Post # 1
I’m a long time reader, first time poster. My friends don’t understand my predicament, so I figured this would be a great place to ask for opinions and see if anyone else has been through this.
My FI and I are having a hard time figuring out if we want guests at our wedding. Before we got engaged, we wanted a destination wedding with just the two of us. Since the engagement, I have been feeling guilty about leaving people out. My parents are divorced and have remarried; their divorce was messy and they do not like each other at all, or each other’s partners. My dad and his wife are extremely liberal swinging hippies, my mom and her husband are liberal and slightly redneck, and his parents are very conservative. The thought of having all these people in the same room at one time gives me a lot of anxiety, while the thought of not inviting them gives me a lot of guilt. I know they would like to be there, but my family isn’t in the best financially situation either so it would probably be a burden to them. My fiancé and I are originally from different provinces; most of my family and friends are out west, while most of his family and friends, as well as us, are out east. It is not cheap to fly within Canada, so we were thinking of getting married in our favourite vacation spot in the US. If we did invite people, this would be the cheapest option available for everyone involved and it would make things fair that everyone would have to travel.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What did you do? Are there other things I should be considering? I truly appreciate any and all advice. Thank you!
Post # 3
How civil are your parents to each other? That makes a big difference. If they have previously shown that they can be in the same room and tolerate each other for you, then don’t worry too much about it. You can place them at tables across the room from each other and they won’t have to interact very much.
If they absolutely can’t stand each other and won’t put it aside for a day, I think eloping could be a good idea. Maybe you could elope at your favorite destination and have a small reception, back yard barbecue type thing with each group of family/friends. If you can afford to travel for a ceremony and then do two small events, that might work. But it of course depends on your vision for a wedding and your style and budget, etc.
Post # 4
My best friend had a similar situation with her parents. They had a very messy divorce and she was concerned about having them in the same place. She invited both and they were on their best behavior. they were able to put their differences aside for one night to celebrate a big moment in their daughter’s life. I don’t know your parents but if you think they can behave and be respectful of this special day for you and your FI I would invite them. If it is a big financial burden for them maybe they will opt out?
Post # 4
I’d find out if they can be civil with each other…and make a no politics rule.
Post # 5
I would have it near your family, especially since travel expenses are a burden for them The expectation is that these are all adults who should be capable of coexisting in the same room and being civil to one another. IMO the people who deserve to be there take precedence over a luxury destination wedding.
You can talk to your parents about your concerns. I have been to many weddings under similar circumstances and not once was there ever any kind of a scene. If some of these people were able to rise to the occasion,anyone can.
Post # 6
If you don’t elope, then do invite them. I think if you’re feeling guilty already, you’ll have regrets if you don’t invite them. I would tell them that you know and appreciate that they’ll put aside their differences for you that day, and leave it at that. Make it clear that’s the expectation.
My husband’s parents don’t get along but they were surprisingly awesome the day of the wedding (his Mom and his Dad’s girlfriend even wore the same dress, but they were both gracious with eachother). I guess it depends just how messy the divorce was. Hopefully yours will do the same. If not… is there a family member that’s still amicable with both of them? They could be ‘assigned’ to help run interference on the day of just in case its needed.