Post # 1
I need some help here since I was not born in the US and do not really know about the US wedding etiquette…
I just changed my job last March, so I only know the co-workers in the new company for less than a year. I have not told anyone I am engaged b/c I feel it is personal and I don’t really know them.
Here are some of my concerns-
1. My wedding is in June and I am going to send out invitation in March/April…I don’t know when/how to tell my boss and co-workers that I am going to take some days off for my wedding & possible honeymoon. Should I invite them? If I tell them w/o invitations, that will be so rude…(I think). But the thing is we don’t really know each other…if they do show up that will be very awkward too, since I am having a Chinese wedding and the food is not really americanized. Most people will speak in Mandrain and I feel bad if co-workers don’t understand…
2. I still keep in touch with some co-workers from my previous job. Should I invite them? I know I am going to invite some for sure, but I am afraid if I left out some other people, they will be upset. My job is in a specialized industry so I don’t really want to ruin my network…
3. How do you guys decide who to invite/not to invite when it comes to co-workers? How comfortable do you guys feel when sending invitation to boss/co-workers? Will they actually show up?
Thanks everyone! I just came to the US since 2001 so I don’t know how to handle this type of situation…
Post # 3
I don’t think you need to tell your co-workers about taking time off, just your boss, so if you don’t want to tell them about your wedding I don’t think you have to. I also don’t think you need to invite your boss to your wedding. My SO is a boss and I don’t think he’d expect to be invited to an employee’s wedding.
You’re not expected to invite anyone to your wedding just because you told them you’re getting married.
Post # 4
@LittleBruin:I have a couple of peers that I will invite but I am not inviting my boss.
Post # 5
You do not need to invite coworkers in the situation you described. I would if you knew them for a long time and socialized outside of work but not in this case. As far as the former coworkers, I wouldnt invite the ones you don’t keep in touch with just to possibly avoid hurting their feelings.
Post # 6
A good rule of thumb is to only invite people from work that you hang out with outside of the office.
Post # 7
So what am I going to say to my boss?
“Hi boss, I am getting married and want to take x/x/2011- x/x/2011 off. Please approve.”
Post # 9
Personally, I think its weird when people don’t share any personal information with coworkers. Not that we need to know every private detail, but something as big as getting married is just strange to find out about after the fact.
I had a boss at my last job who I knew for a few years. I liked her, but she was kind of tight lipped about her personal life, which was fine. But when she came back from vacation married one day, I actually felt slightly offended. That was such a big event in her life, she was engaged for about 6 months in secret planning a wedding, I felt a little betrayed and things were definitely awkward for her at work after that.
Weddings are personal, so anyone you actually consider a friend should get an invite. I invited my two bosses to be nice and they both declined, but it would have been fine if they came. If you aren’t inviting everyone in a large network, just ask those who get an invite to be quiet about it.
Post # 10
That’s what I thought too. I think they will be offended if I just tell them I am getting married without inviting them.
I am the youngest in my department and they all treat me well. I am their daughter’s age, so yeah… (They are in their forties and I am in my twenties…)
Maybe I should still send out the invitation to my boss and two of my co-workers (I work directly with them)?
Post # 11
Everyone I work with knows I’m getting married — I’m wearing an engagement ring, hellooo! But I’m not close with them. I don’t socialize with them after work or anything like that so I will not be inviting them to the wedding.
It’s okay to tell them that you are getting married, but you are not obligated to invite them.
Post # 12
I think you are overthinking this a bit. Next chance you get tell your boss and request the time off. Then casually tell your coworkers when you get a chance. Don’t feel the need to invite them. You say you think it would be rude to tell them your getting married and not invite them? That’s not true. It’s very common to be friendly with your coworkers and not be invited to their wedding, even if they know about the wedding. I think it’d be ruder to get married and then have them find out – they’d feel as if you don’t want them involved at all in your life.
Post # 13
In our office (its a small office a total of 10 people work here) we all talk to each other they all they know i’m getting married but only 1 is invited and they all know it as well
Post # 14
In no way, shape or form would I invite my coworkers! lol Obviously I will tell them I’m planning a wedding, but doubt that they’ll be offended by not being invited.
If they ask, say it’s family only!
Post # 15
Hi Little Bruin! Here’s the process I went through/would go through in your situation.
1. I think you should book time off with your boss a few months before you need it, but you don’t need to tell your co-workers. You don’t need to invite your boss or your co-workers, since you’re not close to them. IF you do later on decide to invite co-workers on your immediate team, though, I think you should probably invite your boss too.
2. Who are the people you’re thinking of leaving out? Are they part of the main social “group” that you’re inviting? If not, it’s ok to not invite them, especially since you’re not in that office anymore, and your wedding plans aren’t going to be advertised right in front of them. If they ARE from the same group, though, I’d give it more thought. How many extra people would it be? If just 1 or 2, I would invite them.
3. I hang out with people from work regularly outside of work. Some are people from my immediate team, so I decided to go ahead and invite everyone from my immediate team, as well as my boss. I’m also inviting my old boss, because he’s really awesome and would be fun to have at my wedding! There are a few people who I am not that close to, but they are in the same social circle as others who I’m inviting. There are only a couple of them, so I’m inviting them. There are a few co-workers who are not invited, but they are from other social groups that I’m not that close to. My co-workers are NOT getting a +1 unless they are married. The exception is 1 co-worker where my FI and I are quite close friends with the couple.
Post # 16
Thank you guys so much!!
When is the best time to let the boss know?
The sooner the better?
Wedding date is set and I have already booked the venue…