Post # 1
He has a huge family and they are all very tight, local to where we all live now, grew up like siblings. It’s absolutely necessary to him to invite all of his aunts uncles and cousins and their SO’s… like 50 people total. I love them all, and know we’ll continue to be close and raise our future children together.
On my side, I’m not very close with my uncles, cousins, etc… we saw each other at thanksgiving but all different ages, different interests and parented under different philosophies… a few of them have gone to rehab, jail, etc… it caused estrangement. I have no interest in inviting my cousins at all. I’d be open to just aunts and uncles if it meant something to my parents – although I think they may be offended if I don’t invite their children AND their SO’s (who I’ve never met)…equalling like 20 people.
I live on the other side of the country from my family for the last 10 years, was invited solo to a couple of the cousins weddings, but always declined and sent a gift. I’ve much rather spend my invites on friends who have been “family” to me over the last decade I’ve been on my own in CA.
Would it be a huge faux pas if I DON’T invite my cousins and their SO’s when my fiance will have all of his cousins and their SO’s attending? What is the right way to handle this?
Post # 3
I think it depends. I let my fiance choose whom he would like to invite from his side, and I chose those that I invited from my side. We essentially made the “rules” of who’s invited for our own sides separately. If I hadn’t wanted to invite certain cousins, that would not be dependent or affected by those that he invited.
However, if you think your mother would be offended, that is something to take into consideration. Is it something she would get over? Something other family members would get over? Is she funding any of the wedding?
Post # 4
No, my parents wouldn’t personally have a problem with it…but I mean if I invite my aunts and uncles, they may be offended that I didn’t invite my cousins if they come to the wedding and see that HIS cousins were invited.
I think it could add some tensions for my parents since they still deal with my extended family on occasion… but even my parents now live in a different state than all of my extended family, so I’m not sure them being ruffled about it would really effect anything.
Post # 5
anyone else have a similar situation? thoughts?
Post # 6
If you aren’t close with your extended family, I don’t think you need to invite them. People understand that every family is different.
Post # 7
Have you talked it over with your parents yet? They may have a good suggestion for you. Personally, I would rather use my budget on friends that I actually want to be there. If you did invite your cousins though, I would definitely NOT invite any plus 1’s. I haven’t included any plus 1’s for any of my cousins.
Post # 8
Every family is different. FI’s cousin is closer to him and around our age; my cousins are about 15 years older than me and not so close (I see them maybe once a year?). We invited FI’s cousin but not mine. I also knew that my cousins would not be able to travel to our destination wedding with their kids etc. though so it made it a bit easier. I think you should invite based on who you want there, not based on a family title!
Post # 9
Etiquette does not demand a blanket rule. as the hosts you get to set the guest list.
If anything I think it is more polite to invite guests that you have a strong relationship with, then to invite someone strictly because of some arbitrary “rule” Closeness is as valid of a rule as blood relationship.
Anyone who dares to question my guest list, is being very rude. you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone.
Post # 10
I have a similar issue – all of Mr CL’s cousins will be there because, like your FI’s family, they are all incredibly close. Mine are spread out across the country and a couple of them I just downright do not like (the last wedding we were at, one was incredibly unpleasant to my brother who was about 10 at the time). I think I’m going to invite the ones I really want to be there all day, and the others just to the evening do and tell them that numbers are the issue (which is 100% true). The other thing is all of their kids, but that’s a different issue altogether…