Invite my sisters boyfriend to our 20 guest 'immediate family' wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    7208 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Notcool:  You should invite him. You say “it seems wrong to invite more or less a stranger to our wedding when we have dropped other friends and family members we know from the guest list” – but he is much more than a stranger, he is your sister’s partner. By being her partner he is in effect “immediate family”.

    Of course it’s your party and you can invite who you want, but your sister is 100% within her rights to refuse the invitation if you don’t invite him. Especially since she has to travel across the country.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Notcool:  My general view is all partners of people get invited to stuff like weddings regardless of how well you know them (I actually met the newish girlfriend of one of my husband’s friends for the first time at our wedding because he lives in DH’s hometown and I hadn’t been up there for a while) but that aside – if your sister is a volatile personality, how will she react if you don’t invite him? 

     

    ETA  – just to add, on my wedding day I really was not thinking about who was watching me exchange vows. You really are just focussed on other stuff in that moment. And neither of us particularly like being centre of attention either. You don’t have to put him in all the formal family portraits though.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lollybags.
    Post # 4
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    If you don’t invite him your sister may not attend, and whether you like it or not he is apart of her life now. He has a right to attend the ceremony with her, and he may even appreciate the thought. It could give your Fiancè and him an opportunity to meet and get to know one another. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    5544 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I am glad you are going to include him, no sense making needless drama. Just tell your photographer you want lots of permutations of the family, that way if he sticks around, you have pictures with him to make your sis happy, and if not, he doesnt have to be in all your wedding photos forever. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2413 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Notcool:  It looks like many other people at your wedding will be attenting with their unmarried significant others.  I think when the wedding is that small it feels pretty obvious if everyone else was given a consideration and one person is excluded.  They’ve been together over 6 months and are living together, throw in that she lives across the country and I think you’re stuck inviting him.  I’m betting many of the ladies here can think of someone who attended our wedding who we wish hadn’t (DH’s ex-girlfriend…hissss haha) but it isn’t a day to be selfish.  Your sister’s happines will totally make her boyfriend’s presence worth it 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    He has no chance to NOT be a stranger if you don’t give him the opportunity to meet you.

    And if your sister is as volatile as you say, then there is a chance they will break up before hand anyway and you won’t have to deal with him, but at least you will have done the right thing. 

    Hopfully they’ll be able to spend a little time with you before the wedding so that he isn’t such a stranger on W-day. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1244 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Yes, invite him.  You can get into dangerous territory when you start trying to judge whether a relationship is good enough for your standards to earn an invite. Even though it’s only been 6 months, even though you determine this may not last, even though he isn’t your neice’s bio father, that’s irrelevant because he is currently your sister’s partner and that deserves respect. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    5282 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    I think you’re doing the right thing by inviting your sister’s SO.  As for the moment you will be exchanging vows, don’t worry; it is very unlikely you’ll be thinking of his presence or anyone else’s for that matter, during that sublime moment.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6882 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    Notcool:  Absolutely, yes, you should invite him. I had a small wedding of 20 ppl and didn’t bat an eye over inviting my MOH’s boyfriend, who no one in my family even knew. It’s about making your guests comfortable and happy!

    Post # 12
    Member
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    This seems pretty obvious, of course you invite him. He’s her bf. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2264 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Notcool:  Glad to hear that you’re going to invite him — it’s the right thing to do!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Good to see you are inviting him. Its the right thing to do. I’d make sure he was on the end in any family photos he’s in.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1907 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

    Notcool:  Assuming your wedding date of April 2016 is accurate, they’ll probably have broken up by then, but at least you’ll be on good terms with your sister. Or better yet, if it really is a year and a half away, just don’t mention the guest list or say it ‘isn’t fixed yet’ up until there’s less than 6 months to go. Your sister’s bf doesn’t need to know if he’s invited or not until the wedding invitations (or STDs( are sent out, surely.

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