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Invitations-- What is "etiquittely correct"?

posted 1 year ago in Paper
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    1.
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    Helper bee
    LaviniaRose2013    April 27, 2013  

    So, we got a wedding invtiation from a friend of ours a couple weeks ago, and I was chatting with Mr. LR's college roommate's fiance (I hope that made sense) this past weekend about the upcoming wedding.  She told me it wasn't proper etiquirte to include the groom's parents anywhere on the invitation if they are not contributing to the wedding.  She said it's not fair to the bride's parents for the groom's family to get their names on two invitations.  She said the groom's parents tradtionally host and pay for the rehearsal dinner, with no mention of the bride's parents, and the bride's parents traditionally host and pay for the wedding.

    I've seen a lot of posts on here about being fair to parents on the invitations, and it's not really something I had thought about until the past week or so.  I personally think the best way to be fair to both sets of parents (if the groom's parents are only paying for the rehearsal dinner and the bride's parents are only paying for the wedding) to do like my friend said and then thank both sets of parents for all their love, support, etc. etc. mushy mush in the programs.  They both get their "moment" and equally all our love in the program.

    I was talking to Mr. LR about all this, and he was like "well why can't my parents be on the invitation?  That's such an antiquated and old fashioned rule, and it doesn't seem fair."  I responded with "Well, then your parents will need to split the wedding costs with my parents because MY parents, who will be footing the entire bill for our wedding, will take MAJOR offense to that." My parents are AMAZING, and I am so thankful they have always taken care of me and my brother.  They really give way more than they should, so please don't think I'm ungrateful or bratty.  They have always said they want to pay for my wedding, and I am definitely appreciative of this.  I think my parents deserve all the glory for hosting and paying for my wedding.  Not that Mr. LR's parents aren't just as great, but I fully believe my parents should get the credit for the wedding and they should get the credit for the rehearsal dinner.

    Well, here comes the tricky part.  My darling Mr. LR realized why the "rule" is there, and he now completely agrees.  To throw a wrench into making everything pretty black and white, Mr. LR says he's pretty sure he will be paying for our rehearsal dinner on his own.  This isn't something I necessarily believe his parents will actually let happen.  He's an only child, and they are just the sweetest people.  They give him all they can, and I am 99.999999% positive they will want to do something special for us because they are just so great.  However, if it were to happen, what would be the correct way to go about it?  Whether his parents decide to contribute to the RD or not is their perrogative, and we would be grateful for any help.  BUT, technically, Mr. LR would be hosting/paying the rehearsal dinner on his own, and he should get the credit for it.  I wouldn't want to upset my wonderful in-laws, and they will obviously be lovingly mentioned in the program, but I just don't think it is appropriate to have their name on the invitation as the "hosts" if they are not the ones paying for it or contributing any amount of money (obviously a different story if they contribute any money to the RD at all).  I think it would be a slap in the face to Mr. LR, who would be paying for all of it himself. 

    Now, this is just a hypothetical situation that will probably NOT happen.  Mr. LR was just being difficult, and I seriously can't imagine his parents will not want to host the RD.  However, I want to know what YOU think about this possible/not probable situation. 

    Also, what was your invitation experience?  Who did you list as the host?  Was there any drama?  What do YOU think is proper etiquitte?

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Cash000    December 2, 2011   Canada

    Honestly, I have no clue! Sorry. Every invite I have ever gotten just mentioned the bride and grooms names.

     
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    Bumble bee
    M.Ruder    July 2, 2011   Saint Louis

    Whoever is hosting should be listed as the host..

     
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    LaviniaRose2013    April 27, 2013  

    @Cash000:  I know!  I didn't realize until all my friends started getting engaged just HOW difficult wedding planning could be!  I didn't know I needed to grab an etiquette book to plan a wedding!  lol If eloping wouldn't cause so much drama and devastate my parents, I'd be ALL about it!

     
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    Bumble bee
    M.Ruder    July 2, 2011   Saint Louis

    Whoever is hosting should be listed as the host..

     
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    mrsmurraytobe    June 11, 2011   Atlanta

    My parents are paying for most of the wedding and are traditionally hosting the wedding. However, I really wanted to include my FI's parents on the invites so our wording listed my parents as the hosts (Mr. and Mrs. So and So request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter...) and then we listed my Fi's parents under his name (Lt. So and So, son of Mr. and Mrs. So and So).

    We are having a formal wedding and I went through a stationer to designer our invitations and they are sticklers for proper ettiquette and this is what they suggested to me. We didn't have any drama at all, in fact people that we told or showed the invites to (they haven't come in yet, still waiting!!) loved that we included his parents on the invite.

    I just felt like it's both of our special day and both of our parents shoud be included. We still wanted to keep with tradition and ettiquette and found the happy medium.

    I say go with what makes YOU happy and honestly, nobody will care as much about your invites as you do. Sadly, they get looked at a few times and more often than not, go in the trash. We love them and they are a reflection of you and what you love so do what you want :)

     
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    Busy bee
    PrairieGirl    August 26, 2011   Winnipeg, Canada

    @LaviniaRose2013:

    That's a tricky one. Will you be sending invitations for the Rehersal Dinner? If so - then you can indicate on that invite that the groom's parents are hosting.

    Also, you could maybe word it so that it appears that your parents are hosting, but you would also list the groom's parents? I found this online:

    Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Durand
    request the honour of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter
    Sophie Lynn
    to
    Jeffrey Matthew
    son of
    Mr. and Mrs. Michael Lautrec

    So it's clear that your parents are hosting, but also gives the names of FI's parents.

    We are hosting the wedding ourselves, but we are still listing the names of both our sets of parents.

     
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    Bumble bee
    M.Ruder    July 2, 2011   Saint Louis

    Ugh! triple posts.  Sorry!

     
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    PrairieGirl    August 26, 2011   Winnipeg, Canada

    @mrsmurraytobe:

    Oops - I didn't see your post & gave almost the same answer. Good advice! Smile

     
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    Busy bee
    mrsmurraytobe    June 11, 2011   Atlanta

    @PrairieGirl: No, you're good!! Yours is actually more visually appealing and easier to picture so really, good minds just think alike :)

    I really like this idea because it includes both parents without taking away from one set of parents being the traditional host.

     
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    Sugar bee
    Entangled    September 17, 2011   Carmel, CA

    EDIT - I wrote this whole long thing, but I like what others suggested. Assuming your parents actually do want to be listed as hosts - mine are helping contribute and they had a very strong preference NOT to get credit for hosting.

     
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    bells    June 26, 2011  

    Yeah i agree with @PrairieGirl: and put their names under your FI's names and put  "son of" Mr and Mrs Hisparentsnames.

     
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    Helper bee
    LaviniaRose2013    April 27, 2013  

    Yeah, I definitely agree.  I'm not opposed to listing Mr. LR, son of blah blah blah at all.  I am sure that will all depend on how my parents, who will be paying feel about listing them at all.  My parents aren't petty, so I can't foresee it being an issue, as long as my parents are the ones doing all the "honorable requesting" ;)

     

    @PrairieGirl: I'm sure there will be invitations for the RD, but if Mr. LR is paying for the RD all by himself, wouldn't he then be the host and not his parents?  That's what is so tricky to me!  I know technically they're supposed to host it, but darn it, if they're not paying or contributing at all, then who is the proper host?!  Sheesh!  haha

     
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    Honey bee
    LGenz    May 21, 2011   New Jersey, Wedding in Clearwater, FL

    @LaviniaRose2013: We're hosting our rehearsal dinner and figuring out wording for the invite was a pain

     
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    Bumble bee
    PuntaCanaBride    March 30, 2012  

    To be honest, I think only people who are in the wedding world even notice the invite. I never have noticed whose parents names are on an invite and have never equated that to who is paying. I now realize that it apparently is etiquette and tradition. But I bet a lot of people don't know these rules. So my advice is don't stress so much. If your parents are hosting then put their names on the invites and a shout out to grooms parents in the program. Thanks you and stuff shouldn't all be about money. There are other contributions and support people may offer.

     
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    Blushing bee
    pvaultingirl    June 2011   va

    seems like whoever pays gets the final say. But, it should be taken into consideration that it is both you and your fiances wedding and if the two of you decide you both want both sets of parents names, then I think you should just go ahead and put both on there.

     
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    Sugar bee
    linguo42    February 27, 2011   Vancouver, B.C.

    We did the same thing @mrsmurraytobe did, and honestly I've never seen an invitation that did not include both the bride's and the groom's parents' names in some fashion. For the groom's parents to be left off altogether...if I got an invitation like that I would probably think they were deceased or out of the picture somehow.

    We didn't even do rehearsal dinner invitations. None of us really saw the point.

     
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    daydreamwanderer       DC

    We just put "with their parents" and didn't list any names.

     
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    Busy bee
    lampshade127    March 27   Houston

    For our wedding invitations, we added "son of Mr. & Mrs. His Parents" under his name. I think it's nice to show that they exist, especially for guests that are their family/friends.

     

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