Invite parents to wedding or not?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
442 posts
Helper bee

How civil are your parents to each other? That makes a big difference. If they have previously shown that they can be in the same room and tolerate each other for you, then don’t worry too much about it. You can place them at tables across the room from each other and they won’t have to interact very much.

If they absolutely can’t stand each other and won’t put it aside for a day, I think eloping could be a good idea. Maybe you could elope at your favorite destination and have a small reception, back yard barbecue type thing with each group of family/friends. If you can afford to travel for a ceremony and then do two small events, that might work. But it of course depends on your vision for a wedding and your style and budget, etc. 

Post # 4
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My best friend had a similar situation with her parents. They had a very messy divorce and she was concerned about having them in the same place. She invited both and they were on their best behavior. they were able to put their differences aside for one night to celebrate a big moment in their daughter’s life. I don’t know your parents but if you think they can behave and be respectful of this special day for you and your FI I would invite them. If it is a big financial burden for them maybe they will opt out?

Post # 4
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I’d find out if they can be civil with each other…and make a no politics rule.


Post # 5
6700 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have it near your family, especially since travel expenses are a burden for them  The expectation is that these are all adults who should be capable of coexisting in the same room and being civil to one another. IMO  the people who deserve to be there take precedence over a luxury destination wedding.  

You can talk to your parents about your concerns.  I have been to many weddings under similar circumstances and not once was there ever any kind of a scene.  If some of these people were able to rise to the occasion,anyone can. 

Post # 6
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you don’t elope, then do invite them.  I think if you’re feeling guilty already, you’ll have regrets if you don’t invite them.  I would tell them that you know and appreciate that they’ll put aside their differences for you that day, and leave it at that.  Make it clear that’s the expectation.  

My husband’s parents don’t get along but they were surprisingly awesome the day of the wedding (his Mom and his Dad’s girlfriend even wore the same dress, but they were both gracious with eachother).   I guess it depends just how messy the divorce was.  Hopefully yours will do the same.  If not… is there a family member that’s still amicable with both of them?  They could be ‘assigned’ to help run interference on the day of just in case its needed.

 Good luck!  

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