Post # 1
I work for a very small company (8 total staff) so when it was time to send out save the dates, I sent them to everyone. Well, since then one of my co-workers (who I was never close with) got fired. So now I am torn between the two eitiquett rules:
1. people who recieve save the dates MUST recieve invitations.
2. people who aren’t really apart of your life, do NOT get invitations.
He is married, so it would be two people off the guest list, and I will never see them again now that we don not work together so I am thinking that I should just tak ethem off the list (making room for me to invite his replacement, a girl who I get along great with….)
What would you do?
Post # 3
Really? no one has gone throuhg anything like this?
Post # 4
I didn’t send save the dates but am otherwise in your same shoes. In my case, the coworker knew about the wedding and seemed extremely interested but then got fired. She has actually caused some trouble with the company I work for and has even thrown me under the bus, so I’ve decided not to invite her.
While etiquette says you really should, in this situation, I don’t think I would and I probably wouldn’t give it two seconds thought.
Post # 5
@kryje003: This is where you see demonstrated, that following the etiquette rules with gracious ease, generally depends on following the etiquette rules previously. Such as the one that says, write telling about your upcoming wedding plans, only to those people whose attendance is crucial to fulfilling your dreams for your wedding day. I rather suspect that this former co-worker was in fact not crucial to your dreams. I also rather suspect that the print-shop who sold you your STD cards didn’t mention this rule to you. But, let’s face it, they wanted to make as big a sale as possible, and they really didn’t want to tell you that the most gracious “save the date” — and one which would eliminate so many of these “can I uninvite him” quandaries — is the hand-written personal note.
So, you already gave this person reason to believe he is crucial to your enjoyment of your wedding, and asked him to plan his social life around your plans — ’cause, that is what a “save the date” is. So, now you write him a personal hand-written note expressing sympathy for his being fired, and letting him know that he doesn’t have to save the date, after all. As long as you give him clear notice up front so he can make other plans, you have done sufficient penance for your previous error and can cross him off your invitation list.
Post # 6
I understand your situation. From the point we sent save-the-dates to now when we sent invitations, several people on my guest list had fallen out of our lives. For example, I had some neighbors we saw often. Once I moved, I didn’t see or talk to them anymore. Same with a fellow classmate who now has a vastly different school schedule than I do. Still, it’s rude to send someone a save-the-date and then not the invitation, unless it’s for a very, very good reason. For example, a huge fight. But if the guest didn’t actually do anything negative to you to cause an “un-invite,” I think you still need to send the invitation. If you two truly don’t speak anymore and he feels he will never see you again, he probably won’t come.
Post # 7
I say no becuase she was fired. How uncomfortable would it be for her and your co-workers? If she quite I would have said Yes, absolutely youcan’t send a save the date and not an invite, but with this situation, I say no.
Post # 8
lol. The print shop where I had my Save-The-Date Cards printed is exactly where this whole thing gets stick… I work for that print shop as did he at the time. That is a big reason that he knew so much about it, he helped design the STD’s.
Post # 9
@kryje003: Oh, my. That is funny, but rather wry, isn’t it? Are you printing your own invitations there, too? And now you have an ethical quandary … when the next bride comes in to order Save-the-date cards, do you warn her … or, just process the sale? What work do you do in the shop?
Post # 10
I mean he was fired from a small company…. it sounds like it would be kind of awkward. Was he fired for a good reason? I would say that voids the ettiquette issue especially since it sounds like the other 7 people who aren’t fired are attending.
I mean if he came he would be sitting with his old coworkers — depending on why he was let go I imagine he would say no to the invite anyway.
Post # 11
I work at the front desk, answering phone calls and emails, processing orders, as well as invoicing and billing.. like I said we are a small shop I guess you would call me the administrative assistant?
Honestly we as a shop do not usually do wedding stuff, not that we can’t (we are doing all my presonalwedding stuff here and it has all been great) just that in the past we haven’t had many girls come in looking for it. I had no idea about the “only send save the dates to those you really want there” rule, until you just mentioned it. Usually the Brides we do get already know exactly what they want… so there is no
We are having a semi-destination wedding and I figured that everyone needed an STD so they could make travle plans especially since it is a big tourist weekend.
As for why he was fired, he never got his work done and when he did it wasn’t good, which was a deal breaker (he was our graphics designer). We just couldn’t afford to have him here running the clock and not doing good work for our customers anymore. So if that is a “good reason” or not, well I guess it’s subjective.
Post # 12
hmmm…if you’re having a semi-destination wedding, then he likely won’t come anyhow! I still think you should invite him. but, yes, awkward situation.
(I have an ex-coworker who was invited to my engagement party, and then quit his job right after the invite, but still came to the party. I guess I still have to invite him and his wife to the wedding, which won’t be terribly awkward, it just annoys me on the level fo a space consideration!)
Post # 13
I wouldn’t send the invite and I definitely wouldn’t worry about it 🙂
Post # 14
This is exactly why I didn’t send Save-The-Date Cards to my coworkers.
He was fired, you don’t see him outside of work…I’m usually a stickler for etiquette but I think I would bend the rules on this one. It would just be awkward to have him there.
Post # 15
Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you to do. The same situation happened to me (except the co-worker left after being hired for like 2 months… she promised she was staying). Anyway, I was like, whatever: I’ll send her an invite anyway because we were semi-friends. Well she didn’t end up RSVPing or coming to the wedding. I wasn’t mad and I didn’t expect her to come. So if you do invite them, don’t have any expectations. And if you don’t invite them, I’m sure they don’t care.