Post # 1
I’m 38 and getting married for the first time. I am having a very small destination wedding and not having any attendants including no Maid/Matron of Honor.
My Mom offered a shower but we already have most of the things people register for and could barely scrape up enough ideas for a wedding registry (really we don’t even have enough ideas for that) so I declined.
My friend offered to throw me a bachelorette party (coordinate a night out-that is not a gifting party and will not cost her anything but time). She is very in the know on social graces and party planning and has frowned upon my guest list that includes girlfriends that couldn’t be included on the wedding invite list because of the size limit. I think these girls would really enjoy time with myself and the other girls in celebration of my upcoming wedding and would not feel like it was “rude” to get an invite to the party with a wedding invite. So many people know that weddings can’t include everyone, and if it was a shower of gifts i’d understand but its Girls Night, can’t we bend the rules?
Post # 3
If it is clearly a wedding-related event, such as a shower, engagement party, or bachelorette party, I think the guest list should not include anyone who also will not be invited to the wedding.
If, however, you just want to get a group of your friends together for a casual girls’ night out for dinner one evening and not have this event directly be tied to the fact that you’re getting married, I think that would be fine.
Post # 4
I think people are focusing on the wrong thing if they get upset that they are invited to a bachlorette party but not the wedding. People often argue that they feel like they’re not important enough to be invited to the wedding and that it’s rubbing it in their face but I feel that they should feel appreciated that they their presence is wanted at all. Isn’t it better to be invited to 1 event than no events at all? I would also feel that any friend who I would want to spend time with would know me better than to think that I’m inviting them for a gift especially because I feel that gifts are optional to bachlorette parties.
If somebody gets upset that they’re invited to the bachlorette but not the wedding, they would be upset that they weren’t invited to the wedding in the first place no matter what you did. I’m sure they all already know you’re getting married. It’s not like they wouldn’t have known if you didn’t invite them to the bachlorette.
Post # 5
Your friend is right. It is rude to invite people to pre-wedding parties while excluding them from the main event. This is especially true for showers (which by definition are about getting gifts), but also applies to bachelorette parties, engagement parties, etc.
Post # 6
I may also be breaking the all bachelorette atendees must be invited to the wedding rule. If you know that you can’t invite EVERYONE you know to the wedding, why not have an appropriate celebration with people you want to celebrate with?
I go to dance classes with a bunch of women who are awesome to party with, but since I can’t afford to invite everyone to the wedding, I can’t invite any of them. Why not a no gift, no obligation get together to celebrate (and in my case, play bingo with drag queens)?
By the way, I also wear white after labor day and speak before I’m spoken to.
Post # 7
I’m inviting about 7 girls to stagette not invited to the wedding. All of them know they aren’t invited and all of them still wanted to come to the stagette. Since we’re all on the same page I think it’s OK.
Post # 8
If your party is wedding related then the people coming have to be invited to the wedding. If you want to have a fun party with your girlfriends, have a party but do not make it wedding related. Its like inviting somebody to the ceremony and not the reception, its rude and unnessisary
Post # 9
I went to someones shower and was not invited to the wedding. She was a friend from work and was having a destination wedding so I was not offended at all.
Post # 10
To be honest someone invited me to their bachelorette party once, and I was not invited to the wedding. I did not go. My train of thought was “I am cool enough to party with, but not good enough to go to your wedding?” I was really offended. Maybe I shoudn’t of been, but I was.
Post # 11
I think since it’s a Destination Wedding, people would understand. One of my friends is having a Destination Wedding, immediate family only plus her very, very closest friends (I’m not invited). If there is a bachelorette party, you bet I wanna go! I think the “night out” plan without gifts is fine.
Post # 12
Since this might come across as rude, I would try to talk to these ladies in person before inviting them so you can explain why they weren’t invited to the ceremony. As long as you take measures to ensure these friends aren’t getting their feelings hurt, I don’t see harm in inviting more people to your outing.
Perhaps call it something else though, like a girls night out, and your Maid/Matron of Honor will ensure you are treated like the bachelorette. You can then have a conversation all together while you are enjoying yourselves why you couldn’t invite all your acquantances to the wedding.
Post # 13
I know that some others find this wrong but I don’t. I have willingly gone to bachelorette parties for people whose wedding I was not invited to. I understand that sometimes the bride can’t invite everyone to the wedding that they would like to and I still want to celebrate with them. There were several (maybe 10) people who came to my bachelorette party who were not invited to my wedding. My Maid/Matron of Honor put out an open invitation to friends (not an official invite) and they chose to come for a great night out. I see nothing wrong with it.
As for showers and engagement parties…I can see the difference because they are more about gift giving. That said…a bunch of girls at work who were not invited to my wedding had a shower for me. It was a really nice surprise and very thoughtful of them. They were just happy for me and understood that I didn’t have the ability to invite every single person I know to my wedding.
Post # 14
I don’t think you should invite them. Bachelorette parties are typically expensive and people are bound to be put out if they are invited to come, but not celebrate at the wedding.
Post # 15
Super rude. If I got invited to the bachelorette, I better be invited to the wedding. I’m important enough to buy the bride shots but not important enough to get invited to the wedding?
It’s one thing if a guest can’t come to the desination wedding and they can come to the bachelorette. It’s quite another if you exclude them from the wedding invitations.
Post # 16
The bachelorette is over and so is the wedding, I personally ended up inviting the girlfriends to the bachelorette who didn’t expect to be invited to the wedding, explaining that I would love to celebrate with them, we weren’t doing gifts AND I bought their shots. Fun was had by all and they were happy to be included. Rude or not everyone was so happy to celebrate with me and now a days everyone understand the limits on wedding invitations…
My thoughts post wedding are the RULES should be thrown out the window because if additional joy can be added it should be!