Post # 1
Oh my, what fun. Feeling like it is high time to have sent out my invitations, I have been scrambling this past week to get addresses together. I think I have almost everything now, but in the process have run into a couple snags:
First off, it feels weird to send a wedding invitation right after a death, or three! Last week we found out that my cousin’s baby died at 36 weeks. Another cousin’s MIL has just died of cancer, and a second cousin’s father has also died of cancer. I’m not sure, but I might either wait a bit to send these invites, although these are all out of towners so I don’t want to wait too long or else I risk not giving them enough time. Should I send a condolence note in the invitation, or a separate card, maybe? Has anyone else dealt with this?
Then I messaged the wife of my FI’s friend to get their address. She told me they were separating! FI and I don’t actually know her very well, but now she basically knows that she would have been invited so I think the only thing to do is invite them both separately. I’m guessing she likely wouldn’t come if things haven’t changed in the next couple of months.
eeK! I thought sending out invites would have been more straighforward!
Post # 3
Oh my! what a lot of terrible misfortunes all at once. Your insticts are very good: none of these people are going to be thrilled by your wedding right now. First and at once, before you do anything else, write a note of condolence to each of these relatives. Send it off immediately, before you do anything else wedding-related. Compassion needs to come first, and needs to stand alone.
Give your condolence note a chance to arive before you send the invitations. You don’t have to wait too long: it should just be enough to put those three invitations to the bottom of your stack to be addressed.
You are correct, too, to treat your FI’s friend’s estranged wife as a welcome guest in her own right. It’s always proper to pretend (at least) that all your guests are wanted guests, and that none of them are being invited pro-forma or because they’re associated with someone else. Invite her separately, just as you will invite her estranged husband separately.
Post # 4
Difficult times.. I’d certainly send a condolence letter/card and not send the wedding invite to them for another few weeks after. Send the remainder of the invites out now though.
I agree with the above pp, to invite them separately.