Post # 1
I didn’t know if I should post this here or the LGBTQ board, so here goes.. but it has to do with a decision to invite someone to our same-sex wedding out of state.
My aunt and uncle are LDS (mormon). This is my mom’s brother and his wife. It’s a known fact that they are opposed to our relationship and any relationship like ours, but they are not rude or snide about it, and they are kind to my FI.
Interestingly enough they are much more kind than my ultra-liberal mother who still can’t get over me coming out. So, yeah.
The thing is, I know they are strongly against same-sex marriage. My aunt’s daughter from her 1st marriage is gay, lived with a woman for years and had 2 children with her and it was always made clear that they were highly upset by this, but they still had a relationship with her and the kids and all, but there was always talk about it (in the negative).
Anyway, I’m going on and on… to get to my point: is it still a good idea to invite them, knowing they will probably not come, but do so just because they are my family and have been decent to me and FI? Is there any way an invitation could be offensive? I don’t imagine them confronting or lecturing me or anything like that.
Post # 3
I think you should invite them. They will have the opportunity to RSVP with a yes or a no. I don’t see how you inviting them could be considered offensive in any way. I think not inviting them would be more offensive.
Post # 4
I think that you ought to send out an invitation to them, not only because it would be somewhat kind but basically put the ball in their court. If they don’t want to come, well, their lost, if they do come it shows that they are supported your marriage. However, if they are vocal in their disapproval I don’t think you should stand for that.
Post # 5
They have not been vocal in disapproving and FI and I have been together for 7 years. I just don’t want any “bad mojo” at our wedding, if that makes sense. I would hope they’d only come if they truly wished us well which would mean they’d bring good vibes anyway, right?
One reason I really don’t want to invite my MOTHER, for examples, is because she would probaby come out of a sense of obligation but bringing all her nasty attitude along for the ride. That’s what I DO not want… but since they’ve been kind up to this point, no reason to suspect otherwise.
I do think I will send an invite. OUr youngest already announced to my aunt that “my moms are getting married” so it won’t be a big shocker. I just wasn’t around to see what, if anything, was their reaction.
Post # 6
I would send them an invite! If they come then it’s for the love and support they have for you and your FI and that shouldn’t have anything to do with their religion it has to do with the love they have for their family. Think of it on the flip side, one of brothers use to date same sex and was openly gay, now for the past 3 or 4 years he has been dating a lovely girl and they are getting married next summer. My brother is having the most openly anti-gay catholic bishop marrying him and this girl, and he sent an invite to my uncles who have been together for the past twenty years, and who were the first people my brother openly came out to. Now they are not happy about who is marrying him and so on and so on but they are going because they love him, and they want to support whatever makes him happy. I think i’m more pissed about my brother having Bishop Malone marry him them they are!
Post # 7
I agree – send an invite. They are your family and even though there are many people in the world that do not agree with same-sex marriage, I think you should give them the opportunity to support YOU on your day. They can decline if that is their wish, but I think it would be rude to not even allow them that choice. Since they have been kind and welcoming of you and your FI, even with their beliefs, they may surprise you and be there regardless! Good luck 🙂
Post # 8
My coworker invited a few family members who weren’t particularly supportive but said she was pleasantly surprised. They ended up helping out a lot she said to get their backyard wedding looking good and she felt like they were closer after the wedding than before. If they were people who’d make a lot of noise about their dissaproval I’d advise against it but for people who can keep their thoughts to themselves I think them seeing a beautiful wedding and love might be a great thing for them to witness to better understand why it is you want to be married.
Post # 9
Send the invite and let them choose to attend or not. They may feel caught between their love for you and their dedication to their religion. They too are supporting something which is a big part of their life and a huge section of their beliefs. While they may not approve of your actions per se, they can still love you and want to be part of your big day. Besides, they have a past track record of being very kind/polite so I doubt they would come to your wedding a be total jerks.
Post # 10
My partner and I are in the same boat. I have relatives, who even though they haven’t said anything, are opposed to same sex marriage. I’m inviting them anyway, and they can decide for themselves.
Post # 11
I would invite them as long as they remain how you have described – they are kind to everyone involved, and don’t make snide comments or try to bring their personal politics into YOUR life.
I know how hard it is to deal with family greatly disapproving of something so integral to your life. My fiance and I are atheists in a family of very religious Lutherans – two of whom are pastors – and it’s sad to have to think about family seeing you as immoral or “sinners.” It’s heartbreaking sometimes, but don’t let it ruin your beautiful day!
Post # 12
I agree that you should send an invite, and I would maybe include a note as well. It sounds like you have a relatively friendly, if not close, relationship with these people, so if you want things to continue on in that way you may want to send a sort of vague note saying “we understand if you can’t make it, and hopefully we’ll see you at Christmas either way” or something. Of course, that’s only if you are comfortable maintaining the same sort of relationship you have with them now in the future. It is completely understandable if you want to begin to distance yourselves from them. If that’s the case the I would sent the invite with no note.
Post # 13
Since they have been kind and not vocal about their opposition, I would go ahead and invite them and let them decide what they are comfortable with. If they had been nasty or disapproving, I would say forget it, but it sounds like they care for you and are happy that you’re happy.
As an aside, I have two best friends who couldn’t be more different, yet are great friends. One is a married evangelical Christian and the other is a non-religious lesbian. Despite the fact that their value/belief system is very different, they respect one another as people. They each take the attitude that the way they are living their lives is what is right for them, but that they wouldn’t want to tell anyone else how to live. Despite not believing in gay marriage generally, my evangelical friend was thrilled for my other friend when she found a loving partner. So I do think it is possible for your family to be happy for you and your FI even if their beliefs are fundamentally different.
Post # 14
You should absolutely invite them. It would be a different story completely if they were hostile and rude towards you and your FI because of your relationship. But because they are kind to you regardless of their beliefs, you should definitely invite them. They may choose not to attend because it may feel to them as though they are turning their backs on their own faith, but you should give them the choice. Just don’t be upset when/if they don’t attend (which it doesn’t sound like you will be).
Post # 15
Invite them. Let them have the option of coming to support you or not.
Post # 16
I would invite them. It’s their decision to make. Hopefully they will come and not make the mistake of declining the invite. I think that it would be wonderful if they could come and witness your special day with your partner. I would hope that it might soften their opinions.