Invite a friend, but not her boyfriend

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Maybe you should talk to Sheila and tell her all of this and how you feel?

Post # 4
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m glad to see that you acknowledge they are a social unit and can’t be separated. If you’re close to her and want her there, invite her. Honestly, for one night that’s all about you and your FI, its not going to matter.

Post # 5
41 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

You probably won’t see him at all that night if he does come.  Maybe make a stand at another time that isn’t so emotionally charged for your friend?

Post # 7
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@NauticalDisaster:  I have a ‘friend’ whose husband I 100% refuse to have at our wedding. Mainly because he actually physically injured me a few years ago during a sporting event (deliberately, not by accident) and a whole bunch of other reasons such as being arrogant, rude etc.  I have also felt less close to her over the last few years however she will definitely expect an invite. I attended their wedding about 18 months ago. I’ve just decided though that as I can’t have him there and I’m not too fussed about her attending that we will not be inviting them. It will create some awkwardness when I see them at occassional mutual friends events but not as awkward as it would make me feel to have someone like that there on our wedding day.

Post # 8
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NauticalDisaster:  I feel like the bigger issue is the friendship itself, and for that you’ve got to have a talk to Sheila. What has been her reaction when her bf has criticised you publicly?

My feeling (which could be wrong) is that her boyfriend doesn’t have anything against you, he’s just a bit of a tool and says things too bluntly, perhaps not even realising how offensive they are. I could be wrong. But in any case, you’ve got to talk to Sheila, because no true friend would allow you to be continually insulted.

Post # 9
230 posts
Helper bee

Is he still going to be around in 2015? Are you close to sending out the invitations yet?

If you can put this decision off I definitely would. A lot can happen in a year or two.

Post # 10
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ChelsBea:  +1


Also are you inviting all significant others?  If not, you have an out if they’re not engaged, married or living together.

Plus 2015 is still a year and a half away.  2 people won’t break the bank in the grand scheme of things.

Post # 11
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’re not getting married until 2015, I wouldn’t even be thinking about this yet. They could be broken up by then, they could be married by then — you can’t predict the future.

Post # 12
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree! If your wedding date is in 2015, you can always hope and pray he’ll go away before you send out invites in more than a year!

Post # 14
442 posts
Helper bee

@NauticalDisaster:  What about just talking with her about the specific comments? It’s not saying that you don’t like him or that he’s a bad person, but if you’re worried about him making comments at your wedding then I think it’s valid to mention that he’s said some hurtful things in the past and to ask her to talk to him about it. If a best friend thought my boyfriend said hurtful things to them, I would immediately act on it and be upset with him! That way, it’s nothing to do with their relationship or her decisions. 

Think about the consequences of that conversation vs not inviting her – which one would be worse for the friendship? If she’s going to get all upset about that then maybe it’s not worth it, but I personally would be much more upset if I wasn’t invited.

Post # 15
104 posts
Blushing bee

hey, it’s your wedding. if there was someone in my life that always put me down/tried to make me uncomfortable, it would kill me to have to invite them to my wedding (even if they’re not going to “cause any trouble”). it’s your day to celebrate, and the people that make you unhappy in life should not be there. it’s ridiculous that people are telling you that you have to invite him. I don’t think you should! you deserve to be happy on your day and be surrounded by positive energy and people who actually care.

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