(Closed) Invite MY enemy to the wedding!?!?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

That is tough because it seems like you can’t easily not invite her!

When you discuss this when your FI what does he say? Would there be a big kerfuffle among your groups of friends if she is not invited?

It kinda seems like it might just be easier to invite her but I totally understand where you are coming from not wanting her there!

Post # 4
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Of course you can easily not invite her. A “NO EX” rule would be a pretty clean line to draw, and I don’t think people could really judge you for it. You would just need to convince your FI, though, which seems like it might be harder.

Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This one is definitely tougher than the other post about whether to invite BM’s enemy. 

If it were MY wedding, I’d say no way is she coming.  I don’t invite my ex’s to my wedding, and I would expect my FI to do the same.  I agree with you that it’s just a bit weird to have an ex, especially someone who seemed to have been very special to him (emotionally and physically) before.  I know the past is the past, but it doesn’t mean it never happened. 

The problem, I think, is that he has been in touch with her with the group of friends.  It’d be weird to not invite her, either, as it’d be very obvious that she’s not welcome and you don’t like her, etc. etc.  If I were in your situation, I’d hope that your FI would respect your wishes and be understanding of your position.

I’d hate to be married and knowing that she was there.  I might be harsh but it’s just my opinion and how I feel.  I hope your FI supports you in this and not defend her.

 

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think having a “no exes” policy is the only way to get out of it. Can you talk to him frankly about it and tell him it makes you really uncomfortable without ripping into her personally? Sounds like a tough situation. Hope it works out in your favor 🙂

Post # 7
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Chesapeake Bay Beach Club

I agree, a No Exes policy seems like the best way to handle it.  You should tell your FI how uncomfortable she makes you!  What happiness is he hoping to gain from having her there?  Just not causing a stir amongst his friends?  Surely they’d understand a no exes policy!

Post # 8
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Just say no! 🙂 I understand it’s weird because she is in the same group of friends. But it’s YOUR day…and…need I say more?

Post # 9
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I wouldn’t invite her – I don’t think it should be a problem, and to be honest, I think your FI should understand that you’re uncomfortable having his ex there.

Post # 10
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps you can point out how uncomfortable she makes you feel?  I would hope that he would understand, and would agree not to invite her to the special day.   He of all people should be willing to say “ok, she can’t come”, if/after you make him aware of why you don’t want her there, and that she makes you uncomfortable.  

I could see if she were just an acquaintance, and you probably wouldn’t encounter her, but she sounds like a negative person and also someone that would make a point to slight you because she is the ex… 

Maybe you can “lose” her invite…

Post # 11
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s not appropriate for her to be there b/c she’s the long term ex gf.

And that’s the stance you should take.

Life is far too short to invite a frenemy to a day celebrating the creation of your new family.  It’s sacred  and tainting it by having that kind of person there is not needed imho. 

Post # 12
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I agree with the previous posters about the “No Exes” rule.  You guys can be all “I’m sorry, that’s just the way we wanted to do things” and leave it at that.  Clean-cut and simple. 

Post # 13
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I also find this really inappropriate. Why should a long time ex be at YOUR wedding?? I would never allow this. Its not even so much you hate her, but theres no need for your fiances past girlfriend to be there period. You have the right to say no and you should. Youre not inviting your ex boyfriends are you?

Post # 15
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I dont see why your FI should be upset if you tell him you dont want her there. He should care about your feelings first youre his future wife! I think thats sad if he cares more about pleasing friends or having her there. If he knows it would upset you for her to be there he shouldnt invite her!

Post # 16
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yep, just draw a nice firm “No exes” line and stick to it.

I’d be more worried about talking to FI about it than about her or other friends though. His opinion matters a whole lot more than theirs do.

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