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It's pretty rude. It's also fairly rude to have a B-list, but if you are going to go that route then I suggest the costco route.
I agree with Kewii that that seems pretty rude. I would also be concerned that guests would talk about the invitations at the wedding (because it seems like you are going to a lot of effort etc) and find out that they were actually on the B list because they got a different invite.
Actually, i know many brides who have an A and B lists of guests. So you are not the only one. In A list are the most close friends and famely and B list used is if there are people in A list who isn't coming to a wedding. The reasons for that could be bouth money aspect and simply venue can't hold bouth A and B people inside. We kinda having this issue at out wedding as well. As there are chairs for only around 60-70 people. I haven't yet decided what we will do if the most close friends and famely can't come...
I think there is nothing wrong in asking if your guest expect to be able to attend your wedding. But if you think you will have honest and dirrect answers with no or yes, you will be dissapointed. I've helped with couple of weddings and i must say that there are always those guests that still not sure about their coming a week before the wedding and some will call you on the wedding day and ask if they can come after all...
With that in mind i would go with your second choise of "less nice invites printed at Costco with the same design on it".
But remember what ever you decide to do someone will still be mad at you :)This is one lesson i learned here very well .
Ps. I know a wedding where wedding couple didn't want any kids to their wedding... that is something i could call rude :)
@j_jaye: I agree. A lists and B lists are rude - and that's what you're trying to do. And just because some brides have them, it does not make it ok. Guests will talk and find out. How awkward and terrible would that be!? =/ I understand what you want to do and why, but every bride and groom have people that RSVP no. You should probably plan on about 15% of people saying no. So if you want, you can send out more invitations if you seriously think x number of people won't show (like friends who live overseas) but you don't wait until you get NOs to send them and you need to prepared for eveyone that you do invite to show up. If you do this, I'd either get the same invitations, or get the costco ones but only send those to a specific group of people (like friends overseas). Don't send one type of invite to one aunt and one to another (friends in the same circle, etc) because odds are they'll find out they each got different invite and wonder what's up.
Good luck and I hope this helped!
I was recently sent an invitation to a wedding where I was either B or C list, (I got the invite a couple weeks after the RSVP date stated on the invite) and you know what? I was thrilled that the couple thought to invite me and I was really excited to be at their wedding, B- list or not.
In the case of the OP, I would suggest that you go ahead and get the original design printed cheaper from cosco. If people love you and want to be at your wedding, they won't care about which invitation they got. Your wedding isn't an imposition on them, it's their own choice. They are adults. They can deal with the fact that people have budgets and it's a smart finacial choice not to go over your budget.
A and B lists (in the case of waiting for A list declines to send B list invites) are very rude.
OP - You cannot call people and ask them if they're coming and not send them an invitation if they are not. Go the cheap route and just send them all.
How many extra invitations do you need? Did you already print any of the invitations?
Honestly, if it were me, I would talk to my parents & bridal party and see if they would help me out and let me not send them a formal invitation. Obviously, they are invited. I know some people might think this is rude of me, but they are my nearest and dearest, and I know they would be understanding of my situation and want to help me out. Would something like this work?
I'm going to pipe in that if you're discrete, B lists aren't rude and aren't noticed. I doubt people will compare invites to others. We're sending out our A invites this week, and will send out B invites next month (at the 2 month window). There is no RSVP by date, so no one will know.
I think having another set of cheaper invites printed that are similar in style will be fine.
As long as you're careful/discreet about it I don't think anyone is going to notice a different invite. Just make sure you send all the people in certain circles (i.e. overseas friends) the same type of invite. I think calling and asking if they will come or not will rub some people the wrong way.
I don't think having A list and B list are rude.
I have a lot of out of country relatives so they get to go on A-list first before anyone. what I did was "verbally" invite all the a-list people including all the close friends to get a feeling on the headcount. All A-list will get an invite card regardless if they come or not.
I didn't plan on sending out STD since I haven't figured out the B-lister headcount yet. So I gave relatives a earlier deadline to RSVP than the general public. So by the time I send out the official invite, I will know how many seats get freed up from A-Lister (primarily my relatives) and I will be able to send out invite to B-Listers as well. No one will be able to tell the difference :)
As for your case, I would say print it at Costco. No one will compare invitation card. I hardly see anyone bring the invite card to wedding nowadays. Some people collect invitation card from weddings as memory. So don't take away from guest's cards unless you have to. (my grandma got upset that my cousin didn't give her the invitation card even though my grandma will be there for sure)
I also think A and B lists are tacky. People will know if their invitation came late, or later than others' invitations (especially if the RSVP date had passed...really??). Anyways, its super innapropriate in my opinion to call people and ask if theyre coming and then decline to send them an invitation if they're not. Either order additonal invitations (we're also doing a 6-piece letterpress invitation suite with edge-painting...so I know letterpress is very expensive but if you want to issue additional invitations, thats what I would do) or don't invite anyone else. I guess if all of your "B" list guests are not friends with each other (i.e. they wouldnt go to one another's homes and notice your invitation on someone else's counter and realize that they got the costco invitation - which would be embarrasing for you), then order from a less expensive invitation place. I would just make sure that there is no chance of someone seeing the other invitation.
I would just print extra invitations when you place you order. I ordered an extra 50 for this reason. It's way cheaper to order extra in the beginning than it is to place another order.
we had A-list, Blist and even C-list. I dont see whats rude about it, its not like they all bump into each other and know that some received their invites before others. The reality is that I am closer to some people than others, and if the people I am really close to cant make it then I will invite the next set of people. it worked great for us, we sent out the A-list invites at about 10 weeks out and withing 2 weeks we already had some rsvps and were able to cross some people off the list and send invites to people on our B list. By 4-6 weeks before the wedding all the invites had gone out so no one knew that their invites came later than others.
If they're invited to your wedding -- even if they can't come -- they should get an invitation.
Isn't that the question here -- whether it's okay to call and find out if some of your guests are coming, without sending them an invitation, so you can "save" the invitations for your B-list?
I think A-lists and B-lists are fine, but I really think all of your guests should get a physical invitation.
@zagora: Sorry I am a bit confused. You are sending invites with no RSVP date? How would this work in any situation but especially for an A and B list? Basically you are saying to guests you don't have to RSVP, just show up. I can't see that helping in an A & B list situation.
Also sending out invites early to get RSVP's back early so you can invite your B list is kind of rude. A lot of people will be unable to tell you 10 weeks out whether they are available or not. Some peoples work schedule just doesn't allow for it. So you might get A listers declining because they are just unable to give you a clear cut answer by your early RSVP date.
The thing that personally bugs me about A and B lists are that if these people are important enough to a B&G why wouldn't they make the actual guest list? Personally we made the guest list first and then planned the wedding around that. We saved for an extra 2 years so we could have everyone we wanted there.
You have to send a legitimate invitation to everyone you are inviting, whether you know/think they can come or not. If that means ordering more invitation, then you need to order more invitations.
Well, for one, if you asked (STD-ed) someone to attend your wedding, they should get an invitation. Even if they already know they can't come, they'll appreciate the gesture of receiving an invitation. So my best suggestion is to order more so you have spares.
I think that a lot of discussion on whether B-listing is tacky or not depends on the timing. You need to give guests plenty of time before the RSVP deadline. So if the A-list went out 3 months before the wedding, and the B-list 2 months (with, let's say, 6 weeks to RSVP), I don't think anybody would complain.
Even if I know it's a B list invite, I would assume that there is a limit to how many people you can invite to a wedding, and if I'm allowed to take your Aunt Maisie's spot, I will be thrilled to be there and celebrate with you.
First of all...WOW...I didn't think so many people thought A and B lists were rude. I personally don't and I'm sure I've been on plenty B, C and D lists and either way I've been thrilled to be a part of things. I wouldn't worry too much about having an A/B list.
However, if someone wanted to know if I was coming or not so they could justify sending me the invitation I would be kinda bummed. I would completely understand, but I'd still feel like as an invited guest I should be entitled to each aspect...the invitation included. In my opinion, if you're planning on inviting the person, just send them the invite. If they decline, get a new invite for the person you'd like to invite in their place.
If you don't mind having a cheaper, but similar looking set of invites made to make up the difference, like you said, maybe those can be sent to the people you're not expecting and not very close to while saving the letterpressed ones for close family and friends. Also, how many additional ones do you need made? Maybe you can get a discount for being a return customer or your vendor will be nice enough to give you a 'bulk' discount even though you made 2 orders. Another thing I'd look into to save a bit of money is the entire suite. How much is included in your suite? For those that you know aren't coming do they need everything in the suite? When you make more invites maybe you can ask for RSVPs via email or something else in order to save on RSVP cards, envelopes and postage.
I also wouldn't worry about people talking about your invitations and finding out that they got different ones so they must be on the B list. I don't think I've ever, in my life, discussed someone else's wedding invites with someone past comments such as, "They were so cute." I don't think different invites will be a big deal at all.
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I'm designing and having letterpressed save the dates and invitations. This number was determined based on number of households. For many younger families, one invitation will suffice for 4-5 people.
Unfortunately, it seems like several of these familes are no longer able to make it. Replacing them would mean at least 1-2 additional invites, which we did not allocate for.
Since 1/3 of our guest list needs to fly here, I also did a quick pass and assumed many of them won't actually come since I've recently fallen off my cloud of 'I"m the center of the universe because I'm getting married" a couple weeks ago. So, with this in mind, our guest list has now dropped in half.
SO - here's the deal. I want to call up all the people I emailed and asked for addresses from, and ask if they're actually coming, because if they're not, I want to give the invite to someone else. Is this unbelievably rude?
Or should I just have less nice invites printed at Costco with the same design on it? I'm just not really sure what to do. I could order more; the plates are already made, but these things were not cheap. As in like $20 each not cheap. I'm willing to mail some to family that won't make it. But friends from study abroad that probably won't come? Not so much.
Help.