Post # 1
Please tell me I’m right.. I’m really shocked by something a school friend did to me recently. She had an engagement party last November and invited myself and my SO. It was a simple, casual BBQ at my friend’s parent’s house for family and friends. In the invitation they had a little poem asking for money in their ‘wishing well’.
So I thought, okay, we will give them some money if that is what they prefer to a gift they may never use. Now months later I get a FB message. “Hey, just letting you know our wedding is next Saturday at 3pm at ___. You are invited to the ceremony. See you there I hope!”.
So after asking for money, we are not invited to the whole wedding, just the ceremony, which might I add was both at the same venue. I didn’t really want to show up for the 20 minute ceremony (almost a two hour drive from my home) then have to drive home again.
I’m not sure if it’s right or wrong what she did, but I could not do that to someone. If I invited people to my engagement party and stated that I wanted money or gifts, I would invite them to the entire wedding! Am I justified in my thinking, or is what she did a more common thing than I thought?
Post # 3
Seems quite rude to me. I was also under the impression that engagement parties were not gift giving events beyond a bottle of wine or some such small gift.
Unless this is some sort of cultural thing this American bee doesn’t get, I’m saying that couple is totally rude and that you’re feelings are totally justified.
Post # 4
I don’t know. Was the wishing well for the engagement party and you gave money then already?
In that case I wouldn’t necessarily be offended. You are invited to ceremony and I would think you are not expected to give anything then.
But I think that last minute FB message to invite you to only ceremony is kind of… not nice.
Post # 5
Rude. If they invited you to the engagement party they should have invited you to the wedding (ceremony + reception).
EDIT: Since one person has asked already: unlike America, gift giving is common at Australian engagement parties. So the e-party wishing well was a little tacky, but not too bad. The rude part was not also inviting them to the wedding.
Post # 6
@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina: I have never been to an engagement party other than this one that asked for money/gifts. To me it’s just a party to announce to friends and family that you are engaged, just like you said. I was pretty sad when I wasn’t invited to the whole wedding and only had a week’s notice via FB mail 🙁
Post # 7
@sunshinewish15: she is well and truly wrong and I’d feel exactly the same.
There is NO way I’d go to the ceremony! Rude
Post # 8
@gramgeek: When I got the invite to the E party it had a poem asking if guests could bring money (they even specified that $20 from each guest would be sufficient). I’m not sure if they had another wishing well or if it was just that they wanted people to give money at the party.
@paula1248: That was the kind of impression I had too.. I would hate to invite someone to my own E party then not invite them to the wedding. It doesn’t seem like a nice thing to do.
Post # 9
@Holly77: I politely told her in a message back that it was too far to drive but thank you anyway, hope you have a nice day. Inside though I was feeling pretty hurt, like my money was good enough but I wasn’t good enough of a friend to allow to the reception.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t go to the ceremony either. Your feelings are totally justified.
Post # 11
@sunshinewish15: I really couldn’t vote.
Asking for money was rude (though I understand it is more commonly accepted in Australia).
Though I don’t think one rude like that, means they have to invite people. They have to invite people because they already invited you to the engagement, but not because they asked for cash.
Honestly, I would be glad to decline this “invite”, and probably re-evaluate this friendship
Post # 12
Yeah that is seriously rude. If she’s asking for wishing well contributions she should be forking out for your atendance at her reception
Post # 13
To me asking for gifts is always rude, whether it is a culturally accepted practice or not- the point in a gift is that someone wanted to give you a present, not that they are just giving it because you asked for it.
Personally the majoricy of people invited to our engagement party will not be invited to our wedding but that’s because FI and I want a really small, intimate wedding. If we were having a big wedding I would definitely think it could be rude not to invite those who came to the engagement party.
Post # 14
Who the heck has a wishing well.. thing??.. at an engagement party? : What?
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars
I also find it quite rude that you were invited over facebook, one week before the wedding. It’s like a last-minute gift grab idea….
Personally, I wouldn’t go.
Post # 16