Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn
Hello! I’ve tried to find this answer within the boards without any luck…
My parents are paying for the majority of our wedding costs (we’ll say 95% for argument’s sake). His parents are paying for the reherseal dinner & FI’s suit.
I’m guessing that the invitations should be worded to show that my parent’s are hosting the wedding… is that correct? I don’t want to risk offending my Future In-Laws with exclusing their names.
Thanks for your help!
Post # 3
That is the traditional approach. It should be “Mr. & Mrs. Yourparents… (are happy to announce, invite you etcs)”
They are NOT really paying for the wedding. A rehersal dinner- is just that- their names will go on that and the grooms attire is VERY minimal in comparison with a wedding.
Post # 4
@amandaleaou: First, foremost, overall and as a most basic principal of etiquette: other people’s financial arrangements are NO-ONE ELSE’s BUSINESS. Nice people do not advertise their finances, and they do not speculate about how much other people’s choices cost or what other people’s financial resources are. A formal invitation, therefore, should absolutely NOT be treated as a sponsorship opportunity that is up for sale to the biggest contributor.
Your invitation should be worded so as to show WHO actually IS hosting. “Hosting” means taking personal responsibility for the safety, comfort and entertainment of all of the guests, and putting her social reputation on the line as an assurance to all the guests that they will indeed be cared for, to the extent that the Hostess has the final say on everything — guestlist, menu, venue, decor, seating — that could possibly affedt the guests’ comfort. If that is you, then you should be the person named as hostess. If that is your mother, then she and her husband should be the people named as hosts. If it is you, but only with your mother’s agreement because she might pull the funding out from under you if you flout her wishes or fail to name her as hostess — then it is her and you are merely acting as her trusted delegate.
The so-called “wedding invitation” is traditionally an invitation to the reception, with a nod to the ceremony as being a legally public proceeding. The rehearsal dinner is a separate event, with a separate hostess: it will have its own invitations even if they are issued informally by telephone, and has nothing to do with how the reception invitations are worded. Dressing yourselves for the wedding ceremony is also separate from the reception: adults are expected to pay for their own clothes no matter how fancy the party they are attending: your dress and fiance’s suit have nothing to do with feeding, sheltering and entertaining your guests. And your post-wedding travel plans, whatever they are, are also separate. In fact, the ceremony and license costs are also separate.
With those thoughts in mind, my assessment is that your parents are generously paying for the entire cost of the reception. But they still might not be the hosts. The question is still: who has the “hammer” in all reception-related decisions?