Post # 1
So I’m in the prelimary stages of wedding planning and I’m figuring out who we will be inviting. We are definitely on a budget so we simply cannot invite everyone we would like to.
Family-wise, it’s pretty straightforward for us, but as far as friends/acquaintances go, we’re a little fuzzy. We have had a wonderful college experience at the same undergrad, both as transfers, and have met many spectacular people whom we would love to invite. Generally, we’ve been limiting it to close friends, but I have a specific person I’m not sure how to address.
Basically, if you were invited to and attended someone’s wedding, are you obligated to invite them to your wedding, assuming there is still a good relationship? We aren’t particularly close to this couple but they are absolutely fabulous people. However, we do have the draw the line somewhere because our guest list keeps expanding and we just simply can’t afford it.
What are your takes on the situation?
Post # 3
@hyperJulie: You are not obligated to invite anyone. It doesn’t matter if you went to their wedding or not. If you haven’t seen them in the last 90 days and don’t have plans to see them in the next 90, then it’s not a big deal to leave them off, even if they are fabulous.
Post # 4
@hyperJulie: If you were just a guest at a reasonable (75+?) sized wedding, I would not worry about having to invite them. If you were a bridesmaid/MOH I would work really hard to include them. If you went to a very small wedding, I would try to include them. Basically if you think this person thinks you are a very very close friend, they should probably be invited if you have room. But all that being said, there is only so much money in your budget, so if you can’t invite them, you just can’t. I would casually make comments about it being a small/just family wedding or limited budget ect. and work really hard not to discuss/obessess the wedding with people who are not close enough to be invited.
Post # 5
You have no obligation at all. There were some people on our original guest list when we first got engaged (January 2011), but, by the time save-the-dates were due out, I hadn’t spoken to several of those people in months and months (since I had graduated from nursing school) and we opted to take them off the list. I would do the same if I had been invited to any of their weddings!
Post # 6
No one is ever required to be invited. If so I’d have invited Brad Pitt to my wedding, so they would have to invite me to theirs when the time comes.
Etiquette does not require anyone to be invited (can we get this on a sticky at the top)
Post # 7
@hyperJulie: Yes, when someone entertains you, you should reciprocate. No, you don’t need to reciprocate by inviting them to your wedding. That should be obvious, since you don’t get married often enough to fill all your reciprocal obligations that way.
Actually, a simple “thank-you” will actually suffice: if you sent a note to your hostess the morning after the wedding thanking her for her hospitality, your social obligations are in balance. You really ought to return the hospitality by inviting your earstwhile hosts to dinner either in your home or at a restaurant, but if you get hit by a bus before you get around to that, you won’t end up in some etiquette purgatory. Just try to get it done in the same season.
Post # 8
I’ve been running into this problem as well. I’ve asked my mum about it – as she knows EVERYTHING!! We’re trying to only have about 60 people at ours due to the venue size and am just being point blank, “We’d love to invite you, but we have to keep numbers down. I have a massive family as it is and most of them aren’t even getting invites.” It’s honest and straight forward and that’s all people ever expect from me. You can always have people over for a party afterwards if you want, a sort of post wedding celebration.