(Closed) Invitation Wording: Please help with tricky situation

posted 7 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

fi is technically correct. you could get around the issue by just saying “together with their parents…”

if the difference in contributions isn’t huge, i would stick with putting your parents first.

Post # 4
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@pcMrsK: Hmm, that is a tricky one. Personally, I don’t think about the order of parents listed on the invitation as being tied to who paid what, but I can understand that some people do look at it that way. Maybe you could consider doing a “together with their parents” wording? Or if you want all of the parents names written out, maybe you could play with the layout a little bit so that the parents names are in blocks on the left and right side, but at the same height on the invitation — I’ve seen this done a couple times and it looks nice!

Good luck!

Post # 5
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

What do your respective parents think about the matter? My parents are paying for the whole wedding and couldn’t have cared less whether they were listed as “hosts” or not. So, I guess my first question is whether you asked them how they feel about it?

What about saying “together with their parents” instead of listing their names? That gives them equal billing.

A related question will be who gives the “welcome toast” at the reception – because that is traditionally done by the host? Will both sets of parents do that? If the “first billing” question is touchy, perhaps you could compromise by letting your parents be first on the invites but letting his parents do the welcome toast?

Post # 7
572 posts
Busy bee

Well, I would simply say something like:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Mr. and Mrs. Jones
request the honor of your presence
at the wedding of their children


I think since the bride is listed first so should her parents, etc. I don’t think no one will even think about who paid more for the expenses.

Post # 9
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think your Fiance and his family are PITA. The bride’s family almost always comes first, even if they paid $1 and the groom’s side pays $5 million dollars. I do think in old school etiquette, if their side was hosting the whole thing, then their name would be the inviters.

Here’s what we did (both sides actually gave the same amount) and it might work for you:

Together with their parents

Bob and Jane Bridesparents                      John and Jill Groomsparents

Bride and Groom

request the pleasure of your….blah blah blah


We made it centered so that the the parents were all on one line, with equal weight.

Post # 12
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Here’s a whole page on The Knot about how to do it: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/standard-wedding-invitation-wording-examples.aspx

I enjoy reading etiquette guides so I think I actually do know the answer. Here’s what I think.

If your FI’s parents were paying for the entire thing, and they were determined to have credit for that, the invitation would lead off with them:

Mr. and Mrs. Pain-in-the-Butt
request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their son

Pain in the Butt


Lovely Original Poster

on the tenth of nowhere, etc.

However, this is rarely done, in my opinion, because it makes it seem like your parents are either (a.) dead (b.) disinherited you or (c.) so incredibly poor that they can’t host your wedding at all.

So, the second choice is to list both parents (and you do say your side is contributing). In that case, tradition says that the bride’s side is the lead host. (Unless you are Asian, in which case, the groom’s side is the lead host.) For a Western audience, to lead with the groom’s parents would, in my opinion, be strange, because it’s emphasizing that they paid more money and are demanding credit, so to speak. Regardless of your parents’ relative contribution, I believe they should, in Western tradition, lead, since they are giving you away, etc., etc.

Mr. and Mrs. LovelyPoster’s Parents
Mr. and Mrs. Pain in the Butt

request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children



Pain in the Butt

on 10th of never

Or, as I suggested above, you can use the more modern “together with their parents” wording, which is more equitable.

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