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For the FFIL, I say put whatever name he requests! If people know him as David, they might be confused by an invitation that says William, and really, people will be too excited about getting your invite to even notice the other people named on it 
Your mom's argument is a little more confusing.... I think you could still put her first name (rather than Mr. and Mrs. Manlyname Shortcake, put Mr. Manlyname and Mrs. Ladyname Shortcake, or get rid of the Mr. and Mrs. altogether), but it will look weird to put her name on a separate line from her husband if they are, indeed, married. Can you explain to her that this is simply etiquette, and putting her name on another line may mislead some guests into believing your parents are divorced? Wouldn't her husband (I'm not sure if this is your dad or step-dad) be slightly offended that she doesn't want to be associated with him?
Is David his middle name? Then you would put W. David LastName. If it's just name that he is known by professionally and personally I would say use David. If everyone knew him as Buddy or something I would say use William "Buddy" LastName.
Er.... I would draw the line at getting her own line - as a parent she is one of a set of two parents so on the invitation she is part of a unit. But for the spririt of compromise maybe you could do MomFirstName and DadFirstName Last Name (i.e. Kathy and Jim Smith).
knlebrs07natas.jpg (20.2 KB, 130 downloads) 2 years old
Wow, I didn't know you had to be a "militant feminist" to ask that your name be used instead of Mrs. Husband's Name... just a side note :)
... and I think vyeta's advice on the David question is spot-on.
My mother also doesn't like to be Mrs. HisName LastName. We did our invitations as:
John and Jane Smith / invite you to join in celebrating / the marriage of their daughter / Suzanno...
FI's mother also did not want to be Mrs. HisName LastName; she is a widower. Since she preferred the same kind of wording as my parents, it worked great. Not as formal as some invitations, but it's not a black tie wedding anyway.
As for you FFIL, it's a wedding invitation, not a legal document after all. You can certainly print the name he goes by; there's no particular reason to insist on his legal name.
I'd agree that having her own line is a bit much, especially when real estate on your invitation is so limited! However, I am one of those women who loves having my husband's last name, but do agree that my first name is just as important.
I think you can fit it on one line: Mrs. Jane & Dr. John Smith, or Mrs. Jane Smith & Dr. John Smith. If they have really long names, then you just might have to go to two lines anyway!
For FFIL, I'd print the name that everyone knows him by.
Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast has bugged me since before I was even a teenager. I was hardly a "militant feminist" at 10 (or any time) but I did understand the importance of individual identity. I would be fine with Mrs. Myfirst & Dr. Hisfirst Ourlast if we shared a last name.
Lotus.jpg (33.2 KB, 49 downloads) 2 years old
my husband doesn't go by his given name either (although his relatives still call him by his real name). To avoid confusion from both sides of the camp, I put our names as:
My Name My Middle Name My Last Name
&
His Real Name "Name He Goes By" Last Name
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What do you put on an invite that is listing both parents when the FFIL doesn't go by his real name? (His name is William, he goes by David)
What do you put on a formally worded invite when your happily married mother suddenly becomes an militant feminist and refuses to have "her identity lumped in with a man's" - and wants her full name written (instead of Dr. and mrs) and her own line.
:P
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