Post # 1
Never thought I would be writing this but FSIL just got married *yay* I was so ready to get her wedding over with so now FI and I could focus on ours sans all the drama we have had.
For some reason, she is dead set on inviting her friends to our wedding. First, she went directly to my FI and told him to tell me to make sure I sent them an invite. When that didn’t happen, she told her mother (my FMIL) to text me directly and tell me to send the invites. WTF? I responded back that these people were not on the original list and we are way over in numbers… I will revist the list later on and send out more invitations once we get closer (I sent my invites last week because we might be moving). FMIL responded back that one of those people should have been on the list because they are family (a 17 year old cousin) and the other person needs to be added on as someone plus one (as if I am going to tell someone who their plus one is when she was expecting to bring her boyfriend).
So I called fiance and told him not only were these people not on the original list, but they are her friends, not mine and he needs to explain that to his mother and sister! I didn’t get to bring a friend to her wedding, why is she pressing her friends get invited to mine? Granted, fiance may have known grown up with them, however they weren’t on his original list and he is WAY over his alloted number and I am mainly the one paying for our wedding.
I have tried my best not to start wars since FSIL already don’t like eachother since I don’t let her get her way but I am not negotiating on this.
Post # 3
Tell her, “you ain’t payin, your friends ain’t playin'”.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Why do I have a feeling FSIL will invite them even if they don’t receive a written invite? Are you doing a plated dinner? Hopefully FSIL would wise up that no food/no chairs would be awkward.
Post # 5
Is she paying?
Then her opinion is irrelevant at this time.
Post # 6
@rebwana: We are doing a station early dinner but ALL seats will be accounted for. Our final count and final payment is the day before the wedding to minimize the number inaccuracy.
Post # 7
OMG i was going to write a post about something similar but i cancelled it!
our invites have to go out in 2 week due to it being a holiday wedding and more then half the guests are out of towners ( 2+ hrs some out of state & country)
FMIL has known for months to get me a list..shs slowly said oh dont forget this person yadda, id say 6 times. ok fine. this was back in MAY when we sent the STDs
FI and I are paying for wedding ourselves- FMIL offered to pay for photography as our WEDDING PRESENT.
So i sent FMIL a email last monday, explaining to her that i need to get them in the mail in 2 weeks because venue needs a final headcount on 10/31. Wrote a list of the family guests and asked her to confirm the addresses and get me the remaining I needed.
a few emails later, list isnt done. i get an email 6am..she gave me a few of the addresses i needed.. did Not confirm any i had given her..but then she added 9 MORE COUPLES.
3 of whom are her friends! Now i dont want to whine and complain..but now there will be about 35–40 people (20 couples) at my wedding that i never MET- you see that-none of these people she wants to invite ive ever MET! Grant you, I have 4 people on my list that arent local FI hasnt met, but not 35! I have 39 cousins and im only inviting 5 to keep the numbers down.
we wanted a small gathering of our closest friends and family! i also am footing more of the bill then he is.. ive paid all the deposits and bought all the decor, our cut off was 180 now the list is well over 200!
the worst is, with this added 9, i DONT have invites for. I hand made each invite (90).they take 2 hours start to finish EACH!
FI doesnt think its a big deal, he says he thinks many of them wont come but his mom wants courtesy invites…. JUST NOT 2 weeks before! UGH
hope your situation gets better! ill be praying for us both 🙂
Post # 8
Can you figure out the per person amount (for EVERYTHING – not just dinner) and tell her you would be more than happy to accomodate them if she will provide XX amount? Oh, and you need that before you send them an invite.
Post # 9
@shalynnmarie: I hand made my invites too- about 65 of them. Like I really want to make more invitations now for HER friends….
I am damn near ready to send a bill to FSIL- but seriously… I went to her wedding by myself. Why does her friends need to be at mine? I am not even going to argue about it. I said what I had to say, they can talk to fiance about it. Fiance doesn’t like anyone fighting so he is trying to keep the peace—- but I revert back to who is paying for the wedding and how many people he went over, and he sees my point.
Post # 10
@armychica06: takes a lot of time for the invites huh? FI and i got into this morning when he told me i shouldnt have made them so elaborate and they wouldnt take so much time. Very shocking to me, but he doesnt want to make his mother mad..im working 2 jobs for this wedding so I left it at :
if those extra people rsvp yes- YOU AND YOUR MOTHER ARE PAYING for them, im NOT.
Post # 11
Put your foot down. This is ridiculous. Either she foots the bill for her added friends or you’re not inviting them, case closed.
Post # 12
I’d find out more from your fiance. Are they family friends, or longtime friends of his sister that are friends of his as well?
My husband’s brother invited a few friends to come to the reception. I’m still not too happy about it.
Post # 13
I’m really surprised by the number of people that think their wishes are important when it’s not even their wedding!
Post # 14
That is out of control. Your fiance needs to stand up for you and back up your decisions.
Post # 15
why on earth does she think her friends should be invited??? do you even know them that well?
Post # 16
@anghp: They are her friends but my fiance knows them from growing up with them…. that is fine or whatever BUT he didn’t put them down on the original list. I gave him 50 people to invite and he ended up inviting close to 90. I made him shave down the list and we are stuck in the 80s. I myself had an original list of 45 but then my numbers got bumped up to 60— we are over and I am trying to make sure we can afford at the very least 110 people. I didn’t want more than 100 people as we really can’t afford the wedding I want with more than that. Fiance was expecting a settlement check soon from a lawsuit but that got delayed and we don’t know if the money will be in before the wedding. My side is only going to help so much and his side hasn’t contributed a thing.