Post # 1
I have a question about wedding invitation etiquette. In most guides that I’ve read it is suggested that who pays for the wedding should be the host on the invitation. The cases I’ve seen online are:
The brides parents are paying: then the wording reflects that they are the hosts. E.g. Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents request the honor of your presence….
Both sets of parents are paying, or helping with the wedding: In this case either all parents are names as hosts, or to make it shorted you can write “Together with their parents, Bride and Groom request the honor of your presence…
Bride and Groom are paying: Then they are the hosts.
What I have not found anywhere is how to express on the invitation that the costs are being sustained by the bride and groom and ONLY ONE set of parents – which is my case. I really don’t want to make a faux pas, so can you tell me if you either think the following form is acceptable or, if it’s not, what it should be?
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s parents
request the honor of your presence ……..
Thank you for your help!
Post # 3
We had a similar situation with our wedding – my parents were paying for a chunk, and we were paying for the rest. We ended up just putting:
Mr. and Mrs. Blueshoes request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter First and middle name to Husband First middle and last name.
We opted to not include his parents since they weren’t contributing financially, and because his parents are divorced, so that would have been even more difficult. If we did include them, it would have looked like your above form. Hope this helps a little!
Post # 4
There is actually another post about this and it seems most people put both even if only one helps because they just don’t want to upset anyone. I actually like what you have but would your Fiance family be offended because some guests will figure out what that wording means?
Post # 5
Talk to your family about it.
My Mom thought it was a pretty silly tradition (and she was paying), so she suggested ‘together with their families’. Because it’s more about the celebration than who is paying.
I think who is paying should decide the wording.
Post # 6
Some of these sound a little weird, but it can give you some ideas anyway.
For one wedding we hosted and B&G contributed, only our names were on it. Groom’s parents were divorced and both remarried, and no one helped at all.
For the other wedding, we paid for the reception and lots of other things, B&G contributed by paying for venue and cake, and groom’s parents paid for many things (photographer,invitations,Rehearsal Dinner, DJ) so both our names were on it.
Post # 7
I like the wording that you have, although I would probably run it by his family to see if they’d be offended by it. Still, though, even if they were, you don’t really have the right to complain about that wording (or anything wedding related) if you ain’t paying, IMO.
Another option would be “together with their families” if that one is ok with your fam.
Post # 8
Thank you for the suggestions, I see now that I should first of all ask this to my parents and see how they feel about the wording!
Post # 9
You are actually starting from a false understanding, which is causing some of the problem. It is actually NOT true that whoever is paying automatically becomes the host. The host is the person who takes personal responsibility for bringing the event off: the person guests will hold socially responsible for any gaffs, the person who will make the final decisions on anything related to planning the guests’ care and entertainment. Where that person gets the money to pull off all her responsibilities is a private matter: formal etiquette forbids discussing finances in public or blatantly laying finances out before your guests.
Formal etiquette also holds that the duties of host aren’t really divisible amongst a committee (except in the case of a women’s club social committee, and even then invitations are generally issued by the committee chair on behalf of the club). So proper form is to pick ONE — either yourself, or your parents — and issue the invitations in that name. Now, there’s nothing wrong with deciding to dispense with formal protocol. But once you do, you can stop worrying about what would be “right” and go instead with what you decide for yourself after due consideration.
Although what I generally decide after due consideration, is to stick with correct form.