Post # 1
We’re writing out our invitations now and I’ve basically wrote out all the outer envelopes for the single people and widows. But now I’m approaching the marrieds.
How did you address your invitations?
As far as I can tell, our options are:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe
Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe
Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe
I know that you are not supposed to split the man’s name and that the proper thing if you include both names is to write “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe” but it looks kind of awkward to me having the woman’s name first.
Also, is it true that you shouldn’t include a doctor’s title if they are a PhD?
Post # 3
@Cem0930: I think it depends on how formal your event is. If it’s super formal, I would stick with the Mr. And Mrs. Mans Name, however, I personally like seeing Mr. Man and Mrs. woman last name (assuming they share the same last name). I would only include the Dr. titles if it’s a formal event, or just for fun (my SO is working on his Ph.D. so he’s very excited to get mail addressed that way lol). If it’s a casual event, I would totally forgo all the titles, ettiquete be damned. Man + Woman Last Name. I would consider doing Woman + Man Last Name, especially if I do not really know the gentleman (in the case of a guest, for example), but I think it’s personal taste and the style of your wedding. Sorry for this long one! I got thinking about it and my ideas got complicated.
Post # 4
If you address an invite to me as “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe”, there’s a 95% chance I will decline and send you a rant about taking women’s identities away with the RSVP.
We have first names, too!!
Post # 5
for me, i prefer Mr John Doe and Ms Jane Smith – we have different surnames
Post # 6
@love108: Thanks for all the advice! It’s semi-formal (at a hall and all that but no one’s wearing ball gowns or anything like that).
Anyways, I feel like I should include titles on the outside envelopes. And I already had titles for all the singles.
The other thing is the etiquette booklet I have says to write Mr. and Mrs. Doe on the inner envelope. Huh? That just seems weird. We were planning on writing John and Jane on the inner envelope. The Knot actually says that is ok if you know the couple well, and you wouldn’t be invited to my wedding if I didn’t.
Because we’re using titles the thing with Dr. is weird to me because I don’t want anyone to get offended because we used Ms. instead of Dr.
Post # 7
Since we eloped, I didn’t address invites but I got our marriage certificate and it was addressed like “Mr. and Mrs. John M. Doe” and it made me sooo happy so I voted to address them that way. 🙂 Plus it’s old fashioned and traditional
Post # 8
So I’ll give you the traditional stuff, if my memory serves (it’s a bit fuzzy, so some other bee might have to correct me!). But here’s what I remember:
Traditionally, it’s Mr. and Mrs. John Doe; and for the inner, it IS Mr. and Mrs. Doe OR, more modern, “Jane and John Doe”
Technically, you can’t do “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe” because you’re not supposed to separate the components of the man’s name (yeah, I know). That also goes for “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe” or “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe”
“Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe” actually implies that the two are family members who live together (Jane being Johns mother or perhaps John’s sister who’s widowed), although you would use this form if the two had different last names (although the woman is usually listed first)
I think that you CAN do “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe” (although it’s probably more familiar to do simply “Jane and John Doe” which is how couples are generally introduced–with the woman first. The titles make it sound sort of awkward to me, but that’s me.)
Now, of course traditional etiquette hasn’t caught up with modern times, so if Jane’s a doctor and John is not, then you have to do “Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe” OR “Dr. Jane and Mr. John Doe” (Really?? “Dr. Jane”??)
I agree with a PP that it kind of depends on the formality of your event, but in the end, people just want to know who’s invited. No one’s going to read the names and think, “Huh. That’s really informal” or “that’s inappropriate” or “how DARE she split the man’s name??” We had a more casual affair, so we just used “Jane and John Doe” and moreover, threw etiquette out the window and went alphabetically with the first names rather than by gender, but we’re wild and reckless like that.