Post # 1
Long story short: my FMIL has this issue with reputation and how things look on them. My parents are paying for the wedding. I’m making in the invitations. The wording includes my parents (as hosts) and not my FILs…
I have shown the invites to my FI to “approve” before sending out, figuring if the FILs have an issue, it is at least a “joint” decision… he said they are fine as is, but I know his parents will flip out. question: do we show them ahead of time? or wait for them to receive their own?
My FMIL has really been upsetting me and dictating things she really shouldn’t have a say over since she hasn’t helped us out at all (yet it is because of her that we MUST have open bar and 250 people)… I really feel my parents deserve the credit for this… so to speak.
Post # 3
You’re 100% fine with just putting your parent’s as hosts. If FILs complain, just calmly state that you are following proper ettiquette by acknowledging the hosts. I wouldn’t bother showing them beforehand, it’ll just make things more difficult for you if they try to insist you change it.
Post # 4
I agree if you show them ahead of time they will flip and expect you to change them. Also I think the act of showing them in advance will make them feel you think you’re doing something wrong. Show them and change them or start world war 3 over it, or leave them as is, don’t show them and when they complain, just explain ettiquette dictates you honor the hosts this way which would be your parents.
Post # 5
don’t show them. Just mail them. They’ll see it when they get it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Wait for them to receive them. What are you going to do if she flips out- change it? No, so don’t show her.
Post # 7
You are following proper form. Those who pay/host are mentioned. If FIL flip you send them to Emily Post.
Post # 8
I think there is a saying that goes “Dont ask for permission.. but later ask for forgiveness”
Don’t bother asking them… that’s two headaches instead of one!!!!
Post # 9
You are doing it correctly. Let them flip out…. and let your fiance handle her. If necessary, if she phones you to complain, hand you fiance the phone (or politely end the conversation and get him to phone her). Remember that each person should handle their own side of the family, so dealing with FMIL is primarily FI’s job, not yours.
Post # 10
Just to follow up my last post… in other words, if your fiance is fine with not telling them (and dealing with the fallout), then trust his judgement. He knows them better than you do.
Post # 11
Emily Post says the people paying/hosting should be the ones issuing the invitation. In my case, we are paying, so the invitation was issued by us. If my parents were paying, but his weren’t, we would have worded it that my parents request the honour of everyone’s presence at the wedding of their daughter, me, and FI, son of so-and-so. So you could mention them, while still giving your parents credit. Maybe that would be the way to go if you think FI’s parents will be hurt at not being named at all?
Post # 12
@Edelweiss: under normal circumstances, I’d fully agree…however! My FMIL has been nitpicking for things she wants…almost demanding them because if we don’t have them it ” is embarrassing for them, a dislook maker looks bad” we figure if her name isn’t in it, nothing is being reflected on her…and plus she doesn’t deserve it! Anthose doesn’t know we’ve decided against some of her demands so at least this way SHE has nothing to be ” embarrassed from”. My parents deserve soooo much credit, they’ve asked for nothing….this is the least we can do for them.
Post # 13
I don’t believe the invitations should be an opportunity to show who’s paying. My parents have contributed, FI’s parents and step-parents haven’t, but we put “Together with their families” to include everyone and be nice.
Post # 14
Your parents deserve credit and if they want to b listed as host too they need to foot some of the bill