Post # 1
I am looking for some invite advice from anyone out there!!!
The back story is as follows:
We are eloping to NYC from Ireland (just us two) to marry in August and are planning on having a party for all friends and family two weeks after we return. The party is a full sit down meal..music… everything you would expect from a traditional wedding celebration.
So far both sets of folks know our plans and are happy that we are having the after party so at least it feels like they get to celebrate our wedding with us..
The part we are finding tricky is the invite part. Nobody else knows about the upcomming “I do’s” so we were thinking of sending out “Save the Dates” for September 13th to friends and family – the logic being, people will think this is the day we will be wed.
While we are in NYC we will have someone back home to post the official invites on or around August 20th (we are Marrying on August 22nd). These invites will state that we have eloped and to please join us in celebrating our marriage on September 13th and include a RSVP postcard.
We return from NYC on Sept 1st so there is almost 2 full weeks to sort any last minute stuff for the party.
So, what I’m worried about is, does this seem like enough notice for people? Or does it seem a bit cruel telling people in this way? Is it acceptable/appropiate? What are your thoughts?
Post # 2
Hozzelbear: maybe on your save the dates you could word it as ‘wedding celebration’ instead of wording that might imply that they would be coming to see your vows . . .
Will many of your guests have to travel a long distance for the reception? i.e. plane tickets?
Post # 3
Don’t lie to your friends. I don’t care if it’s just for a short time, don’t lie to your friends. It’s not okay, under any circumstance.Invite them to your reception, but be clear it’s the reception and that you eloped. Deceit is not a good way to start a marriage.
Perhaps you could phrase it like, “On August 22nd, we brightened those bright lights of New York City with our love, and united in marriage. Please join us in celebrating our marriage at ….”
Post # 4
I don’t like the idea of making them think they’re going to a wedding then changing it up later on. For your STDs you could invite them to ‘join us to celebrate our love’ or something like that so it doesn’t indicate it’s a wedding. Then follow with the invites listing the true purpose. Although, I have to say that you will probably get questions from people about it either way so you may have to spill the beans.
Post # 5
I would be up front about it.
Post # 6
emstar168: no the longest distance would be 5 hours by car which would be most likely done the previous day
JiminyCricket: well we weren’t planning on telling any lies so I’m glad we both agree that lie telling is naughty and not to be done even for a short time!
Yes people are going to most likely think the “save the dates” are for THE wedding, this is part of the conundrum we are facing!! We are chosing to marry abroad and just us two for personal reasons and its what is a good fit for us.
So how can we get our friends and family to keep September 13th free without them thinking its for a wedding day including vow exchange?
Also, what I was simply asking, does 3.5 weeks seem like enough notice for people for formal invites and if it people think its okay to let folks know we have eloped via the invite!
Post # 7
Ah, okay – your original post made it sound like you weren’t going to tell them until they got the invitations that you were eloping. To me, lying by omission (by sending save the dates without saying you’re eloping) is still lying. SO, I would send Save the Date’s for a wedding reception, and still indicate in some cutesy way that you’re already going to be married by that point. MissLibra’s invitation that she posted above works well.
Generally for formal events, you give 6-8 weeks to send invitations and get responses. If you have a caterer for your event, you’ll have to find out how far in advance they need the final number. Most require 10-14 days, and you’d want your final tally before that so you can track down non-responders.
I wouldn’t let the first time you told someone you eloped be on the invitation to your reception. Just don’t keep it a secret. I think it looks gift grabby – almost like you’re saying, “Hey, I told you to save the date for my wedding, but I eloped, but come to my party anyway!” It just seems rude to me.
Post # 8
Meh, I don’t know how this is normally done but do you really need save the dates? Why not just send invitations?
I would be thoroughly confused if I was invited to a wedding reception and not ceremony if I didn’t know you eloped. Since no one has to arrange crazy travel arrangements (ie getting in a plane) I think it’s fine to just send invitations a few weeks early. If you don’t want to tell anyone you’re eloping and you want them to have more than 2 weeks notice, you should push back your party and have your friend mail the invites the day you get married.
Post # 9
BluebonnetBride: Thanks! Yea I thought the same about the STD’s – nobody else we know or in our parish has used STD’s but it was the only way we could think of to get people to get people to be free on the September date.
Post # 10
MissLibra: +1. Any information you send out (including save the dates) should be clear that your marriage ceremony won’t be happening on the date of the reception. If you don’t say that clearly like in the save the dates that the PP posted, it’ll be misleading (because “save the dates” are typically only for marriage ceremonies and receptions unless otherwise specified) and ppl will think you lied to them.
Post # 11
Hozzelbear: I think you’re misunderstanding. STD’s make a lot of sense for weddings because you need to “save the date” far in advance for travel, etc.
For the reception party post elopement that you’re planning, I don’t think people need to know that far ahead of time given that no one is traveling that far and you don’t want to tell them that you’re eloping. So the only thing that makes sense to me is to not do STD’s and just send invitations as soon as you elope for your party. You can’t advertise the party without specifying the reason for the party, you know?
If you’re worried about people not having enough notice, either let them know you’re eloping ahead of time or push back your party so there is more time between the elopement and your reception.
Post # 12
Honestly, I think it may be a bit questionable unless you tell people your plans. We are eloping, but it’s not going to be a secret, so that we can avoid this exact conundrum! Three months before the wedding (when I would normally send invitations), I plan to send a “forget the date! We’re eloping!” announcement with an invitation to the small reception afterwards. If you want it to be a secret, I think you may just need to give them the 3.5 week’s notice, follow up by phone to try and get an RSVP (people will probably not send them back quickly enough for that time frame), and accept that some guests may have already made a prior commitment
Post # 13
One of my friends is also facing the same problem and she has discussed her problem about how to design and what to write in a card to an online wedding card shop-a2zweddingcards They have designed the card and address the situation to their guest in a great way. Now she has her reception on 2 sept.