma:
First, my dad wants to invite people he “knows” will not come because he wants my FI and I to receive more gifts. I am really uncomfortable with this for a few reasons, the top two being that I feel like inviting people just for gifts is a terrible thing to do unless it is close family you really did want there but couldn’t attend for some reason and our venue can not accomodate these extra people if they did decide to come (155 capacity venue, FI family is catholic and very close, enough said. :). My dad is footing at least half the wedding bill though, so should I just tell him no and explain why this idea makes me uncomfortable?
Second, although my mom doesn’t want to necessairly invite a bunch of people, she wants us to send out “announcements”. I have never heard of sending someone an announcement unless you are inviting them to the wedding. Has anyone else heard of this?
Third (and last I promise!) both sets of my parents and FI’s parents are helping pay for the wedding (1/2, 1/4, 1/4 respectively). How should invitations be worded in this instance? I feel like having all 3 sets will become really complicated…
Thanks so much in advance for your help!
Post # 4
If all sets of parents are contributing, I would definitely include them all on the invitation.
Post # 5
I agree, if parents are contributing to the wedding, they should be on the invitation.
Post # 6
All 3 sets of our parents are paying! We worded it like this:
mom and stepdad
dad and stepmom
FIL and MIL
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their children
etc. I don’t think it’s awkward – it’s just one (or two) extra line(s) to list all the parents.
As to the rest of your question – I completely agree that it’s awful to invite people just for the gifts. I know your dad means well and just wants the best for you, but I think you need to put the kibosh on this. Use the venue space as an excuse, if necessary.
Edit: also, announcements used to be quite common. They were typically sent out after the wedding had taken place. I don’t know what the current etiquette is on them.
Post # 7
@mightywombat: Thanks so much! I will have to try to look up announcement etiquette…
Post # 8
I definitely agree that all parents should be on the invite… it’s actually very common nowadays. And you should of course talk to your dad and tell him how you feel about inviting people just for gifts! Just explain that you really don’t feel comfortable with the idea and a few extra gifts really isn’t a big deal. Besides, what if these people decide to come – and you said you can’t fit them! As for the announcements, I’m really not sure – sorry! But if you’re sending out invitations what’s the point of the announcement?
Post # 9
Issue #1: Well, I think that you”re right on this issue. You can have some overage in the number of people that you invite, because at least a few people will decline, but to invite many people “knowing” that they wont come – you can’t guarantee that. So be very careful about inviting too many people in case people “you know won”t come” do show up – it has happened!
Issue #2 – Wedding announcements are quite common. You can send them to anyone, and they simply announce the marriage. They’re often used when people have very small weddings or elope and usually include a picture.
Issue #3 – We have the exact same situation. We worded the invites:
Mama Pepper & Stepdaddy Pepper (paying 1/2)
Papa Pepper & Stepmomma Pepper (paying 1/4)
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
Red Pepper Gal
Red Pepper Boy
Mr. & Mrs. Peppers-in-Law (paying 1/4)
Its a little long and a little wordy, but our parents would be hurt if not everyone was on there, and they ARE paying, so we sucked it up and used a reception card.
Hope that helps!
Post # 10
@red_pepper_gal: We worded our invitations just like this.