(Closed) Invited to a wedding by someone who I’m not inviting to mine…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have a similar situation.  I haven’t received the invitation yet, but I’m fairly sure I’m getting invited to the wedding of my sisters childhoood friend whom I’ve hardly spoken to in a few years.  We did attend college together and I saw her a few times, but we haven’t been close in 6 or 7 years.

I’m not inviting her and her husband to my wedding, and if they ask, I’ll just have to explain that we don’t have any more room.  She’ll also be out of her parents house so it’ll be easier to address just her parents. (who are good friends of my parents) and not include her.

Weddings shouldn’t be a "i’ll do you if you do me" type of a situation.  If she can accomodate a larger group and is inviting you, that doesn’t mean you should feel bad about not being able to invite everyone to your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Yikes.  I probably would invite her- since you are inviting her whole family.  We have family friends- I refer to the parents as Aunt and Uncle.  They have 4 kids.  My family is closest to the 2 sons and their families, but when it came time to send invites, I also invited the 2 daughters because it seemed rude/mean(?) to exclude them.

Does she live far away?  Will she likely come?

You didn’t mention how big your guest list is, but you will probably have some people decline the invitation.  I invited about 185 and wound up with 130, but a large part of that was my husbands family lives all over the country so many of them couldn’t come.

Post # 5
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I have had a situation like this – we are going to invite the couple who invited us (although we would not have normally done so.)  It just felt too awkward to us to do otherwise.  We would like to keep our numbers down, but our venue does not have a limitation so a few extras here and there are ok (though a tad hurtful to our budget!)

Post # 6
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

There are a number of adult children of my FIL’s family friends we’ll be inviting, including a couple who will be married just before us. They aren’t inviting us to their wedding. We really don’t care since we don’t know them very well and I consider them more invited for our FILs than for us, not to mention we would have declined anyway. So while it is a little awkward not inviting them in return, they of all people should understand the possible budget constraints of having a wedding! If you feel too uncomfortable leaving them off, even with the venue constraint, maybe have them near the top of the B-list, in case you end up having some free space.

I agree with the comment LatteLove made about weddings and how they shouldn’t be "i’ll do you if you do me" situations. I wonder where that mentality came from anyway? Outside of the people in our wedding party, we wouldn’t be offended if none of our single/dating guests ended up inviting us to their wedding. I get that some people have big weddings, others have small ones, and we won’t necessarily make the cut in every situation.

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