Post # 1
Our 22-year-old son announced his engagement last month. He and his fiancee (high school sweetheart) will be getting married in August. Our son grew up in a small lakefront community, and we would like to have neighborhood barbeque in May. We would invite all the neighbors and it would be a sort of announcement of their engagement.
My question is: Is this appropriate to do? The wedding itself will be small, and the neighbors will not be invited to the wedding. I have learned from more than one source that the people who are invited to an engagement party should also be invited to the wedding.
Could we still host the barbeque but call it something other than an engagement party?
Sorry for the wordiness of this post. I am looking forward to any advice you can give. Our son is the first of our three boys to get married.
Post # 3
Yes, normally engagement praties do include people that are invited ot the wedding. Maybe you can just call it a party and “happen” to announce their engagement there.
Post # 4
It sounds like in this particular case, it would be okay to have a party and invite the neighbors if it’s a small community and everyone kind of knows everyone else. Usually at engagement parties, no gifts are expected, and it’s always usually just a casual celebration. Normally I would say that typically immediate family and the wedding party only are invited, but yeah, in this case, I would think this would be okay.
If it comes up, you can always spread the news word of mouth that the wedding will be very small, mostly likely family and very close friends. In this day in age, I think people are more understanding of this now, especially with the economy.
Post # 5
I think that people understand. I have been invited to a bachlorette party/personal shower before, and was not invited to the wedding. They also had a very small ceremony for family and a couple very best friends, then a small reception dinner at a local restaurant. I did not think anything about it. Like Miss Chapstick said, typically engagement parties are rather casual and do not include gifts, so I say go for it. Congratulations!
Post # 6
Could you have it during the last weekend, and do the usual Memorial Day backyard barbeque? If they will not be invited to the wedding, I would recommend not labeling it an actual engagement party. It is sort of understood that an invite to the engagement party is a precursor to a wedding invite.
Post # 7
If it’s going to be a small wedding and everyone knows that, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Post # 8
I just wouldn’t label it an “engagement party” and then it’s fine, etiquette-wise.
Post # 9
I would also chime in with not labeling it as an “engagement party”. I think it would be fine to have a neighborhood get together and then announce your good news at the party.
Post # 10
I think it also depends a bit on how many of the neighborhood friends will not be invited. Are you just going to be leaving out a handful of families, or is it literally, the entire neighborhood will not be invited?
Post # 11
We’re inviting people to the engagement party that aren’t invited to the wedding. Largely because our engagement party is for our younger friends who are on the friends to acquittance level but our wedding has been dubbed “an intimate family affair” so only friends who are close enough to be family are invited to our wedding.
Post # 12
Can I ask why you would not invite these neighbors to the wedding? Are you having a small or destination wedding?
I just think that if these people are close enough to celebrate your son’s engagement that they should be invited to the wedding. We invited certain neighbors to our engagament party and those neighbors are also on the invite list for the wedding.
I agree with the others that if you are not inviting them to the wedding then I wouldn’t call it an engagement party. You don’t want people to bring gifts and feel awkward when you don;t invite them to the wedding. Have a BBQ and at some point take out a cake and champagne and toast the new couple.