Post # 1
I am getting ready to send out my Save the Dates (about 9 months early b/c it is a holiday wedding) and I’m not sure what I am supposed to do about inviting people in my office. I work with a really close knit group of people, but of course I am closer to some than others. I am asking 2 coworkers to actually be in my wedding. However, I am getting married halfway across the country. It is highly unlikely than anyone will be able to attend – except for my 2 really good cowrokers/friends.
I recently switched bosses and teams. Should I invite both of the bosses and teams? Do I only invite my first team since I have known them for about 2 years now? Of course, I also have bosses above these people whom I know pretty well too. We’re the kind of office that regurly goes to Happy Hour togther.
Really torn. Don’t want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings, but at the same time, I don’t want to spend lots of extra money on invitess. Also, if I know they really won’t come, will they feel like I’m just fishing for a gift???
Post # 3
I’m struggling with the same thing, although I’m getting married locally, so I’m simply not sending coworkers save the dates (which gives me a little extra time to make the decisions). My theory (at least so far) is to invite the 2 people in my department, and the people that I like and I have seen outside of work at least once.
I hope that helps. Good luck!
Post # 4
I think everyone will understand that you dont have an unlimited budget and cannot invite everyone. Invite the people you actually want at the wedding. Dont feel pressured to invite the entire office.
Post # 5
I’m not sure what etiquette says in this case, but in my opinion, I would not invite my coworkers simply to be polite. In fact, for my wedding, I didn’t invite any of my coworkers even though we talked about my wedding all the time. They understood that my budget limited my guest count, and that the wedding was really just for my close friends and family. No one was hurt or insulted that they weren’t invited, and I gave them each a favor and a wedding announcement just to say thanks for their support during my wedding planning.
Invite those coworkers you only want to actually be at your wedding. My friend is getting married in june and she invited everyone at her office even though she only wanted two of them at her wedding. Now she is regretting the decision since she doesn’t get along with many of the people she works with. And if you don’t invite all your coworkers, but they know about your wedding, they will ask you about your registries if they still want to get you a gift.
Post # 6
oh this is a toughie!
I know for myself, since we got married 5 hours away from where I work- i too thought it would be to far for them to travel too. and while i like my co-workers and we have a wonderful time together at work…I just wanted to keep them (or work life) separate from my friends and family.
Post # 7
gracez, since you said you are pretty close to your group, you might want to consider inviting all of them, particularly since it is unlikely most will go. Why worry too much about it? If you are really so close to them that they would go acroos country to go, then they are probably close enough to you to invite, anyway. As for bosses, that’s a tough one. I would say maybe invite both bosses. THe one you are closer to, is probably as likley to go as the other coworker, which I wouldn’t think would be likely. the new boss even less so. Their supervisors, I wouldn’t bother inviting.
Also, coworker situations can be tricky. You don’t want to create an atmoshpere in which there is resentment, in which some people are invited, and others not. While I can understand not being able to invite people for monetary reason, in your case, I think it would be OK to invite the group, simply because they are highly unlikely to go. And no one gets hurt feelings.
One caveat, you didn’t mention how many people you’re talking. If it’s a lot of people, don’t feel the need to invite the entire group. If it’s less than 10 ppl, go for it. If more like 15-20+, that might be too many.
Post # 8
One thing to consider, and this will definitely vary by workplace, but if you know that someone is extremely unlikely to attend then you want to make sure that they don’t feel obligated to send a gift (or that you’re fishing for one). There are a few people for whom I’m sure the distance would be too great, but I’d like them to know that they are important to me. But I have a feeling that if I send a card they might feel obligated to at least send me a gift. So I don’t think you shouldn’t necessarily invite them, but it’s worth considering how they will receive the invitation.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the advice everyone!
@Tanya123: I would be inviting about 10 people. So you’re right the extra cost of 10 invitations is really nothing in the larger scheme of things, considering that this will very likely be the extent of costs to me. Plus, no one will get their feeling hurt or feel left out.
@fizicsgirl: This is the real issue holding me back! I do not want anyone to feel obligated to buy me something just b/c I invite them! Of the ten I am strongly considering inviting, I would love it if they really could come out! They’d definitely add to the fun of the day! But I don’t want them to think "Geez, why is she inviting me to a wedding during the holidays half way across the country? For a gift?" Does anyone know a tactful way to express this to them?
Thanks again ladies!
Post # 10
According to ettiquitte, (can’t spell) you should invite them, even if you know they won’t come.
I work in a small office, with 4 full time people (me being one of them) so I am just inviting everyone. I say, if your budget allows, just invite everyone and call it a day!
Post # 11
Actually, there is no rule of etiquette that would have you invite your coworkers or your supervisors to your wedding. Your wedding is a personal celebration, not a business function. You should invite those people to whom you are sufficiently close that you want them to share in the joy of your wedding. Maybe that does include all your coworkers, but for many people it probably doesn’t.
A good rule of thumb is to invite those people from work with whom you actually do non-work-related things. That doesn’t mean everybody who goes out for lunch together, or out for a beer after work – it does mean those people that invite you for dinner at their house, or with whom you get together on the weekends. If you ask yourself which of these people you would still be seeing on a regular basis a year from now if either you or they were laid off tomorrow, it’s pretty easy to figure out the difference between your friends and your coworkers.
And if the subject comes up, you can quite reasonably say that while you would love to be able to invite everyone, you have space and budget limitations, so you’re only able to invite family and close friends. Trust me, your coworkers already know whether they are close friends or not.
Another thing to consider, if you’re on the fence about this part of the guest list, is that not everybody needs at STD. The purpose of that piece of stationery is to give people whom you especially want to be present the advance notice that they need to get you on their calendar and make travel arrangements. People who are are wondering whether or not to invite probably don’t fall into that category. You can safety not send an STD, and decide at a later date whether to send an invitation. There have been more than a couple of posts from brides who sent STDs to everyone in their office, and were laid off a month later, and then really didn’t want to send invitations to most of their former coworkers. If you sent an STD you’re sort of stuck. Which is why, to circle back around, it’s a good idea to make sure that you’re inviting these people because they are really your friends.
Post # 12
Mr. Sonipapdi and I both met at work so there are many people that know we are getting married. Mr. Sonipapdi also has been working there for over 10 years so there are lots of people he is inviting. However, I’m only inviting those who I really talk more on friends terms outside of work and not just because I want to be polite. I feel people would know why they didn’t make the list, since they aren’t that close and should not be offended.
That being said Mr. Sonipapdi had started off inviting all the people he had worked with and once the prices of the food and all started to add up, he’s been meticulously cutting the list. Luckily we didn’t do save the dates so it wasn’t too hard for us to trim the list.
Post # 13
I know how you feel! My situation was actually a little worse. I decided the easiest way to go about inviting coworkers was to only invite those in my department.
About a week after the invites went out, my job moved to a different department (and a seperate end of the building)! So that blew that plan up in my face. In retrospect, I wish I had not invited anyone from work. It would have scaled down the guest list, which is always a plus.