- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
without emotion (or as little self pity as I can muster) I position this to you – the Bee to determine what I am to do.
last year, while dating my then BF invited me to his familly reunion. I met lots of new people and one girl rubbed me wrong — but in my head it was an afternoon and that was it and I could play nice that long, surely..
she said something along the lines of — oh you’re from x small town, my little boy’s dad is from there.. but you look like a nice person and he isnt a nice person
to which I replied … prolly my brother
at which point she said my brothers name.
Now. My brother isn’t a nice person. I swear to all of you he was raised right but bad choices, bad dna, and some bad incidents out of his control have left him pretty much the @ssiest drug addict you can imagine. Even sober he’s an ass. Seriously.
He had (at that point) 2 different baby mommas. The 2nd I was closer to .. she is a bit ditzy and comes from a really cracked up family home but she is a good momma and has a good heart. She knew this woman — they had gone out on a double date and somehow my brother and the other woman (lets call her cousin it) hooked up.
A few years later she brought through the pushing of the state a paternity suit to/against my brother(not the first one she had some issues figuring out who the dad was). Baby Momma #2 (my MOH) is in the legal field so she went with him to court.. and during the interaction(s) Cousin it’s mother was very un nice about my brother (dont blame her but hello your daughter slept with him on purpose) and “those people” … I am those people.
All of this came crashing down on me at this reunion. I had not met the child. I don’t really want to – there was tension.. I ended up going back to my then b/fs house and end up crying and freaked out.
We got engaged in Feb. His dad got gravely ill and passed away late this summer. When it was time to do the invites I was given the aunt and uncles name and I made DOUBLE sure that that invite was sent ~ correctly.
The issue? Tonite I got a gruff “how did you address the invite sent to _______”
Um.. like we talked about outside names, inside Uncle blah and Aunt bleck — why..
“well you should have said and FAMILY.”
ladies, he and i talked about it. I was not inviting her. I said so last october. And here I am a year and a week later and his family has decided she should be invited. That I should have no problem with it. (nevermind my mother’s feelings about all of this) and I am shattered. I don’t want his mom unhappy – the weddign will be hard enough without his dad. The aunt can be mean and if the daughter isnt invited she might stop the uncle from coming. The anxiety alone has me rocking in a rocker to the point of motion sickness. It’s a miracle I haven’t eaten all the chocolate, carbs, and anything else in this house. I want to run away. I want to call it off. I want my way and I want to hurt no one while doing it.
so.. short of inviting Jerry Springer (who is included in the poll because my sense of humor hasn’t died yet) what the HELL do I do?
His mom has paid for the reception hall and will do the rehearsal dinner and alcohol at the reception. My mom is paying for the food. I am paying everything else and I mean EVERYTHING else alone. He hasn’t bought anything but my ring.
I throw myself at your mercy. Please be kind. And there’s no fixing my brother so let’s not go there. & he isn’t invited because his son is walking me down the aisle and he cannot be in the same place as the child til he deals with some legal issues there.