Post # 1
So I am in a dilemna that is probably a lot more common than I thought. But, in the process of ordering invitations we sent samples to both sets of parents just to get opinions and make everyone feel included. My parents are paying for the wedding and his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. We thought it would be a nice gesture to put both parents names on the invite and it read “mr. And mrs. Jon smith request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter X to Y, son of mr. And mrs. Bob jones”.
Apparently FMIL was not happy about it and felt snubbed (we have created separate rehearsal dinner invites acknowledging they are hosting the event). She has gone off on FI about it. She then sent me a text asking to change the wording so it looks like both sets of parents are hosting the wedding/reception. I don’t really know how to respond in the most diplomatic way. My parents are definitely paying a pretty penny for the wedding and I am their only daughter. They are very laid back low key people but I know they are very proud of the wedding they are throwing in honor of FI and I and I think they would be hurt if the wording did change, they may not admit to it though.
So basically I need help on how to handle this situation without hurting anyone’s feelings. FI said to keep the wording and I agree but FMIL has caused a lot of drama in the past and I don’t want her getting upset over this. Any advice would be helpful, I just want to be respectful to all parties involved.
Post # 2
Have you already bought the real invites?
If not, I would change the wording to: “along with their parents Lbward6 & FI request the honor of your presence at their wedding on November X, 2014” (real names & date of course)
That way it acknowledges both sides.. I would think your parents would be ok as long as they are still clearly acknowledged correct?
Post # 3
She then sent me a text asking to change the wording so it looks like both sets of parents are hosting the wedding/reception
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Lbward6: But she’s not helping host the wedding/reception. Does this mean your parents names will be on the rehearsal dinner invites as well?
Post # 4
ashlauren22: I think they kind of want their names on the invite since they are the ones hosting the party, FI and I are not paying for anything and it wouldn’t feel right not having their names on there. Who knew a piece of paper could stir up so much drama?
Post # 5
housebee: no, just the in laws names are on the rehearsal dinner invite, this was sent to them with the wedding invite so they knew they were being acknowledge in some way.
Post # 6
Post # 7
Okay, so I’ll be the first to admit that weddings and wedding etiquette are a whole new world to me…
So I could be utterly wrong when I say this, so take it with a grain of salt. However, all I got out of your explanation was that your FMIL doesn’t want people thinking that she and her husband did not contribute to the wedding.
(Which they didn’t??)
So, maybe you and your FI could try looking up different wording for the invites that isn’t quite as obvious, or you could just sort of roll your eyes at FMIL since she’s prone to drama like you said she was. Especially since you went out of your way to make seperate invites so that people would know FMIL/FFIL were hosting the rehearsal.
Did she complain about how the rehearsal invites were worded? I’m assuming your parents weren’t put on that invitation as hosting, and she doesn’t seem upset about that.
Sorry I don’t have much of a better answer for you. I hope this gets better for you soon. 🙂
Post # 8
I would leave them as they are and politely point out that you have acknowledged people appropriately, which is why only their names are on the rehearsal dinner invite. You may not want to cause tension, but they are wrong and I would prefer for them to feel snubbed than to upset my own parents who have given me so much.
Post # 9
I would leave it as is and have fi tell them. They don’t pay, they get no’say.
Post # 10
She needs to suck it up. Have your FI deal with this as it is his mom and he needs to say kindly but firmly, your parents are hosting the wedding and the invite will reflect that. The rehearsal dinner invite will note their contribution.
Post # 11
tiredgrey: haha I appreciate your response, I am new to all of this as well. She had no issue with the rehearsal dinner invite just the wedding invite, she tends to love being the center of attention so I think it may be more of an attention thing than anything else.
LaPetiote: thanks for your response, I think we are going to leave them as is and have FI talk to her since he knows how to handle sticky situations with her
alyssaC: haha thanks for your response
MrsBuesleBee: thanks having FI talk to her is the best situation.
Post # 12
Lbward6: You’re welcome, hope she stops sulking before the wedding 😉
Post # 13
I left names out of every invite wedid. My FI’s parents are paying for (most) of the rehearsal dinner and MIL is overly into it, my dad is paying for the wedding and could careless about etiquette (in the terms that he is easy and a ‘thank you’ goes much further than plastering his name everywhere.) I am going to make sure it is acknolwedged somewhere about my dad but we wanted our invites to have a casual feel so we had wording like “we invite you to share in an evening that has been in the works since age 16, join us for a night full of love, laughter, and celebration as we witness the marriage of…” etc etc. Just an idea! Again, I’m not sure what the feel of your wedding is or if your parents would care but if they are laid back like my dad that seemed to advert some drama! 🙂
Post # 14
Tell FMIL” oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you’re contributing to the wedding. What is the ammount on the check I am expecting?”
Your wording has perfect etiquett to your situation and you FMIL needs to either contribute or STFU.
Post # 15
Atalanta: hahah omg I wish I could say this
lcowher: I would leave names out but it’s a very formal east coast black tie wedding