(Closed) Invited to bachelorette/not wedding…is this okay?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Typically, it is not a good idea to invite guests to any of the pre-wedding festivities, if you are not going to invite them to the wedding. I think that if you do this, you will have a lot of hurt feelings.

Post # 4
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was recently invited to a bachelorette for someone who did not invite me to her wedding.  I didn’t say anything, because I like her.  But it definitely struck me as strange.

Post # 5
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i personally wouldn’t do it. if they’re close enough for you to celebrate your bachelorette with, then it’s fair to assume they should be close enough to invite to the wedding. also, they would still be shelling out cash to pay for the festivities, a meal, drinks, etc. even if it’s for themselves, where they otherwise would not be.

Post # 6
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think this is okay only if the people are not actually friends of yours. For example, a friend’s sister or maybe someone you often go out with but don’t have a relationship beyond going out in the same group (a friend of a friend or colleague). If I was invited to a friend’s bachelorette and not her wedding, I would be hurt and somehow feel not good enough to make the wedding list.

Post # 7
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I dont think its okay in general. But I agree with @slicey19: – my MOHs college roommate came to my bachelorette party because it was her first weekend living in our town and she didnt know anyone else so we invited her out. But I definitely wouldnt invite people that I know and hang out with regularly to the bachelorette and not the wedding.

Post # 8
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would invite her to the bachelorette AND to the wedding.  Chances are that two people will decline and inviting her and a date wouldn’t kill the budget. 

But if she’s not invited to the wedding I think it would be a little strange to invite her to the bachelorette.

Post # 9
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t do it.  I would invite to both!

Post # 10
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

How many people are you talking about?  It sounds like you are talking of a handful of girls that would really tip the scales if you invited them to the wedding. 

I would suggest not inviting them to the bachelorette party.  If they catch wind of it, polietly explain that due to budget restrictions its goign to be a small wedding but if they want to join the party they are more than welcome.  I would make sure to only do this word of mouth and if it is brought up naturally. 

Post # 11
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Eh, I think that is an old rule that should die out. I think it is fine. You could always just tell them what you told us, that you want them involved (No gifts!), but unfortunately do not have the budget to invite them to the actual wedding.

Out of curiosity, could you invite them to the ceremony and not the reception?

Post # 12
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Technically it is bad etiquette to do that. That said, I ended up having a bachelorette party that was almost entirely people who were not invited to the wedding! A friend who was not a bridesmaid decided to throw me a very small “party” in the city where she lived, which was attended by three other old friends from high school who live in that city that I had not seen in years. They were not invited to my 35-person wedding.

I don’t think they were weirded out about being invited to the party but not the wedding—especially since a) the “party” was not a traditional bachelorette party (and wasn’t a party at all really—just a night in a bar), and b) my wedding was SO small.

Even though I had this experience, though, I think I might even feel slighted if I were one of only a handful of people who were invited to the bach and not the wedding, especially if a) the wedding was not tiny and b) members of my social circle were invited to the wedding. For example, I think I’d feel fine about going to a bach when not invited to the wedding of a coworker, but only if no one from work was invited to the wedding. I also would not consider a wedding of 100 guests to be a small wedding. I think that my friends who went to my bar “bachelorette” party did not expect to be invited to my wedding, since it was practically a family-only wedding and only one friend of theirs was invited (the one who organized the event). If the wedding was larger and they expected an invite, I suspect they would not have felt the same.

Post # 13
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is rude to invite anyone to anything involved in the wedding and not invite them to the wedding.  Either invite to both or none.

Post # 14
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

 I would think it would be alright if you were having a very small wedding. Like 30 or less people. But 100 people isn’t so small. I would think thats a happy medium. Even though you have the best intentions, it would hurt feelings. I personally wouldn’t do it. Would you feel comfortable if you were invited to the party but not the wedding? It also really depends on the group of girls though. If your young, then alot of girls wont really care. They will just want a night out to party with you! lol If you are a little older. (Graduated from college, financially stable, older) then they might take offence. But, its totally up to you.

Post # 15
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have had this several times happen to me.. get invited to the bachelorette/hens night and the first time it happened it was a little odd. I was friends with the girl but not best buds but I got over it and there has been a few more since. I personally decided I wasnt going to do that, invite people that were not invited to the wedding. So I kinda skipped it.  I decided that it was just going to be my bridesmaids and myself and no one else.They surpised me by taking me to a day spa and a scavenger hunt with friends I had to meet along the way and it was a great time.

So to sum it all.. I personally am not comfortable with the idea of it. But I really think it depends on the situation and the personality of the person your inviting 🙂 There are some girls who dont take to kindly to that kinda thing, but Im sure there would be some people who would understand and be cruisy with it.


Post # 16
1815 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be upset if I was invited to the bachelorette and not the wedding.

I could maybe understand if the wedding was a small, intimate, wedding of like 25.

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