Post # 1
A long story short I invited a good friend form college to be in my wedding party, at the time she was dating Matt and he has been so horrible to her – very mentally abusive. Our other good friend Jenna a (bridesmaid), her boyfriend and my fiancé cannot even stand to be in the same room as him as he is so rude and awful to her. And yes she complains and cries to us about all of his horribleness ALL the time – so she’s fostered this relationship of dislike.
As of recently they have gotten engaged. He threw a “surprise” engagement party that night for her right down the street from my house, but neither Jenna nor I received an invite. When we confronted Kim about how hurtful that was Kim’s response was “that is between you and him, I had nothing to do with who was invited”
Recently while talking about weddings I mentioned that she could save a lot of money on a Friday or a Sunday wedding. She told me “Absolutely not Matt would NEVER inconvenience his guests that way.” I gritted my teeth and changed the subject – my wedding, which she is in, is on a Friday.
When he came into their house that night and I was still there I had to DRAG a “hello” out of him- he can’t even pretend to like me, before he escaped into another room.
The feeling of dislike is mutual between me and Matt. He represents everything awful about relationships – and has hurt my feelings multiple times, and destroyed the wonderful person Kim used to be. I still love Kim – but I really am not comfortable having someone who does not like me at my wedding.
How do I tell Kim that Matt will not be invited to the wedding, despite the fact they have dated for about 4 years and live together, and are unfortunately engaged. OR do I just grit my teeth and take it… and hope he can’t come.
Post # 3
I don’t even have to read the post to say yup. Sorry, they’re engaged.
Post # 4
Invite him. You will be too busy and too distracted by all the love and joy on your wedding day to even notice him. 🙂
Post # 5
How do you tell Kim that Matt isn’t invited? Simple: you don’t. He may be the world’s biggest douchebag but he’s still engaged to your bridesmaid so he makes the guest list, period. It sucks, but it’s the way it is.
Post # 6
@Daisy627: I think if you don’t invite Matt, you run the rist of breaking up your friendship with Kim. She will probably not attend your wedding if you don’t invite her fiance. Personally, I would grin and bear it. UNLESS, you feel that the sacrifice of losing Kim as a friend is worth it. Which, TBH, could be true in some cases.
Post # 7
and if he hates you so much, he may not even come. i had to invite my half-sister’s boyfriend who i despise. he declined and i was happy about that.
Post # 8
@Daisy627: If he dislikes you and your friends that much, he might not even want to come. You dont HAVE to invite him, but she should get a plus one.
Post # 9
You have to extend an invite to him, unfortunately. If I were in your position I’d be like “And he doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want to since it’s clear he doesn’t like me.” friendship be damned!
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
You absolutely should invite him. If he dislikes you so much, then he might not even come.
Post # 11
@Daisy627: I can 100% sympathize. Totally. This is the exact same situation I’m in.
I even posted about it on here a few days ago and the response was overwhelmingly that I needed to invite my bridesmaids husband even though I hate him. and I did it. It sucks and I’m still not happy with it but I just had to suck it up and do it.
So, yes you need to bite the bullet and invite the creep. I know it stinks (oh, how I know it stinks) but it is the right thing to do.
But, in the end you will have been the better person, followed the rules of etiquette and potentially saved a friendship.
I hope he chooses to stay home though!
Post # 12
+1 to both.
I had to invite DH’s friend and his wife who HATES me to our wedding. They both declined, which was a relief. Since your friend is BM, I see her showing up, but the FI staying home. Good luck, OP.
Post # 13
Etiquette dictates that an engaged couple be invited together.
Post # 14
Yes, you have to invite him. No matter the reasons you two don’t like each other, he is engaged to your friend and bridesmaid so they are invited together.
Post # 15
I have to agree with PPs. You need to invite him. I know it sucks, but he’s your bridesmaid’s fiance, plus not inviting him would only make things worse.
Post # 16
@MrsStayPuft: I think that is what might have to happen – Can I tell him that in person though so he is the one who has the option to make the decesion instead of depenending on Kim to relay the message? Also do I have to put his name on the address? At the time the STD’s were sent out they were not engaged yet