(Closed) Invitation Wording Issues….FIL’s feel left out

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You could always just say, "I want the invite very traditional, and it is tradition that the with the bride’s parents hosting, it is their names on the invite."

Otherwise, if you wanted to keep them happy, you could do like I did for mine which said:

Mr and Mrs Bride’s Parents request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Bride’s name to Groom’s name, son of Mr and Mrs Groom’s Parents.

That way is clear that the bride’s parents are hosting, but also mentiond the groom’s parents.

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I think rosychicklet’s suggested wording works out quite nicely!

As an FYI, I know that the tradition is for the parents that pay to be named on the invitation but I think this tradition is starting to go out of style, since it tends to get very messy because of all the implications of who helped, who didn’t help, etc.

Post # 5
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My FH’s parents aren’t helping with the wedding either and we are still including them on the invite.  I know it is not "traditional" but his mom already mentioned that she thought it was weird to not include them when she got an invite to a wedding a few weeks ago. The invitation did not have the grooms parents on it.  So we are doing it to keep the peace.

 

Even if they didn’t help with University costs, I think it would be good for you to include them.  We are doing it like Rosychicklet suggested with his parents name after his, so it doesn’t look like they are hosting.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve never seen an invitation where the groom’s parents names were listed! It’s always listed in the program, though. Just tell them that since your parents are "giving" you away, it’s traditionally the brides family who is listed. Otherwise, I say you do what rosy said and list them, if ti will really cause that much drama. Maybe they won’t be insulted if they realize taht you will acknowledge them in other ways, just not the invitation?

Post # 7
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

If it’s going to cause a lot of drama, I’d just include them a la rosychicklet’s suggestion.  Or we got a wedding invitation awhile ago that just went with the "Together with their parents blah blah."  

Post # 8
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I agree with Rosychicklet’s comment.  The other option is to see if they are going to help with the rehersal dinner. The normal wedding ettique is for them to throw that party and they would send out the invites with their names on it.

Post # 9
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think rosychicklet’s suggested wording is the way to go — it’s still traditional and Emily Post-approved, and it will help you avoid an argument with your FILs.  It sounds like you’re kind of annoyed with your FILs, their demands, and their refusal to help financially with either your FI’s college or the wedding, and to be honest I’d be annoyed too.  But I think rosychicklet’s wording makes it clear that your parents are hosting (i.e. paying) while still accommodating your FILs’ desire to have their names on there. 

Post # 10
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

If it helps, my sister and I both did our wedding invitations with wording like rosychicklet’s suggestion.  Neither of our husband’s families contributed a nickel – in her case, she and her husband bought her MIL’s plane tickets, and in our case, we paid for my MIL’s hotel room.  It actually is a case, for us, of them just not having the money – which maybe lowers the resentment factor, but introduces a bunch of other issues (trust me on this).

Anyway, that’s what I recommend.  There is no rule of etiquette that says that you don’t mention the groom’s parents.  You should include them only as shown by rosychicklet, unless they are co-hosting – in other words, their names don’t go at the top, along with your parents, unless they are contributing.  But including their names after the groom’s name does keep them from feeling purposely excluded, while also making it clear that all they contributed was the groom.

Post # 11
Member
406 posts
Helper bee

We’re doing "Together with their parents Miss GrumpyBear and Mr Grumpybear request the pleasure of your company". Our situation is complicated though. FI’s parents are giving us a set amount of money to use however we please (we decided to use it for the wedding), my Dad passed away last May, and my Mom is helping how she can (she doesn’t have the money to give… which is totally cool). What complicates it even more is that we don’t want to list one set of parents over the other, and since I can’t list my Dad with my Mom we decided to not use any parental names. We haven’t run it past family yet, but I doubt they’ll mind.

Good luck.

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

You are right about not listing them, as if they’ve contributed money, when they haven’t.   Furthermore, you shouldn’t say anything to them.  Your FI should do the talking.  If you are OK with the wordng that Rosy suggested, (and the FIL’s are happy too) go for it.  Everyone is a winner.  But if they don’t think that’s good enough, I would make sure Fi tells them how invitations are traditionally worded, and why they aren’t listed as if they’re hosting the party.

Post # 13
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We have the same issue, and we just went around it and wrote
"Mr. and Mrs. blah blah blah
and
Mr. and Mrs. blah blah blah
invite you to the wedding of the children
me and FI"

We just didn’t want to deal with it, so thats what we did.

Post # 14
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I did what Roseychicklet did, even though his parents are not contributing.

Post # 15
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think that in this situation, if you don’t mind having his parents’ name on the invites, then Rosy’s suggestio would work fine. That is what I did. My parents are hosting the weddng, but my FI really wanted his parents’ name on the invites, so I said: Parents (Mr & Mrs…) of the bride request the honor or your presence at the wedding of their daugther, Bride, to Groom, son of Mr & Mrs… 

This made it clear that my parents were hosting.

If you would rather not include them on the invite at all, you could just have your FI tell them that since your parents are contributing and technically hosting the wedding, etiquette states that their name goes on the invite. If your future in laws are hosting the rehearsal dinner, then you could always mention to them that their names will be on the r-dinner invites. You can point out since they will be throwing the rehearsal dinner, their names will be the only ones on the invite– just like you wouldn’t ask to put your parents’ names on their rehearsal dinner invite, you can’t put their names on the wedding invite.  

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