Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
We are paying for more than half of our wedding, while FIs parents are paying for almost half and my mom is contributing very little.
We are now been in long discussions trying to figure out the invitation wording. I am very traditional and want my mom to be listed on the invitations, as well as his parents. However, FI thinks it should either be Together with our families, or grooms parents and brides mom invite you….
I just think by having the FIs parents listed first it’s odd and will really signify that his parents are paying the majority of it. I don’t like that it’s all about money, to me it’s pure and simple to just respect both parents and it’s really hurting me. My mom is a single mom and his parents are very wealthy and have helped us out a lot.
Another example I saw was:
Together with our families
daughter of brides mom
son of FIs parents
Just mentioned it to FI but I have a feeling he won’t like it since my moms name would be above his parents. I have complete respect for his parents and love them but I don’t feel everyone needs to know the financial business of the wedding…
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I could be wrong, but doesn’t the host’s name go first? So to me, you & FI would be the hosts. So I would do something like, “Together with their families, TattooedGuy and TattoedChick invite you to….” etc..
Also, you say it’s just about pure and simple respect, so why DOES your mom’s name have to be first? Having both parents listed IS respecting both parents. There’s no more important family based on who comes first.
Your example is nice. But you seem to be fixated on having your mom’s name first. Why?
Post # 3
I got into this argument with my fiance’. Going by “hosting” etiquette, I wasn’t going to put any of our parents names on our invitation since we are paying for everything ourselves. But, he was right in what he said– our parents supported us our whole lives, it’s not fair to leave them both out. That being said, our invites said:
Bride’s name & Groom’s name<br />Together with our families<br />Mr & Mrs. Bride’s Parents Mr Groom’s Dad / Ms. Groom’s Mom<br />request the pleasure of your company in the celebration of our marriage
Post # 4
Hosting is not determined by who pays the most.
Look on the Etiquette Board and read the threads about invitations. You will benefit from reading some of the posts by the Bees who are experts in Etiquette.
Keep in mind that you also want to ensure good relations all around. It’s not worth being petty or issisting on any particular wording (by you or your FI) at the expense of future relationships.
Post # 5
Ugh, I was in a similar situation. My parents aren’t making any financial contributions (they didn’t want to spend the money on me and decided to buy themselves something big instead). I’m paying for everything exception for the reception…my fiance’s parents are paying for the reception. I didn’t really intend to put my parents’ names in there since they weren’t hosting or well, doing anything other than showing up. And to make it worse, according to rules of etiquette, since the bride’s name is mentiond first in the invites and the groom’s after, it would be confusing if I put his parents’ names first (since they’re actaully helping to pay) and then my parents after…then people will think his parents are my parents just based on the order of how names are mentioned. And my parents gave a huge hissy fit over the fact that they should be mentioned first…just because (haha…because they’re jerks?) Good luck!
Post # 6
TattooedChick23: Hosting is about more than paying. Anyone who tries to infer something about your families’ finances from your wedding invitation is both wrong and crass.
Post # 7
I feel like a jerk because our invites dont even mention our parents even though all are contributing lots. I just thought..we’re 29 and 34 and we’re inviting the people we want there. Even with their contributions, our wedding has 100% been about us… but now I feel like we should have named our ‘rents. geeze. So many decisions made…so many second guesses.