(Closed) Invitations to your sibling's wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would decline the (non) invitation. I’d be hurt if my FI’s family didn’t recognize our relationship and didn’t invite me to events and he still chose to go without me. I would tell your brother that you really want to bring him and if he can’t go, you’re going to have to decline. I’d be nice about it but very straightforward.

And when it’s your wedding time, you graciously invite your brother and his wife and show them what good manners are through example. 

Post # 4
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow.  I am sorry to hear about the family situation. 

They definitely are in the wrong for not inviting your boyfriend but if you are able to go I think you should (maybe you could just go to the ceremony and not to the reception). 

I do think it is weird that they aren’t giving you an invite.  Maybe they are doing it to save money but it definitely is not following etiquette.  If anything, family members (close ones) are more likely to treasure it as a keepsake I would think. 

If you are capable for your wedding financially, I wouldn’t try to get your brother back for this later on.  You would just be doing it out of spite.  It should be a happy day for you do what you are capable of and don’t try to be spiteful or hold grudges.  I truly think you will feel better down the road if you do the right thing. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t go. It would be different if you had just been dating this guy for a short time but 10 years. Come on now, that’s just rude of them. Your brother shouldn’t allow that if he feels differently.

Post # 6
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My brother and his wife did not send me an invite either.  To me it was not a big deal at all, I did not feel hurt or even think about it.  Their wedding was also small and not too formal.  I did ask him though if my boyfriend (now FI, similar case as yours) was invited and he said of course, it was rude to not invite someone’s partner.  I definitely believe that.  It doesn’t matter if you had been dating 10 years or 10 months, as a couple you deserve to be treated as a unit.

Post # 8
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@ssttpp:  agree, If FI’s family didnt see me as part of their family i would be very upset if he went. But i do think you should invite them both to yours.

i am a little confused you say BF but say your getting married?

Post # 9
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Whilei dont think it’s a big deal that they aren’t giving you a formal invite – as long as they aren’t for the rest of the immediate family – it’s totally rude not to invite your SO of ten years. I would tell them ow rude you think it is and that you are hurt by it, he’s your brother after all and one more head at the table will not break them. if they still say no I’m not sure what to do. You could not go, but be prepared to get a lot of flack for it and for your family most likely to have a very negative reaction.

Post # 11
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@LyndaButterfly:  seems like you have really put yourself out for your brother yet he cant even extend your (non) invitation to your BF of ten years. it seems off to me. Id maybe try to just talk to brother without SIL and see what he says?

Post # 12
Member
5429 posts
Bee Keeper

10 years? You’re basically married, and according to the law, you are “Common-Law” wife and husband! I would tell them that.

Post # 13
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I just wanted to say that this makes me really sad and I’m so sorry you’re going through this!  Your bro is definitely in the wrong, if anything, family members deserve invitations more than all the other guests because as a previous poster said, they’re keepsake items.  

Have you expressed any of these feelings to them?  I doubt they would understand, but maybe you would feel a little better?

Post # 16
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I honestly wouldn’t care if my brothers send me an invite in the mail or not. But that just me.

They completely wrong and they should extend you a plus one for your boyfriend/Fi if he hasn’t propsoed yet. After ten years your borther has to know him! And I think that qualifiys as a serious relationship. I also wouldn’t deal with the bride and speak to your brother about this.

Having said that some your comments are giving me pause. Indicating that you are losing your brother and ending your relationship over this isn’t worth it. I wouldn’t amp things up and turn this into a huge deal that is relationship ending.

If you feel strongly about your parnter being disrespected as he is, then tell your brother you wouldn’t feel right atteneding, or perhaps attending the ceremony andd leave after. Either way I wouldn’t close the line of communication or go in the frame of mind that you losing your brother and your relationship is ending. Good Luck

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