(Closed) Invite list questions- relatives you have never met

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: To invite or to not to invite...
    Invite : (14 votes)
    70 %
    Don't invite : (6 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    18645 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would send them an invite if your grandmother wants you to.  My husband’s grandma had a few people that she wanted us to invite (even though she was pretty sure that they wouldn’t attend).  I would just do it (she probably talks to them to let them know that it is coming.

    By The Way, none of the people that she had us invite came to our wedding.

    Post # 4
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We went ahead and agreed to invite some of FFIL’s cousins that we’ve never met. I think it is a matter of your budget,  your comfort level, and how much your grandma wants them there.

    Post # 5
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would send an invite.  The older folks are very unlikely to attend, but love getting mail.  My Future Mother-In-Law suggested that I include a photo of us too.  We invited a ton of 90+ year old people (there are more invites to the 90+ group than to the 20-30 group).

    Post # 6
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Ooh. Tough one. Can you afford to invite them, and do you want to?

    If so, then send the invite and no, you don’t have to put anything else in there. They should know by the name who you are.
    If not, I’d say talk to your Nana and explain the budget and space restriction and see what she says.

    Post # 7
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Just do it, if anything, just to make your Grandma happy.  Is there a chance that they won’t come?  I have at least a handfull of guests who are 90+ on our list that I’ve never met who I am sending invites to but I know they won’t come because they aren’t local. 

    Post # 8
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t know what you’re supposed to do.  But I wouldn’t invite them.  First of all, if you don’t know them and they don’t know you, there doesn’t seem to be a point.  Your gram might end up being too busy with other family to even entertain them.  And, they may not have a lot of income so I wouldn’t even want them to feel obligated to bring/send a gift.  But, if you talk to your Nana and she’s unhappy with it, I’d probably just do it! 

    Post # 9
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    If it’s not too many people I say go ahead and do it for your Nana’s happiness. I doubt someone who is 90 years  old will actually make the effort to go to the wedding of a distant relative anyway…

    Post # 10
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I don’t tink you have to include a note and they probably wont come anyway

    Post # 12
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is your reception at night?  That would also cut down on their attendance.  I have a family friend who I’d like to have there (and she’s in town), but she says my 6:30 reception is too late for her.  She’ll just attend the ceremony and skip the reception.

    Double check with your grandmother and if you find that she doesn’t think they will attend, you’ll be making a bunch of older people happy.

    Post # 14
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Glad you’re inviting them, I’m sure your Nana has been talking all about the wedding and doesn’t want to offend them by leaving them off the guest list (OLD school etiquette).  Maybe include an engagement picture!

    Post # 15
    2462 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    we have people like this on the guest list–we’re inviting them, but don’t expect them to come. we aren’t sending a note or anything.

    Post # 16
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    There’s some of FI’s family members who live pretty far away and I’ve never met them before. They’re still on our list. Fiance isn’t happy about it, but I don’t mind.

    I don’t think you should include a note with it. If they can’t figure out who you are despite their relationship with your Nana, they shouldn’t come.

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