Invited to engagement party but not reception & they asked for money!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is my thinking justified?
    Yes- they asked for money so guests should have been invited to the wedding : (119 votes)
    96 %
    No- at least you were invited to the ceremony : (5 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Seems quite rude to me. I was also under the impression that engagement parties were not gift giving events beyond a bottle of wine or some such small gift. 

    Unless this is some sort of cultural thing this American bee doesn’t get, I’m saying that couple is totally rude and that you’re feelings are totally justified. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t know. Was the wishing well for the engagement party and you gave money then already?

    In that case I wouldn’t necessarily be offended. You are invited to ceremony and I would think you are not expected to give anything then.

    But I think that last minute FB message to invite you to only ceremony is kind of… not nice.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7203 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Rude. If they invited you to the engagement party they should have invited you to the wedding (ceremony + reception).

    EDIT: Since one person has asked already: unlike America, gift giving is common at Australian engagement parties. So the e-party wishing well was a little tacky, but not too bad. The rude part was not also inviting them to the wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2880 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    @sunshinewish15:  she is well and truly wrong and I’d feel exactly the same.

    There is NO way I’d go to the ceremony! Rude 

    Post # 10
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I wouldn’t go to the ceremony either. Your feelings are totally justified.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @sunshinewish15:  I really couldn’t vote.

    Asking for money was rude (though I understand it is more commonly accepted in Australia). 

    Though I don’t think one rude like that, means they have to invite people.   They have to invite people because they already invited you to the engagement, but not because they asked for cash.

    Honestly, I would be glad to decline this “invite”, and probably re-evaluate this friendship

    Post # 12
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Yeah that is seriously rude. If she’s asking for wishing well contributions she should be forking out for your atendance at her reception

    Post # 13
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    To me asking for gifts is always rude, whether it is a culturally accepted practice or not-  the point in a gift is that someone wanted to give you a present, not that they are just giving it because you asked for it.

    Personally the majoricy of people invited to our engagement party will not be invited to  our wedding but that’s because FI and I want a really small, intimate wedding. If we were having a big wedding I would definitely think it could be rude not to invite those who came to the engagement party.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4216 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Side note

    Who the heck has a wishing well.. thing??..  at an engagement party? : What?

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    1056 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

    I also find it quite rude that you were invited over facebook, one week before the wedding.  It’s like a last-minute gift grab idea….  

    Personally, I wouldn’t go.

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