Post # 1
I am in the middle of a major dilemma.
My Mom and I had ordered a sample invitation with the wording “Brides parents request the honour of your presence at the wedding of the bride to the groom, son of groom’s parents”.
When my fiance saw that, he was upset that his parents’ names were not up at the top with my parents.
My parents are paying for the wedding – however – his parents had generously offered to split the costs with my parents, and my parents declined as they wanted to be able to do this for us, and wanted to go a more traditional route. So this is not a case of his parents being unwilling to pay. So my fiance feels it’s unfair to not give them more acknowledgement. But if his parents ARE at the top, that gives the impression that they HAVE paid, and it feels like that lessens the acknowledgment of my parents hosting.
My Mom raised the point that they were trying to make it simpler for us, since if both sets of parents paid we would likely get less say in how things were decided, and we would feel obligated to please 2 sets of parents.
Over 60% of the guests are from his side, and my parents cut their list shorter than they would have liked in order to accommodate this, so they are feeling they’ve already made concessions.
I feel very torn and stuck in the middle or a ridiculous debate.
Post # 3
My invitations say “Ms. Bride’s Mom and Mr. Bride’s Dad and Mr. Groom’s Dad and Ms. Groom’s Mom request the honor…” if that’s an option (split among three lines). That way his parents’ names are still after your parents’ names but still at the top.
ETA: I didn’t see the poll before I replied but I felt this was the best way to go about it in our situation where everyone is contributing something.
Post # 4
Along with our parents, we
bride and groom
invite you to blah blah blah.
my parents paid for 40% of the wedding and his parents paid for honeymoon, so they both contributed equal amounts. we thought listing both sets of names seemeed too wordy and crowded.
would your parents care if their names weren’t listed?
Post # 5
If your parents are paying, they should be top billing. I think his parents names should not be on the invite. However, if it is going to be a source on contention with your FI, put his parents names under his name. Also remember that if your FI parents are throwing the rehearsal dinner, they get to have their names on the invite and your parents are not on there at all.
Post # 6
While I’m personally a fan of ‘Together with their parents, Bride and Groom blah blah blah’, I think this is an easy give to appease the in-laws. Although, re-reading, it doesn’t actually sound like they’re upset, just FI. I don’t think you have any wrong options here, etiquette-wise, so I would pick the one that’s going to make life easiest for you. How strongly does your mom feel about it, vs. how strongly does FI feel about it? At the end of the day, I don’t think most people receiving an invitation make judgements about who paid for what based on the wording…in part because there are so many different ways it is done these days.
Post # 7
I vote you stick with the wording as you have it. If your parents are paying for the whole wedding, that means they’re hosting, which means they are inviting the guests (as your invitation says). It’s not a snub to the groom’s parents at all to word it this way; it’s simply an indication of who the hosts are. If his parents are hosting a dinner the night before the wedding, they should word the invitation with their names at the top.
Post # 8
totally agree with stillme! if he really wants his parents’ names on the invite, they should go under his.
Post # 9
I don’t think you put peoples names on top because they offered to pay. You put them on top if they are paying. Which I think is a bit archaic anyway. His parents are listed, which they don’t actually have to be- I’ve seen lots of invitations where they aren’t. I don’t think he has any grounds to complain.
Post # 10
Together with their parents
Clare and Noah
request the pleasure of your company
at their marriage
Post # 11
@stillme: Thanks, I tend to agree, but am trying to let everyone be happy….
Post # 12
The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of
Daughter of X & Y
Son of X & Y
This makes both sets of parents happy. I just had my parents on there at first and the groom’s parents squaked because they said they were paying for some stuff (didn’t know that) so I added them in.
Post # 13
Honestly, I don’t think anyone notices too much whether they are at the top, or under his name, as long as they are on there. A lot of people these days, unfortunately, do not know what etiquette rules are or are not being followed when it come to invitation wording, and don’t understand what the placement of their names implies (as far as who paid for what)