Post # 1
FI has a friend that he has known for his whole life, they dated on an off all the way through school (beginnig in 5th grade!). They last dated in the year prior to FI and I dating.
I met this girl before I met FI, and I liked her b/c she was just fine. She was whatever. I had nothing against her b/c I didn’t know her that well.
But since I’ve known her for the past 2-3 yrs, I just keep seeing what a mean girl she is. I don’t want to get into specifics jsut for my sake of typing, but she is a very very mean girl and I do not EVER hear one good thing about her. And everytime this girl is brought up in convo, FI and I begin to argue. Sometimes I need to bite my tongue though, so its partially my fault.
I don’t want her at the wedding. Period. Problem is that she is in the group of friends. FI and I share the same group of friends. If she’s not invited, it’ll be such a catastrophe. FI wants her to come. I can’t stand her, and IDK what to do.
I want to put my foot down and say NO that she can’t come, but I’m just scared about it. She already thinks she is invited, she’s spoked to both FI and I on different occasions about our wedding. My loathing for her keep growing because I keep hearing tons of bad things that she is doing to other people, AND she is FI’s ex (and thats just weird, sorry). She’s the only girl he’s ever emotionally and somewhat physically been with prior to me.
OH AND she tagged along w/ us to a very small low budget wedding over the summer.. all she did was complain about how stupid the wedding was, how she wanted it to be over, that there was no alcohol for her to get wasted on for free, and how love isn’t real.
She’s just going to bring so much negative energy to my day.. I know it.
Post # 3
That is tough because it seems like you can’t easily not invite her!
When you discuss this when your FI what does he say? Would there be a big kerfuffle among your groups of friends if she is not invited?
It kinda seems like it might just be easier to invite her but I totally understand where you are coming from not wanting her there!
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Of course you can easily not invite her. A “NO EX” rule would be a pretty clean line to draw, and I don’t think people could really judge you for it. You would just need to convince your FI, though, which seems like it might be harder.
Post # 5
This one is definitely tougher than the other post about whether to invite BM’s enemy.
If it were MY wedding, I’d say no way is she coming. I don’t invite my ex’s to my wedding, and I would expect my FI to do the same. I agree with you that it’s just a bit weird to have an ex, especially someone who seemed to have been very special to him (emotionally and physically) before. I know the past is the past, but it doesn’t mean it never happened.
The problem, I think, is that he has been in touch with her with the group of friends. It’d be weird to not invite her, either, as it’d be very obvious that she’s not welcome and you don’t like her, etc. etc. If I were in your situation, I’d hope that your FI would respect your wishes and be understanding of your position.
I’d hate to be married and knowing that she was there. I might be harsh but it’s just my opinion and how I feel. I hope your FI supports you in this and not defend her.
Post # 6
I think having a “no exes” policy is the only way to get out of it. Can you talk to him frankly about it and tell him it makes you really uncomfortable without ripping into her personally? Sounds like a tough situation. Hope it works out in your favor 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2010 - The Chesapeake Bay Beach Club
I agree, a No Exes policy seems like the best way to handle it. You should tell your FI how uncomfortable she makes you! What happiness is he hoping to gain from having her there? Just not causing a stir amongst his friends? Surely they’d understand a no exes policy!
Post # 8
Just say no! 🙂 I understand it’s weird because she is in the same group of friends. But it’s YOUR day…and…need I say more?
Post # 9
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I wouldn’t invite her – I don’t think it should be a problem, and to be honest, I think your FI should understand that you’re uncomfortable having his ex there.
Post # 10
Perhaps you can point out how uncomfortable she makes you feel? I would hope that he would understand, and would agree not to invite her to the special day. He of all people should be willing to say “ok, she can’t come”, if/after you make him aware of why you don’t want her there, and that she makes you uncomfortable.
I could see if she were just an acquaintance, and you probably wouldn’t encounter her, but she sounds like a negative person and also someone that would make a point to slight you because she is the ex…
Maybe you can “lose” her invite…
Post # 11
I think it’s not appropriate for her to be there b/c she’s the long term ex gf.
And that’s the stance you should take.
Life is far too short to invite a frenemy to a day celebrating the creation of your new family. It’s sacred and tainting it by having that kind of person there is not needed imho.
Post # 12
I agree with the previous posters about the “No Exes” rule. You guys can be all “I’m sorry, that’s just the way we wanted to do things” and leave it at that. Clean-cut and simple.
Post # 13
I also find this really inappropriate. Why should a long time ex be at YOUR wedding?? I would never allow this. Its not even so much you hate her, but theres no need for your fiances past girlfriend to be there period. You have the right to say no and you should. Youre not inviting your ex boyfriends are you?
Post # 14
I am not inviting my exes no wayyy! I’m not friendly with any of them anyway. There IS a friend that I have (who moved to FL a few yrs ago, we’re in PA) that FI basically said “Do not invite him”. So.. I’m not. But that’s a little bit different.
I have told him before, “If I ever hear she’s talking sh** on me, she’s not coming.” And I put my foot down there. But.. ahah that was in a text msg “argument”. I am afraid of putting FI in a bad spot, and I really don’t want to stir the pot. I cringe when I think about her sitting at my ceremony rolling her eyes at our happiness (that is apparently fake in her world).. I’d like to talk to FI about it, I guess I don’t know how to approach it without causing an argument.
I’m pretty sure he knows I don’t want her there, and I don’t give a crap what she thinks about me, but I don’t want to cause issues b/t our friends and FI. When they all found out she wasn’t invited, it would *in a way* ruin my reputation w/in my group of friends.
Post # 15
I dont see why your FI should be upset if you tell him you dont want her there. He should care about your feelings first youre his future wife! I think thats sad if he cares more about pleasing friends or having her there. If he knows it would upset you for her to be there he shouldnt invite her!
Post # 16
Yep, just draw a nice firm “No exes” line and stick to it.
I’d be more worried about talking to FI about it than about her or other friends though. His opinion matters a whole lot more than theirs do.