Post # 1
Here’s a little background. Both FI and I’s parents are divorced. Mine got divorced when I was young (6) and his got divorced when he was older (27). My mom got remarried and moved us to another city, so I’m not very close to my dad since I didn’t get to see him alot (maybe 1-2 a year). My step-dad, on the other hand, I’m very close with. I consider him to be my dad in many ways, he raised me from the age of 9-now.
I’m ordering my wedding invitations online and I recently got the proof for my text and sent it out to my parents and FILs to make sure everything was okay. I wen’t the traditional route, since I didn’t think it was appropriate to put my step dad’s name in lieu of my dad’s name – I think that would break my dad’s heart… Well, my mom expressed to be disapointment about not having my step dad’s name on the invitation, and I totally understand. I’ve thought of putting the three names but the problem is, my FILs are very traditional, and are not crazy about the idea.
Have any bees ever been in this situation? What did you do?
Here is a proof of the invitation;
PS : The part that’s blanked out reads:
Mrs. Mother of the bride & Mr. Father of the bride
Mrs. Mother of the groom & Mr. Father of the groom
Post # 3
Could you leave off the names entirely? So that it just reads “together with their parents “?
Post # 4
I don’t understand why people put their parents’ names on invitations at all, frankly. We’re not children anymore. Doesn’t that tradition stem from times when people got married at 15, and lived with their parents up until the point they got married? I have divorced parents and crazy step situations. I wouldn’t even want to begin to deal with that. You have every right to send the invitation just from you and your FI, and not mention the parents at all.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
“and” on an invitation means “who is married to” so by putting Mrs. Mother of the bride & Mr. Father of the bride, you implied that your mom and dad are married. What you need to do (and your mom is right) is:
- Mr. and Mrs. Mom and Step-Dad
- Mr. Your Dad
- Mrs./Ms. His Mom (and spouse?)
- Mr. His Dad
Each social unit goes on its own line.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Just use “Together with their parents” only. No names. I had the same issue since my parents and my ex-H’s parents were both divorced and remarried to other people. Nobody complained about the general line even though my dad paid for a majority of the wedding.
Post # 7
@imalittlebirdie: We wanted to do this at first, but his parents are very traditional and like to have their names included. Plus, his father is helping us pay for part of the wedding, so we’re kinda at his mercy.
@mrsSonthebeach: I thought that a sign of marriage would be “Mr & Mrs. dad” and by saying Mrs. mom+maiden name & Mr. dad that implied that they are not together. Anyways, that’s the way I have seen in done, but you may be right. Having them on seperate lines is a pretty good idea. The only problem is that then, we have to start including all the “spouses”, which we don’t feel close to AT ALL (his dad’s new wife and my dad’s gf) and then his mom has nobody so I know she’ll feel weird about that…..
It’s a really sticky situation…. because we are trying to please everyone, but I still want to honour my stepdad…
Post # 8
If this won’t work, go with the “Together with their parents” option.
Honestly, in this case I would explain to your inlaws that your step-father helped raise you and was a father figure. You have no desire to insult him by leaving him off the invitation. If they have an issue with that, say that you’re going to be using the “together with their parents” option.
@Tangled: I believe that the “tradition” is really about who is hosting (paying) for the wedding. If your parents are paying or contributing, then they are the hosts. Thus, they are the ones doing the actual inviting. If the bride and groom are hosting (paying), then their names would be on the invites alone. You may still see “daughter of” and “son of” after the B&G’s names because they wish to honour their parents with their names on the invite, but still want to make it clear who is hosting.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@Petite_Fraise: If you put, say Mrs./Ms. Annemarie Robert and Mr. Dennis David, that would mean that they are married but the woman didn’t change her name. Where you have chosen to put the parents on the invitation indicates that you are including their names to help identify yourselves to guests, not that those people are hosing, so you should include all the parents, regardless of how close you are to them (unless they’ve been ostracized from the family or something of course). Bride’s family comes first, and women and listed before men.
Post # 10
My FI and I are oaying for the entire wedding so we did not even include the “families” part.
If you parents are contributing, Iagree with PP who said to just say “along with their families” and leave out the names altogether. You can always add the names on the programs so people will recognize who is who…
Mother of the Bride: “Mrs. Smith escorted by her husband, Mr. Smith”
Mother of the Groom: “Mrs. Doe escorted by her husband, Mr. Doe”
Father of the Groom: “Mr. Jones”
Bride Escorted by her Father: “Mr. Peters”
Post # 11
Thanks bees! I will take this all into consideration…!
Post # 12
I have a step dad as well… and my hubby’s parent’s are divorced.. for our invitations we just put our names and then it said, “together with their parents” we left off all the extra names so that no ones feelings would be hurt! 🙂
Post # 13
@ArwenBride: yep… that’s right, the parent’s names go on there due to that they are usually the ones paying for it.. but now a days that’s not always the case! 🙂
Post # 14
@LovelyLaura: that’s a really good idea, I believe that’s what my friend did for her wedding! 🙂
Post # 15
According to Peggy Post and her book *Wedding Etiquette*
When both the Bride & Groom’s Parents have been divorced and have remarried, but all are participating in giving the Wedding and Hosting the Reception, it is not unusual for ALL the names to appear on the invitation. In this instance the Bride’s Mother and her Husband would appear first, the Bride’s Father and his Wife second, then the Groom’s Mother & her Husband, and lastly the Groom’s Father and his Wife.
Mr. and Ms. Michael Hannigan
Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Anvik
Dr. and Mrs. Russell Healy
Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Jacobs
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Lindsay Catherine Anvik
Andrew Lloyd Jacobs
Hope this helps,
Post # 16
I did together with their parents only because of this exact reason.