(Closed) Invitations: Where do you stand?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

1.  I sent my out of state nieces (17 & 20 at the time) the same invite as their parents (to ‘the family’) but I sent my cousin and his wife, their adult son (28), and the cousin’s MIL all separate invites (that was 3 to one address!).  They said it wasn’t necessary, but I wanted to give their son a +1, and I thought it was the proper way to do to it.

In your case, I would do 3 to the same address – one to your MOH, one to the parents, and another to the grandparents.

2.  I did a ‘and guest’ to couples not living together… but I didn’t have any members of one couple that we would have invited independent of each other.  In that case, I’d just send an invite to each (without a plus one).

The rule I’d use for your couples is this – IF they broke up, would you still invite both to the wedding?  I’m guessing that one person is primarily your friend – and that’s the one I’d invite (with a +1).  Don’t send another to their SO, if you wouldn’t want them there independent of their current relationship.

Post # 4
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

1.  I sent a separate invitation to anyone over 18 who still lived at home.  This only required 1 extra invitation for a cousin – NBD.

2.  We invited several couples that don’t live together.  In each case, we sent the invitation to our friend’s address, but included his/her SO on the address line.  It’s understood in our circle that if an invitation is sent to a couple that later breaks up, the “friend” retains the invitation while the (now) ex-SO does not. 

Post # 5
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

When sending invitations, it is appropriate for each “social unit” to recieve their own invitation at the address where they live.

This means in the case where you have multiple generations at one address each couple who lives there should be sent a separate invitataion: Grandparents get one invitation, Parents get a second invition, any adult children living there also get their own invitation.  The addressing gets pretty awkward when you try to send an invititatin to “Grandpa and Aunt Jones” – it looks like they are a couple, when they’re actually father and daughter.

Children under the age of 18, who live with their parents may be included on their parents’ invitation.  (I addressed our invitations to Mr. & Mrs Parents, and on the inside envelope wrote out the names of each invited guest: Mom & Dad, Junior)

Couples who do not live together should each be sent their own invitation.  Otherwise it seems like you’re just “tacking on” the guest who doesn’t live at the address to which the invitation is sent. 

If you don’t know the SO other well enough that they would recognize your name, or they would be confused as to why they are being invited to your wedding, you can send their invitation (still a separate invitation) to the guest who does know you, and have your friend deliver the invitiation to their SO.  (I did this with my brother’s girlfriend – she’s a very lovely girl, but as I’ve never met her in person, I sent her invitation to “SO, c/o Brother, at Brother’s address)

As a gracious hostess you ought to invite each of your guests by name – and make them all feel equally welcome, whether they’re invited because you love them dearly, or because they are dating someone you care about… If the couple breaks up prior to the wedding, then one would hope that the “date” would have the grace to decline the invtation, but if if he/she does not, you still need to be a good hostess and (pretend to) be happy to see them.

Naming each guest should actually help cut back on the number of “random +1” guests you get – since it’s pretty clear that Cousin Jess and her long-time boyfriend are invited, not Cousin Jess and some dude she met at a bar last week after breaking up with her boyfriend 2 weeks ago.

I followed the invitation etiquette – it has been around for quite some time, it exists for a reason, and it really helped make sure that I was clear about who was invited, but wasn’t rude while doing so.  – And (as a bonus) – FI and I have received several compliments about our invitations and the choices we made regarding the addressing and naming of guests.

Post # 7
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Many couples do send out just one invitation to couples – even if the pair don’t share an address.  Younger people aren’t as likely to be offended by this modern take as guests might once have been, but it is proper to send seperate invitations to separate homes. 

Be aware of the perception that the non-resident invitee is less important to you; if you have any traditional guests who might strictly adhere to etiquette in that type of situation, they may be inclined to think that you “couldn’t be bothered” to send each person an invitation.

Even when I know that I’m only getting invited because of my relationship with FI, it’s still nice to be named on the invitation (kudos for already planning to do this) and to receive an invtition that is actually directed to me, at my home.  This prevents me from feeling as if I’m an after-thought (or worse: a begrudgingly invited “mandatory, because we like the FI” guest).

Post # 8
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

1. Each couple or adult 18 or over does get their or his/her own invitation, so one to the parents, one to the grandparents, and one to the adult child at home.

2. Yes, each half of the dating pair not living together gets his/her own invitation at his/her own home. Since invitations go out like 8 weeks before the wedding, it’s unlikely an established couple will break up in the in-between time, but even if they do, the sting will be so fresh that I would highly doubt the secondary guest would even want to go.

Post # 9
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

1. I sent each guest over 18 their own invite.

1. I sent the only couple that does not live together one invitation. I invited my childhood friend and she is in a serious relationship. Unfortunately her boyfriend is overseas and may not make it back for the wedding. As she is travelling across the country for my wedding I told her his invite was transferrable if she’d like to bring a friend as a travel companion and she requested I just send it to her “and Guest.” I think that if he were here in the States I still would have sent it directly to her with both his and her names on the inner envelope.

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