Post # 1
The situation: Both my Fi’s and my family are hosting the event. Usually it would be Mr. and Mrs. my dad’s name and Mr. and Mrs. his dad’s name. But his mom has her doctorate. Would I use the same rule as I would if I was addressing the envelope to his parents (AKA: Dr. His mom’s name and Mr. His dad’s name)?
Hope this question makes sense!
Post # 3
Etiquette would say you would list titles first.. so it would be ‘Dr. and Mr. Hislastname’ … personally I would ask his Mum though and she what she says!
Alternatively you could take the easy way out (like we plan on doing) and put “Together with our parents / families” 🙂
Post # 4
I wish I could help… we just went with “together with their parents”
Post # 5
@WhiteWedding: I may have to do something similar. I just wrote it out the way I think it should be and it is a big wordy mess! Thanks for the reply!
Post # 6
Ask! Some people don’t care and others are touchy about that Dr. I know a lot of doctors, both medical and PhD and the importance of the title is all over the place.
A good way to put it would be
Mr. and Mrs. Dadname and Momname Lastname
Mr. and Dr. (or Mrs.) FILname and MILname Lastname
invite you etc.
Doing the Mr. and Mrs. Husbandname Last name is starting to become less and less acceptable. I wouldn’t say that it’s a breach of etiquette at this point but it’s probably better to acknowledge that there are two adult humans in a pair.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I had a friend with her doctorate get married recently and the officiant introduced them as Mr. and Dr. HisFirst HisLast.
I would do that. I think it’s awkward to put Dr. and Mr. HisFirst HisLast. I’m assuming she took his last name. You can always do Dr. HerFirst TheirLast and Mr. HisFirst TheirLast.
Post # 8
I would ask her if she wants her professional designation used. It is a social event, and typrically professional designations are not used in social correspondence.
But some people like being addressed by their designation socially.
If you do go with using her title, then she is rightly listed first.
Doctor and Mister Robert Jones.
Post # 9
@mrsnjemanze2b: People’s proper names on business and social documents are the names that they themselves use. If a lady goes by her own name, then you use that name with her own title. If a lady goes by her husband’s name, then you use her husbands name with the title “Mrs”. In social usage, the surname and given name are not usually used together. Surnames with titles are used in formal situations (or given names with titles, for younger siblings of the same surname); given names without titles are used in informal situations. The only time surname and given name are used together with a title is for disambiguation — which is necessary at the heading of a wedding invitation since there is probably more than one “John Smith” (or even more than one “Aspasia Phipps”) in the entire global village that everyone is connected with nowadays.
Also note that nowadays wives often change their surname to their husbands surname, and then use it as if it were their own name (meaning, they use it with their own first name and with professional titles). This is NOT traditional, but it IS what people do, and their preferences have to be respected. So:
- If a lady who is a Medical Doctor or PhD has taken her husband’s name, and the two issue correspondence jointly, they refer to themselves as “Mr and Mrs John Smith” (or, in the U.S., as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”)
- If a lady who is a Medical Doctor has not changed her surname, and the two issue correspondence jointly, they refer to themselves as “Doctor Jane Jones and Mr John Smith” (or, in the U.S., as “Dr. Jane Jones and Mr. John Smith”)
- If a lady who is a Medical Doctor has changed her surname to her husband’s surname but still goes by her own (albeit “new”) name, and the two issue correspondence jointly, they refer to themselves as “Doctor Jane Smith and Mr John Smith” (or, in the U.S., as “Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith)
- If a lady who is a PhD goes by her own name (changed or not), and she and her husband issue correspondence jointly, they refer to themselves as “Ms Jane Jones and Mr John Smith” (or, in the U.S., as “Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. John Smith), since only medical doctors supposedly use their title socially. Also note that in the U.S.A. the last two First Ladies have set the precedent of using “Mrs.” before their own given name — as in, “Mrs. Laura Bush” and “Mrs. Michelle Obama” — so even though Miss Manners and Brielle and I all agree that Mrs. before a lady’s given name is wrong, it has to be considered — grudgingly — acceptable in the U.S.A. In Canada we have the example of the Second Lady using “Madam” as her title before her own given name, which I quite like; and in the U.K. of course the First Lady goes by “Your Majesty” and the second Lady by “Your Grace”, so they cannot provide any guidance on this contentious issue. I have no idea what precedence has been set in Australia, other than that most Australians I have known think that Canadians are funny for saying “Oh, sorry” when bumped into; and would doubtless find worrying about whether or not to use “Mrs” (let alone quibbling over the period) an utter yuk-yuk fest.
- If a lady who is a PhD goes by her own name (changed or not) and figures that she has earned that degree and plans to use the title, so there! and her husband figures that if she is going to flaunt her credentials as an academic then he is going to flaunt his as a professional geologist, dammit! and the two of them can at least agree to issue correspondence jointly, they refer to themselves as “Dr. Jane Smith and Mr John Smith P.Geol.” and their friends all roll their eyes. BUT their friends then use those etiquette-spurned styles of address whenever addressing correspondence back to them because …
The highest rule of etiquette says, you call people by the name that they themselves prefer!!!
Post # 10
Thanks for all the advice. I asked Future Mother-In-Law what she wanted and she of course said she doesn’t care either way and then said, ” I guess I should use my title more often. I went to school long enough and paid a lot of money for it.” So basically any way I go, she is fine. What would you do now in this situation with that information??
Post # 11
@mrsnjemanze2b: I would read the comment “I guess I should use it more often” as “I don’t want to be snobby or uppity, but I would really like it if you used my title.” So I would use it.