posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Name & Family : (4 votes)
    22 %
    Acb, Def, Ghi & Jkl : (13 votes)
    72 %
    Write no plus ones : (0 votes)
    Here is a nicer way to say that : (1 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Carrielicious:  We wrote everyone’s name on the outer envelope and on the RSVP, listed ‘We have reserved     seats in your honor’ and just filled in the number before we sent each invite. No one exceeded the number we wrote on their RSVP card and several people that wanted to invite a +1 just called us and since we had enough regrets, we agreed to all requests. I REALLY thought all of our guests would come because almost all of our guests are local, so I was very surprised that we had so many regrets!

    Also, we made our own invites 🙂 VERY affordable. I bought thick paper and nice envelopes, downloaded a free trial of Adobe Illustrator, and used a fancy font to create our invitation suite. I printed them at a printing store and used their cutting boards to make nice clean cuts. I also purchased a rounded corner punch to make the edges of our invitations look professional. So easy and so inexpensive!

    Post # 5
    6446 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We wrote “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” and wrote out exactly who was invited on the envelope. I don’t think it’s rude to write out each person’s name on the RSVP but it is a lot of extra work! If someone does write an extra person on there just call them and explain that space is limited.

    Post # 6
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I like the idea of listing the family members! Though if people are determined to write extras in, they will!

    Post # 7
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    We did this as one of our RSVP choices:

    __ of __ will be attending the wedding

    Or something like that. We filled in the second blank with the number invited, so it was very clear whether someone got a +1 or not.

    We also wrote out everyone’s names for the most part. For some typical nuclear families (John and Jane are married, with two kids), we just put “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and family” to indicate that kids were invited. For couples or single people, I wrote ‘Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith” or “Miss Jane Doe and Guest” or just “Miss Jane Doe” if there was no +1.

    Hopefully I made that clear? Ha. I just finished my invites, so my mind is spinning with address ettiquette!

    Post # 9
    1644 posts
    Bumble bee

    Your uncle is misinformed.

    Proper etiquette requires that you invite each guest, by name, by means of an inviation sent to his or her own address. “And Family” is not a name, and it shows disrespect for the junior members of the family who are lumped together and not named.

    The best way to make it absolutely clear, is to name the invitees directly on the invitation itself. Like this, if it is a formal wedding:

    Ms Hostess
    requests the pleasure of the company of
    Mr and Mrs Jones
    Miss Jones, Miss Susan, Master David
    to …

    Then it doesn’t matter if you have inner envelopes or not, or what you write on the R.s.v.p. card: it is clear in black-and-white (or whatever colour you are making your invitations in) exactly who is invited.

    Most properly, etiquette does NOT have you sending R.s.v.p. cards at all — that suggests to your guests that you don’t trust them to know how to reply on their own. What they are supposed to do is take their own stationery and write by hand

    “Mr and Mrs Jones,
    Miss Jones, Miss Susan, Master David
    accept with pleasure the kind invitation of …”

    Now, since it is quite possible that, in fact, you cannot trust your friends to know that, you may decide to use R.s.v.p. cards anyway. I wouldn’t — some brides have tried leaving them out and been pleasantly surprised by how many people did figure out how to reply on their own. But if you do use R.s.v.p. cards, wording them in the traditional proper form with all the names listed out makes more sense to me than any of the options. 

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